Self Medication

The ambulance driver said “Self harm”
fast to expunge the memory of the words?
or just professionalism?
like a bomb diffuser asking for wire cutters?
a hint of embarrassment
a hint of “We’d better stay away from this kid”
I have a social disease

except it’s really self medication
focusing my mind on another problem
it’s already narrowed after all
a pain seeking missile locked on target
I might have coursework deadlines
my flatmate’s girl might be unfaithful
but that’s like tears in the rain

the first cut is the deepest but
from there common knowledge fades
as I dare my self on for the other wounds
the blood isn’t a river
pool and droplets have left my vocabulary
it’s just soldiers in red uniforms
marching straight forward
my emotions are locked out
my body is frozen
I am too busy watching the red to feel blue

I wanted to know agony
I only sketched a map to merriment’s tomb
the mark God gave to Cain
or a sign that reads “Broken!”
I am now a wiser, weaker man
because I know life’s surest truth
if you hurt another, you both cry
if you scar yourself, it’s only you who knows it