Family Meeting

FAMILY MEETING

Dad dragged me across the nearly empty car park. Only the spaces closest to the mall had cars in them. He was walking fast and I could not keep up with him. His fingers dug painfully into my arm.
"Dad," I protested, "you're hurting me!" He did not even look at me, just slapped me across the side of the head. I reeled, staggering, but not falling because of his strong grip on my arm. He wrenched me closer, causing the knife to dig deeper into my side. I bit back a scream. I searched the car park for my brother, Danny. I knew that if I found him I would be all right. He would take care of me. He always had before. It was not dark yet, but it was getting on towards it, the sky overcast. The dim light was shadowy and I could not see anyone familiar. Panic welled in my throat. I willed it away, knowing that if I let it overwhelm me I would do something stupid.
"Drop the knife!" The voice behind us was cold and deadly serious. Dad whirled around, slicing the knife down my side as he did. He let me go so suddenly I stumbled, my left leg buckling under me. I crumpled to the ground in a heap.

I sat there for ages, staring at the blood that welled out of the long gash down my left side. I could hear shouting and feet pounding on the pavement all around me. The world spun around me violently and I found myself lying face down on the concrete. Dizzily I struggled to get up. There was blood everywhere. I was scared. This was too much blood. I lay on the cold, blood-slicked cement, too dazed and frightened to move anymore.

And then Danny was there.

He knelt beside me, gently lifting me off the ground. He cradled me in his arms, not seeming to care that I was bleeding all over him. I looked up at him.
"I'm home." I managed to whisper.
"Yes, Stu." Danny agreed, "You are." I think he was crying, but everything looked watery around the edges so I couldn't be sure. The world was becoming blurrier and blurrier. I closed my eyes for a moment, hoping to clear them. The shouting seemed to grow closer all of a sudden. I wished it would stop as the noise was making me dizzy.
"It's over, Andrea!" I heard Danny yell at someone. "Let it go and come over here! I need your help." I struggled to open my eyes, wanting to see who Danny was screaming at.
"I'm scared." I murmured, unable to raise my voice above a whisper. "It hurts."
"I know, Baby." Danny was looking down at me, stroking my hair gently. "But don't be scared. I'm going to look after you. I promise." He pulled me closer. I was cold. Without my wanting them to, my eyes closed. Everything seemed to get further away, the shouting, the footsteps and Danny's low, reassuring voice.

After a while, I became aware of someone else near me.
"Can you do something?" Danny asked desperately. "Please, help him." I felt hands on me then. Warm, gentle hands.
"Give him to me," ordered an unfamiliar female voice. I clung to Danny, not wanting to be separated from him. I coughed weakly, tasting coppery blood in my mouth.
"What does that mean?" Danny demanded. "He coughed up blood."
"It could mean a lot of things, Danny." The stranger said. "It could mean a punctured lung. You have to let him go. I can't help him unless you give him to me." I could hear a siren somewhere in the distance, growing closer. I whimpered as Danny allowed the stranger to take me from his arms. I wanted to fight, but did not have the strength.
"Talk to him." The stranger directed. "He's not unconscious. He needs to know you're here." So Danny spoke. I don't remember what he said, just the comforting rise and fall of his voice, soothing me. The stranger was probing with slender, soft hands, causing red-hot pain to flare up in my side. The siren grew even closer.
"Danny." The woman who was holding me said suddenly. "Take my car keys. They're in my jacket pocket. I'll go with the boy in the ambulance. Meet me at the hospital. Are you going to be okay to drive?"
"Can't I go with...”? Danny began.
"No!" The voice was firm yet gentle. "Go on." I was aware of being lifted, but the movement sent me sliding into a pit of darkness that seemed to have been waiting to swallow me up.

I don't remember much for a long time. Thoughts and faces and hands were all mixed up with fragments of dreams and bright lights. The next thing I remember clearly is waking up and finding my thoughts fairly coherent. I lay with my eyes closed for a moment, listening to the sounds around me. I knew I was not at home, and as the last thing I really remembered was being stabbed, I guessed I was in hospital. There were voices nearby.
"Doctor Dalton," a woman was saying, "you've been sitting here for hours. You know better than to get personally attached to one patient."
"Damn it," a woman replied. "I am attached. He’s my brother!" My eyes snapped open and I found myself looking into an unfamiliar face. Unfamiliar, but not strange. She looked too much like myself to be strange. Myself and Danny. I stared at her for an eternity. Her eyes were large, round and the same deep velvety brown that mine are. She suddenly stood up and disappeared. That's nice, I thought indignantly. Leaving before we even got to talk. I didn't get to think much further along those lines because Danny came in. He looked tired but smiled at me as he sat down where the doctor had been only moments before.
"Who…?" I whispered, "She looks like us."
"Yeah." Danny answered, reaching out to brush some hair from my forehead. “She’s your sister, Stu.” Danny turned and beckoned. A moment later the woman I had been looking at reappeared, standing a little behind Danny.
“Stu,” Danny looked over his shoulder, smiling. “I’d like you to meet your sister, Andrea.”
“Ummm,” I wasn’t sure what to say or how to react. My head was spinning. I had heard the name recently, but I couldn’t remember when or where it might have been.
“Hi?” I offered finally.
“Hello Stuart,” Andrea came and knelt by the bed, studying me with those eyes that so perfectly matched my own. “I’m sorry I have to meet you under these circumstances. How are you feeling?”

How was I feeling? I could write a book on just that one subject. I was confused to start with. How could I have lived for almost twelve years and not know my own sister? Watching her and Danny together, I could tell that they were close; there was an obvious easiness between them. But how could they be so close when I had never before laid eyes on her? And did she have something to do with what my father had done to me? I looked desperately to Danny, wanting answers.
“Andi,” Danny said in a low voice, “Maybe you should leave Stu and I alone for a few minutes.”
“Okay,” Andrea got to her feet and turned to Danny. “Don’t stay too long. He needs to rest. There will be plenty of time for this when he’s better.”
“Yes Doctor,” Danny said mockingly, flashing her one of his killer grins.
“I’m serious, Daniel Fitzgerald!” Andrea swatted his arm lightly before looking back at me. “Would it be okay if I came back to see you later on, Stuart?”
“I guess so,” I said cautiously. I was not sure who this person was, how she fitted into my life. And until I could understand it all, I was not certain I really wanted her in it.
“I’ll be back later then,” she smiled warmly at both Danny and me as she walked out the door.

Danny and I were silent for what felt like a very long time, studying one another.
“I’m so sorry, Stu,” Danny said finally, his green eyes sadder than I had ever seen them. “I’m so sorry this had to happen to you. There are some things I probably should have told you. I just didn’t know how…”
“You….” I stopped and looked up at Danny, tears filling my eyes. “You lied to me, Danny.” I was just beginning to recognize the situation and felt as if the floor had been pulled out from underneath me. All my life Danny had been there for me, protecting me, guiding me. I had trusted and loved him so completely. But all that time he had been deceiving me.
“No Stu,” Danny said too quickly. “I never lied to you. I just…. I just never told you the truth.”
“It’s the same thing!”
“No it’s not,” Danny shook his head, leaning earnestly towards me. “I could have lied to you, Stu. I could have let you believe I was your father. That’s what Andi wanted me to do. But I couldn’t lie to you like that.”
“Why not?” I threw at him. “If you had, maybe Dad wouldn’t have done this to me!”
“I know,” Danny’s head was bowed and I heard a catch in his voice. “I’ve been thinking about that ever since we figured out what had happened to you. But I still think I was right, Stu. It wouldn’t have been fair of me to lie to you about who you are.”
“Why did Dad do this?” I asked, my voice sounding small and haunted even to me.
“He’s sick, Stuart,” Danny looked right at me. “I probably should have told you that. He’s been sick for a long time. Why do you think I never let you see him on your own?”
“You mean he’s done something like this before?” I was stunned. I could feel myself growing fatigued, weighted down with all this information. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to wake up and discover all of this was just a terrible, complicated nightmare.

“You look exhausted,” Danny said finally. “I should let you sleep. We can talk about this later.”
“No!” Even though I wanted nothing more than to sleep, I couldn’t let myself fall into that oblivion until I understood. “Please, Danny. Please….”
“It was just after you were born,” Danny sighed. “I guess Dad went kind of crazy with grief when Mom died. Andi was away at school and didn’t get home in time… Dad went to pick her up at the station. Mom had just died an hour or so before that. I don’t know exactly what happened, but they didn’t come back. Andi turned up four days later, hurt and half insane with whatever he’d done to her…”
“What did he do?” I pressed. Danny dragged his eyes off the point on the wall he had been staring at and looked at me.
“I don’t know,” he said softly. “She’s never been able to talk about it. Now, I want you to go to sleep, okay?”
“But…”
“But nothing,” Danny’s voice was firm. I knew better than to fight that voice; I went to sleep.

Andi was there when I awoke. She was at the end of my bed, head bent over a clipboard as she wrote. She was left-handed like me. I noticed a ring on her finger, answering my question as to why her name was Dalton when ours is Fitzgerald. I studied her for a moment, knowing she was unaware of my scrutiny. She was small, both short and slender with long dark hair that was the same colour and texture that both mine and Danny’s is. I knew that if the three of us were to stand together, there would be no doubting that we were related.
“You’re awake!” Andi looked my way and saw me staring.
“Where’s Danny?” I asked without realizing I was going to.
“I sent him home,” Andi sat down in the chair by the bed. “He’s been here about twenty-two hours a day with you so I told him to go and get some sleep.”
“Oh.” We sat in silence, my unasked questions sitting between us like unexploded bombs. I could tell she was uncomfortable; she picked at her cuticles just like Danny does when he’s nervous.
“Are you older than Danny?” I asked finally. I couldn’t tell.
“No,” she shook her head. “I’m three years younger. I’m twenty-eight.”
“I’m almost twelve,” I told her, unsure what she might or might not know.
“No,” Andi gave me a funny little smile. “You are twelve. Your birthday’s November fourteenth, right?”
“Yes.”
“Well, today’s the twenty second.”
“Really?” I stared at her, unable to account for the time that had passed. “I missed my birthday?”
“I guess you did,” Andi shrugged and went quiet. Neither of us wanted to talk about why.

“So,” I said finally, shattering the silence. “How come I’ve never met you before?” Andi started, obviously thrown by my directness and the beligerant tone I just couldn’t keep out of my voice.
“Um… Well,” she stammered, “I’ve just never wanted to meet you.”
“What?” I stared at her. “Why not?”
“I…. I can’t tell you,” Andi bent and picked furiously at her fingers. She was going be bleeding before too long.
“You have to!” I cried.
“No, I can’t. I don’t have to.”
“Tell me!” I demanded. Andi didn’t know me. She didn’t know how stubborn I could be when I set my mind to it, when I really wanted something.
“No!” Andi was getting angry. Her face flushed and I could see her hands clenching into fists as she tried to control it.
“Please? Don’t I have a right to know?”
“You want to know?” Andi stood up, furious suddenly, eyes blazing. “You really want to know?”
“Yes!”
“You killed my Mom! You made my Dad go nuts! Why would I want to know you?”

I fell back on my pillows, her words blows to my head beating me away from her. I could feel hot tears prickling in my eyes and fought against them. I looked up when I got my tears under control and found Andrea staring at me, eyes wide and shocked. For a long moment she gazed at me, then turned and left.
“I’m sorry!’ I heard her say as she pushed past someone in the doorway. “I didn’t mean to…”
“What didn’t you mean?” It was Danny’s voice. I turned towards the door and saw that he was holding Andrea’s arm, looking over at me.
“What did you do, Andi?” he asked, voice stricken. “What did you say?” I realised then that I was crying. No noise, just huge tears rolling down my face.
“I… I…. I told him the truth!” Andi choked, trying to wrench her arm free of Danny’s grip.
“You didn’t!” Danny stared at her. “Goddamn it Andi! I don’t ask you for much do I? But I asked you not to say that. You know it’s not true! You can’t lay something like that on a kid.”
“What? Not even if it’s the truth?”
“It’s not though!” Danny was as furious as Andi now. “He didn’t ask to be born! It’s not his fault. I’ve told you that over and over. Why can’t you just listen for once?”
“Oh, so now I’m not entitled to my own feelings? Jesus, Danny! You can be so fucking self-righteous sometimes!”
“Stop it!” I cried. “Just stop!”
“What is it?” Danny let go of Andi and came across to me.
“Stop fighting about me! If you can’t explain all of this, just go away! Both of you!” I wiped the tears from my face savagely with the back of my hand.
“Okay,” Danny nodded. “You’re right. We shouldn’t be doing this in front of you. I’m sorry, Stu.”
“Uh, yeah.” Andi came a little way back into the room. “Me too. Maybe it’s not true. But I’m sorry Stuart. That’s how I feel. And that’s why I’ve never been a part of your life. Once you leave here, you won’t have to see me again.”

And with that she left. Maybe she was right and we would never see each other again. But now I knew. I had a sister who hated me for being born. And knowing would change everything.


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