Imaginary

When I felt crushed by endless woe
There was a place I used to go
To sit and think—
Safe from my fears—
A place that soothed my tragic tears.

I kept it secret in my heart—
Afraid they’d come, tear it apart,
Destroy the peace
Or spoil the view,
Say dreams, like this one, can’t be true.

When I went there my deep despair
No longer weighed me down.
The tranquil air dispelled my cares,
And stole away my frown.

I felt relieved.

As shadows clamoured in my mind
That refuge grew so hard to find;
A fog of hurt
Obscured the way;
I often got lost in the grey.

I’d fight the dark, I’d struggle on
To find the place where light once shone;
Collapse and cry
When I arrived—
What had been real now felt contrived.

My sorrow streamed as vital dreams
Caved in before my eyes.
For hours, it seemed, my sobs and screams
Tore through the empty skies.

And still I grieve.

I know that it was just pretend.
Yet if I want my heart to mend
I must have faith
To once more see
The happy place where I felt free.

A whisper of it still remains,
But every day brings further pain
To drive away
Beliefs once held.
My joy and hopes have long been quelled.

I don't believe.

I can't believe.