Beauty For Ashes II

To appoint unto them that mourn
In Zion. To give unto them beauty
For ashes, the oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of
Heaviness, that they might be called
Trees of righteousness, the planting of
The Lord, that he might be glorified.

Now that I am older and wise,
I reflect back with grateful eyes
On my lonely youth of sorrow
With renewed joy for tomorrow.

A young man, I suffered quietly
With my joy lost eternally,
For I knew not my absent father
Who forsook me and my mother.

The pain of being fatherless
Was in my mother’s sadness,
For I could see it in her eyes
That I was not my father’s prize.

And as depression developed
I became suffering enveloped
In the body of a rejected youth,
For I could not deny its truth.

Feeling unloved and despised,
My melancholy was realized!
Sadly, the pain of growing up
Became my portion and my cup.

This plight had become my young life,
One of distress and self-imposed strife.
Not until a score of some years
Later, did God wash away the tears!

But as all this was happening,
My mother too was suffering!
For her marriage to a very cruel man
Became more than she could stand.

Oh, I recall the horrible nights
When they’d have bitter, angry fights:
Because of his resentment of me
For being someone else’s progeny!

The heated quarrels eroded her.
And very soon she began to suffer
As I did, but all the more greatly,
For her depression grew rapidly.

Then once a man and an adult,
I longed to rebel and to exult
In Eros and my carnal desire
To feel passion’s consuming fire!

Alas, it was a dreadful mistake!
I gave my body for lust’s sake
To someone I loved not or cared.
Now my sins cannot be compared.

Now and anon, I regret my error
Whenever I gaze into a mirror,
For I can never change the past
Once the bitter die has been cast.

Now that I am older and wise,
I have come to fully realize
That in the present as in the past,
That God’s mercy really does last.

As my sins and regrets melt away
God’s love was always there to stay.
With renewed eyes of faith I now see
There’s no greater love than His mercy.

The joy and peace that life has stolen
Are restored to me when He is chosen!
And as life and time inevitably passes
I again know joy, and beauty for ashes.