Morning Poem

Awake after 2 hours sleep
Scared of dreams where I’m the ghost
Inspired by some computer game
Downloading music that someone told me I’d like
Someone I know about as well as the famous voice
Someone who keeps me around
Because of like, or similarity, or concern
There’s no love there for either of us
She squeezed my hand when I needed it
Dragged me to the taxi
After we ate pizza in the square at 11 pm
When the cold invaded our bodies
Like rebels against this Roman wall
But relationships based on extreme situations never work
Imagine a spaced-out Sandra Bullock
Who smokes like a chimney and is veiled by rumours
I wish I was in love with my savoir

Meanwhile I’m struggling to keep breathing
I’m trapped in my mind
Looking at the world from the outside
Through Alice’s tiny keyhole
Can’t talk, look, think, write, work, get entertained
‘Cause all I wanna do is sink deeper
Into this distressingly grey bath
Wishing it was red
Creating blood because it makes me calm
Like trekking through the desert
Just to find an oasis called “Peace”
Everyone saying “I understand”
When they try to avoid pain
I need a shot of caffeine and Serotonin

Wondering how this world can’t see what’s wrong with itself
As I wait for a night tomorrow
Of going to a Boutchergate bar
That serves no alcohol
Where my religious friends hang out
While I pretend I’m fine
That I didn’t forget yesterday to read about and pray to
A God who’s bound to notice who I really am