Diplomacy or being Straightforward

Diplomacy or being Straightforward

Most of my life I have been somewhat of a peacemaker.
Recently though I am not sure why I have become somewhat of a straightforward almost blunt person, I am not sure what it was that finally made me turn the curve. Perhaps it was being stepped on one too many times while I was trying to navigate some of the tense times. It could have been the fact that I became bitter. No one seemed to listen when I was busy making peace. When things were gently spoken, they did not seem to make any impact or not enough to make a difference.

When you look up diplomacy in the dictionary it says:

         1.The art or practice of conducting international relations, as in
          negotiating alliances, treaties, and agreements.

         2.Tact and skill in dealing with people. See synonyms at tact.

I am told that I don’t use this skill quite enough. I guess I may not any more. Although in my defense when I drop the tact it is usually about the umpteenth time I have said something to someone and they still don’t get it. That is when my diplomacy and tact go straight out the window and I become blunt. I figure if tapping them on the shoulder don’t get their attention then perhaps a hammer blow will. Well, not actually that violently, let’s just say metaphorically speaking.

I suppose that in saying things repeatedly throughout my life I just decided that blunt always seemed to work. That is where my job comes in to play. When I am at work since blunt is now my second nature it comes out all the time. Most people understand. There are a few though that do not understand blunt speech, they prefer if you run them around the hedges and flatter them before you say exactly what you mean. Why, I have never ever figured out.

Personally I would rather someone get to the POINT NOW! It is not that I am exactly an impatient person exactly; OK, so I am. I guess it is intolerance of ignorance that is more my problem. I feel like if you don’t know anything about a subject you should not profess you do. Just keep your mouth shut. I try to exercise this as much as possible. Therefore, gossiping and small talk is not something that I do. I am the quiet one. The one that says things when they need said or keeps their mouth shut.

The only real problem I have with this is that it seems to intimidate people. I seem to intimidate people. That just floors me. Why? Being straightforward is not intimidating. People only hear about ½ of what is said anyways. I am not a big person and I am female what in the world makes me intimidating to others?
I can use tact and talk my way out of things when I try. I know the right words. I even know how to say them. So why does the truth seem to them to be an entirely new concept?

Unbelievably I was actually a technical liaison between two groups of people that were having a very hard time functioning as a unit just a few short years ago. My job was to smooth over the relationship between two helpdesk and get them to work together. I was good at it! I loved the job. Then I decided to move to a place where my children could grow up in a “nicer” country environment.

Where I am currently at, I love it but I have absolutely no say at all. It is all Yes, yes, yes. If I have to say no then I have to have my boss say it, because they don’t believe me. Perhaps that is what the problem is. So why should I say anything? When I do, they hear nothing but yes, blah, blah. I am also told don’t be so technical. When I am not being technical I am told don’t dumb it down for them. So what should I say. When I come up with something interesting any more I tell my teammate and have him tell my boss. My boss is a great guy, he just does not listen to me that well. My teammate can say exactly the same thing and be heard. It is extremely frustrating.

Therefore, this year when my yearly review came up the biggest weakness that I had last year was my lack of tact, or diplomacy. So now, I am trying to figure out how to correct that situation. Trying to put my finger on how to use the tact when what I say doesn’t seem to matter.

This is not anything new and I am not sure why after nine years I should try to change it. I do however like my job and would love to improve. So how do I do this? I have gotten to the place where I do not really talk to many people at work, nor do I actually attend any of the fun functions that the people I work with have, I am not even asked anymore. I am just another worker. Someone that they don’t know.