A Curs-ed Push and Pull

A Plea for Understanding…

The best laid plans of mice and men;
Dear God - it comes around again.
I’m not allowed to speak my mind;
I’m not allowed to seem unkind.

I’m not allowed to feel my hurt;
I’m not allowed to seem I’m curt.
I’m not allowed to disagree;
I’m not allowed to just be me.

It hurts - it is a mighty sting;
I feel the servant of a king
Whose law is stated very clear -
To disagree is most severe.

The ache – it is an awful blow;
To be dismissed for feeling low.
His heart takes such an awful stand -
He always must be in command!

I’m asked to understand his stance;
I’m asked to give his soul a chance.
I’m asked to give up all I see -
I’m asked to give up dignity…

My heart grows weary of this mess,
The pain inside – with added stress
Of knowing that it’s fine with him
To never see me on a whim.

Oh what a curs-ed push and pull –
He’s bless-ed yet he’s down right cruel;
To know I’m only welcome when
He needs something – he wants me, then…

I have to come to terms with this;
I’m falling in a deep abyss
Where there’s no answer – no clear fix;
I’m empty in my bag of tricks.

While love stands strong and love stands true
I running out of things to do
To save my psyche – save my heart;
I cannot share what’s torn apart.

And yet he needs me in his day;
So with this fact I bow and pray
To He who has all answers sought -
To He who blesses battles fought…

I lay myself before my God;
In reticence - with no façade.
I ask Thy blessings - ask Thy aid -
I ask Thy mercy be displayed.

Though love is true where he’s concerned;
My heart is getting awfully burned.
I shake my head with downward stare -
And bow in silence - with a prayer.