Parental Stress

What in the world, how do I deal with this?
A part of me and yet not any more.
Try as I might to let them go, It is hard to get
a grip on the fact that two are grown.

The one that left the house first is now back, and not quit as
an adult, but he is not a child either.

The oldest has not left yet, but is scheduled out this very week.
Now I play two roles. One is for the youngest and that is of a parent
and the other I am not sure how this relationship works. It is so hard to
be a parent.

They look to me for guidance. My experties in this area are so new it feels like
I have jumped into an ocean current, and I cant get enough air in my lungs.

I feel like a ship that is being blown in three directions at one time. I know that
most people can not see this from my reactions and for that I am greatful.
I have never been happier that my outsides does not display the depth of emotions
raging through my soul.

I know I will be ok, that I will figure it out, others have. Impatients on my part makes me
wish that I just could handle everything without a second thought, without any uncertainties.

The tempest that is now my thoughts pulls at me.

Please God Soon, show me how to deal with this.
Give me some kind of assurance some certainty;
that I am even headed in the right direction.

Am I strong enough for this? I have to be.
Can I keep up with everything? I have to.

I have to keep all the pieces together. Hold tight and let go all at the same time.


Some of the things behind the thoughts above:
1. My oldest 20 year old is leaving for Boot Camp on the 17th of November.
This is my only daughter. She looks more suited for being a Model than a Marine.
5 ft 6 thin, maybe 110 lbs soaking wet.

2. My second oldest was in a car accident on Sunday November the 9th, he rolled a Ford Explorer
five times. Luckely he only has 8 staples in his head and no broken bones, no concussion, nothing else
but prior to this he was not living at home. Now he is back and needs mom but doesn't want mom to
be exactly like a mom.

3. The lest stressful of all my 14 year old High School Freshman - who is very bright, though he and
writing do not go together very well. His first year in High School and all that goes with it. Luck me,
he is having a decent year.

Not to mention - I am a single Mom. I do however have some very close family and the youngest son's father and I are still friends and he does help when he can. Sometimes all the things just seem a little overwhelming.