Fireworks

FIREWORKS

By Mordecai J Banda



We all stood there around the casket until dusk. The time didn’t matter to any of us. And no one dared to mention what was happening here. Why over 100 people: men, women and children were standing around the casket. Out-waiting even the pastor and the night guard. I only knew the amount of time had passed because of the light difference. Not the chill in the air. I already had one deep set into my heart. And my husband was no better. Ordinarily I would have been impressed by his show of sorrow, but it was in all of us. Me too, after all, and not to forget little Annie, who’s numb and only lying against me because I’m available. She knew all along. In some way.

The casket represented my son, Phillip. And we all know that it’s an empty casket. There is no body of Philip. There couldn’t be. You must understand that all of us did not stand around the tombstone in the dusk drizzle because of grief or a show of kindness since it was a small town and everyone was familiar. It was guilt that united us. And the guilt still does. It weighs on my heart, and I’ll take it to my grave.

But I suppose I can tell the story again, because I go over and over again. Hoping that somehow I’ll jump into the scene, flash my credentials and save the day before it was too late.

Too late.



The day had been the usual. Oh so usual, you wouldn’t even believe someone was going to die. How could they? It would be so impossible since that day I had shopping to do for my best friend’s engagement gift, get stuff for the kids and head for the festival to meet many people including my agent, who was finally presenting me with news on my novel’s outlook. I looked at my calendar with my cup of coffee in my hand. My sweater was on and the rest of my demeanour was business lady. I looked at the calendar and tried to memorize what to do, despite the fact that I had an organizer on my PDA to remind me. My husband walked in and pecked me on the cheek. I ignored it and saw I had an appointment with Dr Gorton my psychiatrist. I always needed to keep up my mental state because I had such a hectic life. My husband, who worked as a lawyer had the same Doctor, but more time.

“Mom?”

“Yes, what, Philip?” I asked, picking up the keys from the counter and heading for the doorway, I stopped halfway and looked at Philip,

“Hm?”

“Nothing.”

I looked at him and Annie played with her cereal and waved at me,

“Bye Mommy!”

I waved at her and said bye to Philip.

My phone rang as soon as I got onto the Porch,

“Laura, it’s me, Dr Gorton.”

“Yes, what is it?”

“I have to cancel your appointment, I’m afraid”

“What? Why?” I wasn’t really looking forward to the appointment in the first place but I was very protective over my timetable. It served as my highway marker for every day.

“My wife conked out and I’m going to have to see her. She’s delirious and babbling stuff”

Mr Gorton was accustomed to using teen Jargon. I found this amusing and helpful in his sessions because I felt like I was always talking to a good friend and not just a shrink.

“Mrs Hamersley?”

“Okay, I’m sorry by the way. I wish her... you know” I blushed, running out of words of condolences; so typical of me.

“Don’t bother, later. Tell Mac I can’t make it”

That is how it is in our town. Everyone knew everyone on name terms. Of course we didn’t know the whole 3000 people living in the area. But it felt small and cosy for me, but my life was as hectic as ever.

I trooped back into the house and found Annie at the table,

“Where’s Philip, mommy would like to go shopping so you can come along.”

Annie shrugged, “I dunno, he said his got to go draw something upstairs.”

“Could you call hi-“

My phone rang again, and my husband stepped past me, phoning someone, when I looked at the display I realised it was him,

“Mac?”

Mac turned to look at me, “Oops, thought you were gone with the car, could you drop me over at Ted’s place? I’ve got to get the speakers to the carnival.”

I sighed, “It’s not a carnival, Mac, it’s the Town Anniversary Festival.”

He looked amused as he headed out, “I thought writers knew the thesaurus, they’re the same thing: Festival, Carnival, Parade, Pageant-”

“Fine, fine, let’s go, I get the point. Sue me. Annie lets go.” Annie smiled and went along with me; we entered the car and drove off.



Miles later I realised we had forgotten something.

“What?” Mac asked, looking out at the clean but busy streets with the cars and the fast-motion people buying stuff for the festival, carnival whatever.

“I forgot to get money for the present we’re gonna buy Martha and Joe.” I turned and approached the flat where Mac would drop off.

Mac grunted, opened the door and stepped out. Looking in his pockets and taking out a piece of gum, heading for the stairs.

“Well?” I called to him.

“What?”

“Never mind.” I drove off, heading for the bank.

Annie and I went shopping right after that at the local mall and she took an interest in the masks and glittering dresses and pretty much everything. I filed away what she wanted and decided I would surprise her later. My phone rang again as me and Annie headed for the car, presents for Martha and some snacks in shopping bags.

“Mom?”

It was Philip. Then it hit me that I had forgotten to take him.

“When are you coming home mom, I’m lonely.”

“Aw, Philip I’m so sorry dad had to leave in a rush. I’ll only be a couple of minutes then I’ll collect you to visit the mall, okay?”

“Okay.” It didn’t sound okay.

“I know you’re a big boy and you’ll protect the house from any meanies.” I attempted.

“Just come home mom. Please.”

I looked at the phone when it cut and we went into the car. I ran through my list of things to do and decided I needed to get my mail from the café. I had never gotten around to buying myself a laptop but I would if my books sold.



The internet was slow and Annie reminded me of Philip. I silently swore and logged off then headed home, Philip wasn’t there in the living room. I checked his room and saw some cute colour drawings I examined. There was one with the whole family there labelled all nice and coloured with that envious imagination and care you see in 10 year olds, and then there was a single stick figure in red smiling and waving at a crowd, flying into the air with a rocket tied to his back.

I smiled and called around the house for Philip, until he walked in.

“Hello Philip, I’m so sorry. Come here, give me a hug.” I said cheerfully. Philip sauntered over and hugged me. But he was scratchy and I realised he had leaves all over him.

“Where were you?”

“Rolling in the leaves.” He mumbled. I laughed at the implied irony or sarcasm and ruffled his hair. I checked my watch and saw it was time to head to the festival.

“Okay people get dressed up its time to head to the festival.”

“Yay! Let me get my mask!” Annie squealed. Philip stopped halfway upstairs and smiled for the first time in the day, a relief. He headed towards the car and I locked up and headed for the place.



The place was a creek with quite a large picnic area enough to erect a stage with huge speakers and lots of chairs and a couple of tents and signs. As the light waned I met different people and told Annie and Phillip to go chat around with friends. I congratulated Martha again on her engagement and made a call to my agent, who promised to be there with beer for Mac. After some time the noise was building up in the area and both the known and the unknowns were piling up with eccentric masks or decent clothing. The clusters wandered about aimlessly until the lights were switched on at the erected stage and the majority got attracted to it like moths.

“Ladies and Gentlemen... AND teenagers.”

There was uproarious laughter and cheering at this. The guy on the mike was dressed up with the American colours and had a cowboy belt buckle, shoes and hat.

I looked around for Annie and Philip to get them closer to me so that I shouldn’t lose them in the population of the crowd. It was apparently three thirds of the community. I bumped into someone, not that it would stop me but I noticed it was the Doc, and I wanted to know how his wife was,

“Not well” He said. Voice serious. In the background the talking continued and the cool night air breathed all over us.

“She’s at least stable right?”

“Physically, apparently, but she’s having nightmares that are giving her faint spells. She keeps on screaming about ‘fireworks’ and... And your son.”

I felt strange. Like this was a horrible omen, “My son?”

“I don’t know, it sounds like Philip, it doesn’t matter him and her talk a lot when she bakes him cookies, so I guess he wanders into her dreams.”

I nodded. But the air between us remained cold after his last words. He said bye and disappeared into the crowd. He said dreams of course. Neglecting to say nightmares.

I shrugged off the oddness and continued looking for Annie, this time I bumped into Mac,

“Hey honey. You’ve seen the kids?”

A guy tapped Mac on the shoulder, and pointed in a direction. Annie was there, trying in vain to look at the stage platform.

“Annie, where’s Philip?”

Annie bounded up to us and jumped into Mac’s arms.

“Dunno, he said he wants to go take a pee.”

Me and my husband exchanged nervous smiling glances and finally paid attention to the platform. But the man was not there and in his place was a local rock band jamming the jam and stretching the strings. The whole crowd was breaking up and dancing and a noticeable population of the teenagers slinked into the shadows in two’s. Except for a threesome here and there.

“So, where do we start on this celebration?”

“Hot dogs?” I asked Annie. Annie looked up at us,

“What about Philip?”

“We’ll find him on the way.”

We got stuffed on the hotdogs and Mac disappeared with a couple of his hard-gut friends. Mac wasn’t exactly a drinker, but he likes challenges. But I guess that technically means his a drinker. Men are constantly influential peers to their own kind. It’s the same reason I’m married.

“Hello, Laura”

My agent materialized next to me. The fireworks decided to go up then. Blue and red flashes, heating up the atmosphere of the crowd around.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

I shuffled my feet and looked at the display, mesmerizing circles of light. The agent broke the silence.

“The book was sold. For 15000 dollars”

“Oh my GOD!” I screamed. Even this cut through the ambient noise for a while. I hugged the guy and danced about.

“Your going to Seattle tomorrow on first-class. You’ve started a wild fire.”

I was in bliss. Annie was tugging at the hem of my sweater,

“Mommy? Where’s Philip?”

“He’ll turn up. Not now.” And I chatted away with the agent. Plans, plans and money and success. Suddenly I noticed a shift in atmosphere and realised the music stopped. Mac walked up to me and placed his hands on my shoulders with apprehension, looking in the direction of the stage.

“Honey, what is Philip doing on stage?”

I looked, and saw Philip standing there with the microphone at his hands. I just knew this was wrong. Philip was supposed to be terminally shy.

“Oh-my-gawd is that a rocket on his back? Is he going to perform?”

“That’s a firework!”

The crowd gasped and murmured apprehensively at themselves. Waiting for a man to grab Philip off the stage and stop the nonsense. But since all were waiting for the other noone did anything. I shook off Mac’s grasp and walked towards the stage,

“Philip?”

And he spoke with a calm voice not meant for a child.

“Hello people. Hello Martha, hello Frank, Hello Joe, hello hello hello.”

The echo of the mike stung the cold air. The popping of the last fireworks in the distance receded. I walked on. Getting apprehensive. I spotted the doctor in the crowd and only got a glimpse of an ashen face. Something was wrong here. The answer was there but I couldn’t see it. And why was Philip standing there with a Firework on his back.

Oh my God.

“Dad and Mom, Annie, and everyone. I know you don’t like me around and I know it’s not your fault. But why do you do it? I didn’t do anything to not get noticed.” It was a complaint but in a calm voice. He seemed to have hypnotized everyone. No one ever thought of going up there and tackling the boy.

“Mom has ignored me the whole day, and Dad hasn’t said good morning to me this whole week. I counted... Nothing, I guess. I counted nothing. My ‘friends’ at school only need me when someone is off the team. My teachers don’t talk to me, only Mrs Gorton does and even she is busy. And old.”

Someone get on stage and tackle him. Get him. What’s wrong with you people? But I couldn’t voice my opinion to these zombies because a lump had sealed my throat. My heart was burning and the stage seemed too far in the midst of the solid unyielding bodies.

“I guess I’m wasting the time of the good festival and all your fun. So I’ll be honest with myself and do what you people always wanted to happen yet you never said it.” A tear slid down his eye, and he produced a box of matches. Then the crowd got spurred into action and the front-line moved around a bit. And Mac was running. I could hear his feet and I could hear him calling for Philip to stop. I felt my legs were too heavy and I was crying and calling out nonsense. I can’t remember.

“Mom.” Philip said, voice quaking not with sorrow, but Anger.

“I wish you never gave birth to me. And I wish Dad never fucked you.”

And he struck the match, and placed the flame behind his rocket. And I screamed and fell down, and Mac was reaching the platform, pass the immobile zombie line. Philip said something, but I can’t remember, then we all looked at him, the boy taking a flight by a firework. It wasn’t a lift off into the distant heavens. He only made it to the canvas roof before it exploded with blinding intensity and something oval, white and staring landed in the grass before me. And nothing mattered anymore. Because I fainted. And in my eye, I see a drawing of stick figures looking up at a flying stick boy; I see a life flash by on a cinematic strip. I see a mother who was not quite a mother. A mother who was going to be rich the next day maybe. And I see fireworks. Fireworks that are tinted red.

With blood.