My Deaf Experience (second run)

My “deaf” experience.

I put the ear plugs into my ears and walked into Wal-Mart. The first thing that hit me is that fact that, even if you are not listening to anything, you are still hearing things. I should have been able to hear the carts of other shoppers coming up behind me, of people saying, “Excuse me” if I was in there way. I heard none of that. It made me think back to the days when I worked at K-Mart and was there before we opened. Even in an empty store there were so many noises. Now there were none. It was actually somewhat creepy. I don’t know if I could take silence like that – silence all of the time. The worst part for me was going through the electronics section and not hearing music. I realized that I would never hear music again as a deaf person. Music is life to me. My thought was, “What must it be like to have never heard music to begin with?” As I walked through various departments I thought about how my daily activities would change. In the fishing section I thought I would still be able to fish, which is mostly a “feel” thing, but then realized I would not hear the sounds of nature. In the infant’s department I realized I would never hear the sound of my niece’s baby crying, or hear his voice. There were so many things I would miss out on. I saw a small child whispering something to another child and realized I would never hear another one of those “secrets” again.

I have learned a small amount of sign language from a deaf acquaintance, but soon realized that it would not really help me. I found an employee and attempted to ask how much an item on a shelf would cost. I fished through my purse to find a piece of paper to write down my question. I could see her getting agitated that it was taking me so long to come out with the fact that I was deaf and would not be able to hear her response. I needed her to write it down. Once I wrote my question she looked sympathetic and seemed eager to help. I must add here that I live in a very small town. I would imagine a less helpful response in a bigger city. Having lived in one for the last year, I would also imagine a feeling of being more “alone” with my deafness.

The girl was helpful and wrote “is there anything else I can do for you?”

I shook my head and went on my way, mouthing, “thank you.” I realized then that if I were deaf from birth I may not know how to mouth any words… or I may, I guess. I’m still not sure about that, but I guess I would be able to.

At the checkout the lady asked me a question, which I didn’t understand, so I simply nodded. I assumed she probably asked if I found everything… but maybe she asked how I was doing. I didn’t know. Paying for my purchases was not that difficult, though.

I swiped my bank card and was on my way. Out in the parking lot things got more difficult again. I did not hear a car coming across the parking lot at an angle. I had parked fairly far out, so I had a way to walk to get back to the car. I didn’t see the car as I was being careful to watch where I was going and not slip on the snow and ice. Once I saw the vehicle come so close to me and slide sideways, I jumped back. The driver was slamming his hand on the wheel and obviously yelling at me for not watching where I was going.

Explanation: I was somewhat worried about this experience, which was different from my last, as I was in a setting that was familiar but not as familiar as my own restaurant was in my last experiment. I chose to do another activity after talking to Diane and picked another setting. I realized that a big part of my life would be gone if I lost the ability to hear (I didn’t choose the blind experiment because, quite frankly, that scares me more than most anything). I also realized that if people did not know I was deaf, they would not take the time to help or to even interact with me. Some people were fairly ticked off that I did not hear their “excuse me” in the store… and, of course, the man in the parking lot probably went home and told his family about the “idiot” in the parking lot that should have seen him coming. The employee that I interacted with in the store was surprisingly friendly but, as I said, only after she understood the situation. Again, I think that is due to the small town where I live and I would not expect that in the bigger city where I lived a few months ago. I think the word that stands out for me is Lonely. It would be lonely to be in public and not have anyone understand why I was different or care to help.