Seeing With Blind Eyes

As an assignment in a writing class, I have a choice of being blind or deaf. There are those who have no choice and cannot go back to a world of light, colors, sunsets and sunrises at the end of an assignment. There are those who cannot hear a baby coo, or a bird sing now nor ever.

I gave much thought to this exercise and what I would gain from it or lose from it. I have deaf mutes in my family and felt I would have an advantage over some students because I can converse and know how to use the available senses to lead a productive and happy life without sound.

I have lived my life finding the enabling qualities of disabilities to give a greater quality of life for someone else, yet finding more quality in my own life by doing so. I have a son who is dyslexic and I had to learn what he saw in order to help him.

I wanted this exercise to be something unknown and new to anything I've faced.

I took gauze and cotton balls from the medicine cabinet along with wide tape. I gazed around the room instilling my "things" in my mind. I took a walk around the yard and in the edge of the woods absorbing each site.

No more procrastination, time is up. I stood in front of the mirror and carefully covered and taped each eye covering each one first with a cotton ball then a thick gauze pad securely tapped to eliminate any sliver of light.

This would be a time of spiritual renewal for me. Slowly calculating in my mind's eye the position of furniture and walls I made my way to the front door. This would not be an endeavor to experience in isolation.

I reached for Andy's leash hanging next to the door. He danced and jumped as I took it in my hand. I could hear his toenails making pecking sounds on the floor each time he elevated himself upward wanting his leash knowing that meant outside.

Spirit plays a large part in my life and Andy and I had a serious conversation about reversal of roles today. He would be my eyes as well as his. I placed myself in his care hoping his overwhelming hyperactivity wouldn't lead us so far into the woods it would take hours to find my way out when the experiment was finished. Uh oh! How will I know when it is time to stop and take of the bandages?

I can't see how light or dark it is. I cannot see how to set my cell phone alarm. I cannot see how to set the alarm on my wrist watch. Andy's anxious tug on the leash reminds me to open the door and step by step make my way outside.

Okay, okay! I know! I have it! I take my cell phone out of my pocket and feel how to dial my son's number. I explain my situation and tell him to call me in a couple of hours to check on me so if I am hopelessly lost in the woods someone will know where to begin a search.

Andy's Spirit must have understood our talk and the responsibility he had for his demeanor calmed down dramatically from his normal behavior.

Holding one hand out in front of my body and using sweeping motions I feel the air and space before me. Andy is in charge so I don't know whether I am headed for the woods or the road. It is customary for us to do both.

My fingers feel the prick of a sharp pointed leaf. I can smell the moist earth beneath my feet and feel the softness of dirt freshly disturbed. I know where I am. Yesterday a neighbor had cleared some brush in the edge of the woods.

I inhale deeply searching for the direction of Wind. My neighbor had cut some small trees and set a bonfire to burn them and the brush last night. I could smell the smoke. I walked toward the scent of the fire.

It is cold here and the warm embers would be therapeudical. I knew Andy and I had ventured half a mile into the woods. I can feel the warmth increasing as I draw nearer to the smoldering coals. Andy gives a tug on his leash and refuses to go further so I know it is time to stop.

I turn around and make my way back feeling in the air as I do. I know there is a cedar tree near. I can smell the evergreen scent. I feel the prickly tingle as I walk into the Cedar Tree. I stop and praise Creator for this day, for Mother Earth. I gently take some cuttings from Cedar thanking it for the cleansing it will give my Spirit. I feel inside the deerskin bag around my neck and bring out a piece of corduroy material wrapped around cornmeal ground from corn I grew last spring and sprinkle some over Ceder in thanks for the cuttings.

I began walking in the direction I think the seething hot coals are located. Wrong, I do not feel warmth and know I have taken more steps than it took getting to Cedar Tree. I try another direction and feel only the coldness of the winter air. One, two, three steps as I turn and go forward again.

Much better. I feel the heat of the coals now and amazingly I can hear the popping and crackling of the wood and embers as they burn. Andy stops again and I know I have gone far enough.

I get on my knees and rake a bed of leaves with my hands into a pile. I sit in the midst of them and wrap the end of Andy's leash around my arm and clip it so he cannot venture away in search of Squirrel leaving me at the woods mercy.

I take my Medicine Bag from around my neck knowing by the satiny smooth feel of the small piece of silk I have Sage in my hand. I empty it in the palm of my hand relishing the texture and pungent smell as never before. I feel again and find a braid of sweetgrass. Stretching my hands out until I know they are positioned over the embers, I drop all including Cedar pieces. Andy understands this is time for Spirit to talk. He lies quietly at my side. I inhale deeply using the palms of my hands to capture the smoke to smudge myself with.

I sit quietly. Wind whispers through the treetops. I listen. I see through my memory blue, calmness for Sky. I thank Creator for Heavens. Memory brings up green for Life in Grass and Trees. I thank Creator for Life and Mother Earth to sustain it. I feel red for the embers dancing at my feet. I thank Creator for Fire and the warmth it offers to ease the cold.

In a sudden, I sense white. Spirit is with me. I begin to chant and only Creator knows what I say. My mind is clear. I feel pain in my left shoulder as Andy whines. He feels the peace ebb away too. I see and feel pain and see desolation, bare ground, no trees, no herbs, no squash, no corn, no beans. I feel hunger in my stomach. Where did my peaceful world evaporate to?

I want to leave yet have no energy to move. I cannot get up. Wind blows sharply and I pull my coat closer to me. Andy snuggles closer hiding his nose and head under my crossed legs. He becomes quiet again. Wind is gentle again. I sense Spirit and see White Buffalo looking directly into my eyes even though they are covered. I see Kola, my White Wolf, who has crossed over at the Buffalo's side. There is a tear, a single tear, sliding down the face of Buffalo and they fade away in a white mist.

And I have this message for Ruby StandingDEER: the deep set eyes are the Spirits crossed over watching and guiding your teaching of others the old ways and lessons. The other set of eyes are yours and what you can see, yet your eyes alone are not enough to preserve a dying of Sacred Teaching. Your responsibility is to tell what you see through your eyes with their guidance. Know this: it is not for you to force their acceptance of the Sacred Ways only to teach and to offer them.

I sit and wonder at what I have just experienced. It will take more than one sitting and this assignment to understand what has just taken place.

Andy moves as if knowing Spirit's sermon is finished. The cell phone ringing startles me. I do not want to answer it. I want to stay in this place longer. I know it is time to go back so I answer the phone and tell my son I will call him in a few minutes to let him know I've made it back safely.

I am weak and feel as if my body and my Spirit are trying to find one another and meld into one again. I choose to not take off the bandages just yet and go home the same way I came even if it will take a little longer. Andy will lead me straight home anyway.

I get to the house, enter and unclasp Andy's leash. He seems to understand roles have reversed again and he is his hyperactive self. I hesitate to take off the bandages just yet. I phone my son to let him know I am safe and sit on the couch to reflect on this extraordinary experience and to meditate on what I have learned from it.

I take off the bandages and begin to record the experience that turned out to be so much more than just a writing assignment for me.

What I learned is that for Sacred Lessons to be taught or learned it matters not if your eyes can see or if your ears can hear as long as your Heart, Soul, and Spirit can.