Who Wants to Win a Camel? Episode 1

WHO WANTS TO WIN A CAMEL? EPISODE 1

"Welcome. My name is Sir Ronald Hump. I've made millions of dollars raising and selling camels and Hump Enterprises is now the number one camel trader in the whole world. You can say I've learned a thing or two about caring for camels along the way. Today, I'm embarking on a journey, a journey to reward one person with their very own personal camel. We've searched the country for the most talented young people who are willing to do whatever it takes in order to win their own camel. The road to the camel will be difficult, as they'll be subjected to challenges testing their ability to handle owning and caring for a camel. The ten competitors are now arriving at Hump Manor by helicopter. The competitors are…

BETTY, 24, a hairstylist.
"Growing up, I was the little girl who always wanted a pony. I always wanted a pony. But then one day, I was flipping through a book and I saw a picture of this camel and I thought it was the most adorable thing I'd ever seen. Since then, I've always been hoping that one day, I could get a camel and I'm so happy that I can get this chance."

ERIKA, 20, an heiress
"Um, my dad, like, owns like a jillion things and he makes like millions of dollars every second. He's probably like, made a million dollars in the time it takes me to like, blink or something. But even though my dad owns all this, I don't think we own a camel. So I thought like, we need a camel. We really need one."

GARY, 19, a student
"Well, recently, my dog Commando died and he was really my best friend in the whole world. Ever since then, I've just had this void. So I think that having a camel would really help me."

MARK, 30, a writer
"I collect a lot of odd things and I think a camel would be a cool thing to have. I think everyone deep down wants a camel. You know?"

MIKEY, 20, a professional bowler
"When I was in my first bowling league ever, my team was called the Rolling Camels. Ever since then, I've just had this strange fascination with them, and I just couldn't pass up a chance to actually have one."

NORA, 29, a genetic scientist
"I would like one camel, please, for my experiments. I mean. You did not hear me say that aloud. You've been deceived. Your memory is flawed. What I actually said was I want a camel for the… experience. And I'm Asian."

ROB, 27, a jouster
"I think the thing about camels that is so cool is that they are like horses, but if you get hit by a lance while on a camel, you can't fall off as easily, because those humps are there to provide you with some extra support, see? So, I'd really like a camel to see if it helps me with my jousting."

SIERRA, 30, a psychic
"I was reading my starsign when I discovered that Mercurius and Optolose were out of alignment. This displeased me greatly. One camel, Arabian in origin and without spot or blemish, will be required to… fix… things."

TRENT, 20, a model
"Well, I was walking down the street when this guy stopped me and he was like, 'Do you want to win a camel?' And I said, 'Yeah, sure, why not?' And then they like told me to follow them, so here I am now I guess."

And finally

VICKI, 26, a bartender
"I'm a fiery redhead. I like always say what's on my mind and it gets me into trouble. And that's what I think would be so great about a camel. A camel can't like get mad at you. At least, I don't think it can."

One by one, these people will fall to the wayside, until only one is left standing. Who is it going to be? We'll find that out as we begin the search to discover WHO WANTS TO WIN A CAMEL?"

~

The helicopters landed on the front lawn of Hump Manor and the ten competitors stepped onto the lawn. As they looked around at their new surroundings, they soon noticed Sir Ronald Hump walking towards them.

"Who is that?" Vicki asked.

"No clue," Mark whispered.

Sir Hump was now standing right in front of them. "Welcome everyone to Hump Manor."

"I have a question," Vicki said.

"Save it for later," Sir Hump said.

"Who exactly are you?"

"I was just about to explain that," Sir Hump said, a hint of frustration in his voice.

"Well, why didn't you say so ahead of time?" Vicki said, crossing her arms.

Sir Hump looked at Vicki, shook his head, and then continued with his speech. "Welcome everyone to Hump Manor. My name is Sir Ronald Hump. I've made millions of dollars raising and selling camels and Hump Enterprises is now the number one camel trader in the whole world. Today, one of you will have the chance to win one of my camels."

"Is it Arabian in origin?"

"What?" Sir Hump looked around to see who was asking the question and finally noticed that it was Sierra. "What did you say?"

"Is it Arabian in origin? The camel, I mean."

"If you want a camel that is Arabian in origin, I'm sure we could find one."

"And also, will it be free of spot and blemish?"

"Sure, we can find one free of… spot and blemish for you."

"I want," Sierra said, pausing, "that camel." She narrowed her eyes and began to glare at each of the other contestants.

"Right. Well. In order to win the camel, you will have to face a series of tasks. After each task, one of you will be asked to leave until finally only one is left standing. That person will win the camel. So now that you are here, let's begin the game shall we? The first thing we're going to do is divide you up into teams. I want the richest girl…"

"Ooh, that's me!" Erika said, shooting her hand up into the air.

"Right, I want the richest girl…"

"And I'm the prettiest one here too. Just saying."

"I want the richest girl…"

"My family owns like a jillion dollars. I blow you all away."

"I WANT THE RICHEST GIRL TO PLEASE STOP TALKING!" Sir Hump glared at Erika, who bit down on her lip. "Thank you. I want the richest girl and the richest guy to please step forward."

"Who's the richest guy here?" Mark asked.

"Not me," Gary murmured.

"The richest guy here," Sir Hump said, "is Mikey."

Mikey looked shocked. "Me? Whoa, was not expecting that." Mikey slowly walked up to join Erika in standing in front of everyone else.

"Now here is what I want you to do. As the richest, you two have the most power. You will now exercise that power by picking your teams. Erika, you will pick first."

Erika jumped up and down. "Oooh! This is so cool." Erika looked over the group of eight contestants, sizing each one up. Finally, her eyes rested on Trent, the model. "I want Trent!" she said. "I mean, on my team, of course."

Trent walked over and joined Erika and then it was Mikey's turn. "Well, I think Vicki has good energy and I'd like to have someone with that spark on my team, so I pick her."

Erika looked to make her second choice. "Rob, I also want you… oh, on my team." She then began to giggle and clap her hands like an idiot. "My team is the best!"

Rob joined Trent and Erika on the mat and very slowly sidled up to Trent. "Is she scaring you at all?" Trent slowly nodded. "Just checkin'."

Mikey looked at everyone else. "I can see that Sierra really wants to win and I'd like to have that kind of enthusiasm on my team, so I pick Sierra."

Sierra joined Mikey and Vicki, a smug smile on her face. "You've made a wise selection today."

Erika looked over the four people who were left – Betty, Gary, Mark, and Nora – and frowned. "This is hard now!"

Mark looked at Erika, then at Gary. "Should we be offended at that?"

Gary shrugged. "Probably."

"I'm gonna pick Mark, just because," Erika said.

"Well, it goes without saying that if I want a person with brains and intelligence on my team that I should pick the genetic scientist. So, Nora, get on my team."

"Okay, for my last choice, how about… ermmm… Betty," Erika said.

"Um, Gary," Mikey said.

"Hey, where's my speech?" Gary asked. "How come everyone else gets a speech and not me?"

"I don't know man, they didn't give me one for you," Mikey said, shrugging.

"What?" Gary asked.

"So those are our teams. To my left, I see Erika, Trent, Rob, Mark, and Betty. Erika, your team name is Dromedary. To my right, I see Mikey, Vicki, Sierra, Nora, and Gary. Mikey, your team name is Bactrian. Now, Dromedary, Bactrian, it's time for your first real challenge. Taking care of a camel requires a lot of money. I want to know that you are willing to take on that financial burden. So you are going to have to face a business task. Okay, everybody close your eyes for a few seconds and then turn around."

The teams did as Sir Hump said and were surprised to see buckets of grass at their feet. "How did these get here?" Trent asked. "I could swear they weren't here before."

"Your first task is to go out on the streets of New York and sell ten buckets of grass. Each bucket must be sold for ten dollars. The first team to sell all ten buckets and return here with one hundred dollars will win the task. The losing team will face me in the camel stable where one of you will be eliminated. Are you ready?" The teams nodded enthusiastically. "Good. When I say go, you can grab your buckets and begin. Ready, set… GO!"



Bactrian and Dromedary picked up their buckets and ran to the front gate.



DROMEDARY

Dromedary arrived at the gate first and found three taxis waiting there to take them into downtown New York.



"Well, that's convenient," Mark commented.



"Wait a minute, I'm pretty sure those weren't here before either!" Trent said, pointing at one taxi and then another.



"Calm down, Trent, they're just taxis," Betty said, leading the gasping model into one of the taxis.



"Excuse me!" Erika shouted, suddenly jumping in between the pair.



"What the- what are you doing?" Betty asked.



"Uh-uh, I believe the question should be what are YOU doing?" Erika said, snapping her fingers in Betty's face.



"Oh dear god," Rob mumbled under his breath. He went to stand next to Mark. "I'm going to take a nap. When the catfight is over, you wake me up, okay?"



"What the heck, Erika, that's exactly what I said!" Betty shouted.



"Actually, Erika, she did say exactly that," Trent said.



"Don't worry your pretty little head, honey, I'm going to take care of everything," Erika cooed to Trent.



"Erika, this is ridiculous! Let's get in the taxis and go," Betty said.



"And let you use your feminine wiles to distract Trent from the task at hand?" Erika shouted. "I don't think so!" Erika grabbed Trent and pulled him towards her. "Don't worry, Trent, I'm going to make sure that Betty here never gets another chance to lure you away. Now, let's get into the taxis like I've been telling us to do the whole time."



Erika led Trent over to the side of the road where the taxis were waiting earlier. Meanwhile, Mark turned to Rob and shook him awake. "Hey, I think it's over."



"Cool," Rob said, getting up off the ground. He picked up his buckets. "Back to work then."Rob looked up and sighed. "Or maybe not."



"Where did our taxis go?" Betty asked.



"They're gone!" Trent said, wiping his brow. "That's a relief."



"How are we going to get downtown, now?" Mark asked, looking around them for a vehicle.



~

BACTRIAN

"Well, we just got in the taxis," Mikey said, "and we're on our way to downtown New York. I believe we're significantly ahead of the other team now, so I'm feeling pretty confident."



Vicki nodded. "We saw Dromedary back there fighting, so we took advantage of that and arranged it so that we took all the taxis. Mark and I are in one and Gary, Nora, and Sierra are in the other."



"Weren't there three taxis though?" Mikey asked. "What happened to the third one?"



"Sierra took care of it," Vicki said simply.

~

"Good morning, sir," Sierra said, staring at the taxi driver.



"Yes, miss?" the taxi driver asked.



"I need you to go somewhere," she said, "far, far away."



"Alright, where is it?" the man asked. Suddenly, he felt Sierra's hand grab his face and twist it towards her own. He looked, mesmerized, into Sierra's eyes as the colors began to swirl, slices of green entwining with threads of blue. Then the colors began to fade away, leaving only a dark gray symbol.



"Go there," Sierra whispered, the sound of her words seeming to hover around his head, circling around him before finally crawling into his ears and boring their way deep into his brain.



"No," the man said, trying to break away. "NO! You can't do this to me! You can't! Noooooo!" The man grabbed Sierra hand and tried to pull free from her grip, but it was too late. Already he felt his resolve began to drain from his body. His hands fell limp. Slowly his face began to lose all emotion. "I will go…" he said, slowly, loosely grabbing the steering wheel. "I will go…"

~

"Hey," Gary said, looking behind him as they drove further into New York. "I still haven't seen the other team yet."



"That," Sierra said, "does not surprise me." In front of them, she saw Mikey and Vicki's cab come to a stop and they got out. "Here," Sierra said, "is fine."



The five members of Bactrian reunited on a sidewalk. "Now, how are we going to sell this grass? Remember we have to sell each bucket for ten dollars each," Mikey said.



"I have," Sierra said, "an idea. A brilliant idea." She looked up into the skies, smiled, and then looked back at Mikey.



"Okay, what do you say we do?" Mikey said, his voice shaking slightly.



"I say," Sierra said, "that you let me handle EVERYTHING."



The other four members looked at each other. "Is this safe?" Gary whispered to Mikey.



"I think it would be more dangerous if we said, no, Gary," Mikey said. Gary looked at Vicki and Nora. Vicki shrugged and looked at Nora, who sighed and finally shook her head. She reluctantly handed her buckets to Gary, who gave them to Sierra.



"We're believing in you," Gary said.



"As do I," Sierra said. "As do I."



~



DROMEDARY

"So, we finally found a bus that would stop for us," Rob said.


~

"Look, guys, there's a bus coming," Betty said.



"A bus? I'm not riding in a dingy old bus," Erika gasped.



"No, this could work," Rob said, "We've just got to make it stop. But how?" He paused, smiled, tapped Mark on the shoulder and looked straight at Erika.



"Huh?" Erika asked, tilting her head.

~

"And now we are on our way downtown."



"I can't believe you threw me in front of a bus, Rob!" Erika screamed.

"I can," Betty mumbled.



"Not much further, I'm guessing," Mark said. "Just a few more minutes and we'll be back in it."



~



BACTRIAN



Gary, Mikey, Vicki, and Nora were all sitting on the sidewalk, reclining on the side of a building. "That's a pretty good stage you built there, Nora," Mikey said.



"Well," Nora said, smiling, "I am Asian."



"So basically our plan is to let Sierra give her presentation and then watch as the people flock to buy the grass?" Vicki asked. "I don't think this is going to work."



"I wouldn't be so unsure," Mikey said.



Vicki scrunched her eyebrows and looked at Mikey. "Huh?"



"Look," he said, pointing at Sierra.



On the opposite side of the street, Sierra was standing in the middle of the stage that Nora had built out of old trash can lids and fenceposts. She had created a circle with the ten buckets of grass and was now standing in the middle of them.



"Ooh, I think the show is going to start soon," Gary said.



Sierra quickly turned around and began humming an ancient tune. Then she lifted her head to the sky. "PEOPLE… OF NEW YORK!" she shouted. A few people stopped what they were doing to watch her. Some pulled out their cameras. "I bring you warnings from above. The gods of the Apocalypse have been angered. They have summoned me here as their prophetess to tell you of the only way in which their anger can be assuaged."



"Ooh, prophetess," Gary said. "She's really breaking the gender barriers, isn't she?"



Nora looked at Gary and gave him an angry stare. "Excuse me; I am an Asian genetic scientist. Asian. Do not speak to me about breaking barriers."



"Shh, you two, I'm trying to listen," Vicki said.



"These ten buckets of grass represent the ten plagues that will be poured out upon New York. Each bucket is only ten dollars. For each bucket that you buy, your city will be spared from one plague."



"Ooh," Vicki said. "That's pretty clever. I never would've thought of that."



"I would have," Nora said. The other three looked at her. "Eventually," she added.



"Come! Come! Come and spare your city from impending peril," Sierra shouted. A few people then began to gather around and buy the buckets.



"Look, Hannah," a girl said laughing, "I saved New York from a plague!"



"Oh my gods, Lila," Hannah said, also laughing. "Quick, let me get a picture of you with the freaky prophetess woman." Hannah pulled out her cellphone camera and quickly snapped a picture. "What plague do you think we saved New York from, Lila?"



"I hope it was your ex-boyfriend," Lila said.



"Or maybe not," Hannah said, stopping. She turned around. "Do you think we should buy another one to make sure?"



"How about we buy one for your ex-boyfriend and I buy one for mine?" Lila said.



Hannah nodded. "That's a good idea. We'll buy one more."



"Haha, look at that! The buckets are just disappearing! We're blowing the other team away," Vicki said.



~



DROMEDARY



"We're here," Mark said. "Everyone get off now."



The five Dromedary members got off the bus, buckets of grass in hand. "We need to sell this stuff as fast as possible, okay?" Rob said. "Be relentless."



"Got it!" Betty said. She ran up to a man standing on the side of the street. "Would you like to buy some grass, sir?"



"Grass?" the man asked. He looked slowly from side to side. "How much?"



"Ten dollars a bucket," Betty said.



"TEN DOLLARS FOR A WHOLE BUCKET?" the man said. "I'll buy 'em all."



Suddenly Betty felt Rob's hand on her arm. "Sorry, sir, it's not that kind of grass." Then he turned to Betty. "I don't think we want to be selling to him, okay?"



"Hey Rob," Erika said, smiling.



"Erika, what are you doing?" Rob asked.



"I'm done," she said.



"You're done?"



"Yup. I sold my two buckets to one of my daddy's friends."



"What? Why didn't you tell us ahead of time that you could do that! Sell all of them to that guy!" Rob said. "Quick, everybody, give your buckets to Erika!" Rob frantically collected the remaining buckets. "Run, Erika! RUN!"



~



BACTRIAN



The other four members of Bactrian walked across the street to meet with Sierra. "Are we finished?" Vicki asked.



"Of course," Sierra said. "They're all gone. I told you I'd take care of it." She pulled the ten dollar bills out of her pockets. "Count them. It'll be one hundred dollars."



Nora grabbed them and began to quickly count. "She's correct. I count one hundred dollars and I mean, I'm Asian, so…"



"Great job, Sierra!" Mikey shouted. "Now all we have to do is get back to Sir Ronald Hump!"



~



DROMEDARY



"So, now," Rob said, "we are just waiting for Erika to get back with our money. We're really hoping this all works out with her friend of hers."



"Look, here she comes," Mark said.



"I've got the money, guys!" Erika said. "Let's go!"



"Somebody flag a taxi," Betty said.



"No need," Erika said. "My daddy's friend offered to give us a ride."



"And where is this ride of ours?" Rob asked.



Erika giggled and pointed straight above them.



~


BACTRIAN



"New York traffic," Mikey sighed. "This is killing me right now."



"Don't worry," Vicki said. "There's no way the other team could be ahead of us. Unless they managed to sell everything in two minutes and then got a helicopter." Vicki began to laugh hysterically. "That would never happen."



"Vicki," Gary said.



"What, Gary?" Vicki asked.



Gary sighed. "Never mind."



~



Sir Ronald Hump stood in the middle of his vast lawn, waiting for the teams to return. Suddenly, the sound of whirring helicopter blades made him turn around. He watched as Dromedary landed on the helipad on the top of his manor. "We're here, Sir Hump!" Erika shouted.



"Great!" Sir Hump shouted. "Now get down from there."



"Oh shoot," Erika said.



Sir Hump laughed. "Idiots," he mumbled. Then, he watched as the gate opened and Bactrian began to run across the lawn.



"We're here!" Mikey shouted. "Sierra, show him the money."



Sierra pulled the money out of her pockets and handed it to Sir Hump. Sir Hump slowly counted the money, then looked at the team. "Bactrian… you have won the task!"



"YES!" they shouted. Gary, Mikey, Vicki, and Nora gave each other celebratory hugs.



"You guys barely did anything," Sierra said.



"Oh, did you want a hug too, Sierra?" Vicki asked.


"I abhor hugging," Sierra spat.



Sir Hump turned to face Dromedary on the roof. "You guys kinda had the right idea towards the end, but as I expected, you screwed it up. I'm going to see you at my stable tonight where one of you will be eliminated from the competition."



~



THE STABLE

DROMEDARY



Sir Ronald Hump sat at the end of the stable and watched as team Dromedary – Betty, Erika, Mark, Rob, and Trent – walked into the stable. They each took a seat one of the waiting piles of hay and awaited Sir Hump's criticism.



"Well," Sir Ronald Hump said, "you guys really sucked today. Because of that, one of you five is going to get kicked out of here. So first, explain to me why you guys lost."



"Well," Mark said, "in the beginning, Erika held us up from getting into the cabs and then the other team came and took them."



"Mark, there were three cabs there. You mean to say they took three cabs?"



"We weren't really watching," Mark said.



"And that made you lose how?" Sir Hump asked.



"We could've used the extra time, Sir," Rob said. "Erika is clearly a liability on this team."



"Wait a minute, you can't get rid of me!" Erika said. "I'm the one who sold all the buckets!"



"Is this true?" Sir Hump asked Rob.



"It is true, Sir, but aside from that –" Rob began.



"Rob, how many buckets did you sell?" Sir Hump asked.



"None, but –"



"Then, Rob, would you say that Erika did better than you or worse than you on this task? She sold all the buckets and you sold none," Sir Hump said.



Rob sighed. "I would have to say that from that perspective, Sir, that Erika did… better."



"Trent, who would you kick out at this point?" Sir Hump asked.



"Uh, I have no idea, sir."



"Trent, what were you doing during this task?"



"Um…"



"Trent, if you can't tell me anything productive that you did…"



"I carried the buckets," Trent said.



"That's right, Sir, he did," Erika said quickly.



"Erika, all of us carried buckets!" Betty said.



"Betty, don't give me that. All you did on this task was cause problems," Erika said. "Sir, we would've been able to enter the taxis much faster if Betty here was not trying to play games with Trent."



"Betty, is this true?"



"No! Absolutely not! Erika is just trying to frame me."



"And why would I do that?" Erika asked.



"Ugh," Betty said, holding her head in her hands.



"You know what, this is getting us nowhere," Sir Hump said. "I want each of you to simply tell me who you think should be kicked out. We're going to start with Mark."



"Erika," Mark said.



"Erika," Rob said.



"Erika, again, Sir," Betty said.



"Um, uh…" Trent said.



"Okay, never mind you," Sir Hump said. "Erika, who do you think?



"Mark."



"Mark?" Sir Hump asked. "That's a new one."



"He didn't do anything at all during the task. And even though everyone is saying I should go, they're wrong. I did work. I sold those buckets. I brought that helicopter."


"But isn't the helicopter the reason you lost?"



"Did I say I brought the helicopter?" Erika said. "I meant to say… Betty…"



"Oh don't even go there, Erika!" Betty shouted.



"Betty, I must say quite frankly, I can't eliminate Erika. The task was to sell buckets of grass. The only one who sold anything was Erika."



"Well, I was working on selling something, when Erika came and said she sold hers quickly. After that, Rob gave all the buckets to her, so that's why no one else was able to –"



"So Rob, you are the reason four of the five team members were inefficient at this task?"



"With all due respect, I think you're looking at it all wrong, Sir Hump."



"Rob, aside from Erika, who should I fire?"



"Trent."



"Trent?"



"Yes, Sir. Honestly, sir, I'd have to say Trent and Betty did the least and between the two of them, I'd say you kick out Trent."



"But he carried the buckets," Sir Hump said.


"We all carried buckets," Betty sighed.



"Okay, since we can't come to a decision, this is what we're going to do. Erika, you pick two other people who you want to come back in with you."



"Rob and Mark," she said quickly.



"Why them two?"



"Because they threw me in front of a bus and Trent and Betty did not."



"That's a good reason," Sir Hump said. "Trent and Betty, you may leave."



"Thank you, Sir," Trent said, quickly leaving the room, Betty right behind him.



"And Betty," Erika said. "I'm watching you."



"Ugh," Betty sighed, shaking her head.



Sir Hump looked at Erika, Rob, and Mark.



"So one of you is going to go."



"Erika," Rob said.


"It's not Erika," Sir Hump said.



"Gah!" Rob said. "Mark, then."



"Me?"



"I vote for Mark, too," Erika said quickly.



"Mark, do you have anything to say for yourself?"



"Sir Hump, I really want to win. Maybe I didn't shine in this challenge, but it was only because there wasn't much opportunity."



"There was plenty of opportunity," Erika said, shaking her head. Rob looked at her and rolled his eyes as Mark continued.



"Sir, please, I really want to stay. I'm going to put everything into the next challenge if you let me stay."



"But Mark, your teammates here, Rob and Erika, they don't want you to stay."



"But that's just because –"



"I'm sorry, Mark, but if these Dromedary teammates of yours don't want you, how could you expect a real dromedary to want you?"



"Huh?"



"Mark, I'm sorry. I'm kicking you out. Goodbye."



Mark looked at Rob and Erika. "Bye guys."



"Bye Mark," Rob said, looking down.



Mark then walked to the stable door, but just as he went to open it, the camel in the stall next to him spat on his face. "What the!"



"It's just a parting gift, Mark, to show you what we think of your lousy performance today," Sir Hump said.



Mark sighed and stormed out of the stable. Sir Hump looked at Rob and Erika. "Well, the two of you survived this round. As for Mark, he was kicked out. I hope you all learned a lesson from his mistakes. Return to the mansion. Your next task will be tomorrow."



~

Mark's Final Words

"Well, that had to be one of the stupidest things that has ever happened to me. I'm very upset that I lost… first one to go. Honestly, I wish Rob the best of luck. I think out of all of them that Rob deserves to win the most. And hopefully, Erika gets chunked later. But uh, yeah, I'm glad for this opportunity and I'm still going to try to get a camel. It will just take a little bit longer now."