Catch of a Lifetime

Tears escaped as I looked at the photograph of my father.  Inwardly, I cursed myself for letting them out.  I worked so hard to put up a wall of strength and composure.

Snap a couple, Jamie.  We don't want to forget this day.

His words rang as clear in my head as if he were in the room with me.  God, how I wish he were here. 

"Daddy, growing up is too hard without you."

My tears brought anger at the world and at myself. 

"This is the dumbest assignment ever," I said to no one, because of course no one was there.  "How is making a scrapbook of my life an English project?  It's like saying my life is done.  Is Mr. Ledford so old he's forgotten that my life is just beginning?  Graduation is right around the corner."

I know, baby girl.  And Daddy's so proud of you.

"Stop it, stop it."  I closed my eyes blocking out the voice I knew I was creating out of loneliness for my father.  His spirit had moved on, and mine was left behind.  Left behind to face a world that I was too young to handle.  A place where a grieving parent whithers before her daughter's eyes.  A place where society turns its head, because it doesn't know how to help.

And yet my father's grin looked up at me, as if everything was wonderful.  And it had been . . . then.  The images overtook my thoughts of self-pity.  We had fished, skipped rocks, caught grasshoppers, and fished some more.  My father had been so proud when he caught that monster.  It was as if he had won the Masters, except of course of fishing.

This baby weighs more than you did.  And you were a big one!  Trust me your mom doesn't let me forget it.

Laughing, I remembered him throwing it back.  I was astonished.  The catch of his life, and he sets it free.  I had screamed thinking he had lost his mind.  And what did he do?  Just chuckled while he put a new worm on his lure.  His words so clear in my memory.

Gotta leave the good ones for the rest of the world to enjoy, baby girl.

"Why couldn't God throw you back, Daddy?  You were one of the good ones.  The best."

He did, baby girl.  He left part of my spirit in you for the world to enjoy.