How to Get Men to Shop

Wake up Honey; it's time for shopping,
you know once I start there's no stopping.
Look at the great sales on this mailer,
then watch how fast I load my trailer.

Let's hurry down to the brand new mart
and use my custom built shopping cart.
I'll start it up in the parking lot;
race the guys to my favorite spot.

Men are bragging about their new wheels,
while women shop for the greatest deals.
Oh how I love to shop nowadays,
weaving my way through this type of maze.

We pop a few wheelies past the peas
and burn rubber on the tile with ease.
Some guy has just crashed into the corn,
his lights are broken, so is his horn.

My wife screams,"when are we going home?"
"One more hour," as I begin to roam.
It looks like we'll be here for a while,
I see a clean-up on every aisle.

Apples are flying and so are plums,
people are grabbing their shins and thumbs.
My wife says,"Stop! I see the ice tea!"
"Not now, someone is tailgating me."

The store is closing, but that's all right,
maybe we can come tomorrow night.
As the lights are dimmed all through the store
the gas-powered carts zoom out the door.