Discovering Me

If you ask most any Woman at My age -Yikes 40, , what has changed their life the most they would probably say birth, marriage, divorce, certain friendships. Some might even tell you work. Well unfortunately, I am in the above majority. All of these things have affected my life. Making me into who I am today. Although if you asked the same Woman what changes in their life have made them happy? Well I am not so sure that you would ever see that same complete listing, with the exception of mine.

The first Birth that changed my life and made me a completely different person was the Birth of My only sibling. My younger Brother and a person that I have learned over my life span is a true friend. He is someone that I leaned on as much as he ever leaned on me. We grew up together, plotted, and got into trouble. Of course, like all siblings we fought. In fact we went at it so hard as children that I asked in High School If my kicking him, well, I am sure you can figure out where, If he would still be able to have children. Once he finally got a little older, he actually hurt me with a hit. Then he followed it up with an "I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you." Well, at first that didn't do anything except make me madder at him. Within about fifteen minutes, we were fine again. I learned never to fight him though.

The next great influence was becoming friends with my mother. Well, yes we are friends. Why not, she was young when she had me, Young enough not to have forgotten her youth. Our differences made our relationship much stronger. We were not always friends. I was a teenager for a couple of years; we were enemies or so it seemed. From about 14 to 17, and I can tell you that was a very long three years. In that time, I actually moved out. Quit School, got married and worked two jobs. It was not until between my 17th and 18th year that I discovered I had went from a child to an adult overnight and my mother and I slowly came back together. By 18, I was divorced and my mother and I were friends. We still didn't agree all the time, nor do we now.

The next major event in my life happened when an "old friend" turned out, no friend at all; just a user and liar. Though I would never ever change the time we were "dating". I have two beautiful children from that live in experience. One is My daughter, who is every bit the beautiful little dragon. The looks of a Model and the temper and strength of a martial artist. I can take you that I took some getting used to having a little girl that looked like she would break when you breathed on her. Then I had a son, just as things were going to pot with the "old friend". I left while I was pregnant with my son. His family really was not behind me having a second child for the most part. I personally did not care. This was my son, not theirs.

The breakup and second child on the way made me decide my life could stand an overhaul. I went back to high school, through a special course and got my GED and some College. That is when I decided that no matter what I would be able to give my children a nice life all by myself. I got myself enrolled in college, and the fall after my son was born. I went to college with both children being under five. I am not sure how I did it, I just did. My son being born, looking into his blue eyes, and seeing the child that I carried helped. He looked like one of my best friends, my brother. In resemblance between my oldest son and my brother is still amazing. The only difference is my son who is now 18 is about a foot taller than his Uncle, which of course is one thing my son is thrilled about.

These two children became a focal point in my life. You could not look at them without loving them. They were well behaved and close. My daughter became little helper and then tried being a little mommy for her brother. They played well together and got along well for only being about 18mnths apart in age. It wasn't until they got older that they had their little tiffs.

Then in college, I meet a very close friend who I would spend the next thirteen years with. We meet and it was those kinds of romances that you’re read about. Try as much as I could I could not make him run away from me. He was way to naive to run off. I introduced him to my mom. My mom is great, though I can tell you that 5'5" woman of little bit of nothing seems to grow horns and tail and scare the daylights out of most guys. Not this one, the only comment he had after meeting my mom was, could you have given me some warning when you were going to leave the room? My two young children didn't scare him off. His family could not warn him off. Nor could his sister’s dislike of me change his mind. A little, less than a year after we meet we were married. Looking back, wow were we ever young.

Nine months and two weeks after we were married, my life changed again. Our son was born, my youngest. We were all kept hopping as this child was unlike my other two, he was twice the energy of the other two in at that time half the body. I learned that children really can climb curtains and that climbing before walking was probably a very good thing. With three children being, married and both of us working full time, life took on its own sort of challenges. All three children grew, and became close to each other making it hard sometimes to figure out who was guilty of what.

The years went by and gradually I begin to notice a change in my friend and husband. After about 12 years, our marriage became nothing. It broke apart and the only thing I could do at the time to keep any peace in my home and for the children was accept it. The love was not gone and for a while, it felt like the most horrible thing that had ever happened in my life. That part lasted a year or two, and then I eventually got my friend back. Not as we were before, only friends, though it did help my youngest to come to grips with the whole split family thing.

Though In all the time those things were "falling" apart, I was discovering that I was a person; more than a mother and much more than a wife. I never really had thought beyond those things before all of this happened to me. I discovered that I would have plenty of time to do something else with my life besides just what I had been doing. Of course, there is a time in every person's life when they are young when they have dreams. I did, mine were of becoming a writer. I had done this for most of my life off and on, though everything I wrote I hid away. Therefore, I started with "poetry" on a site that is not really a place that you really ever get noticed. Then I had a few successes other places with different poetry contests never money. Nobel House London publishing something of mine was an honor.

The oldest two children are grown and one has left home the other is not far behind. Amazingly, I am friends with my mother and my own children. Of course, the one at home doesn't always see eye to eye with me, then what parent and child always do.

Each of these things has changed me, to some degree or another. Each one of these things makes me happy. I am in no way famous, rich; my children and family are not any of these things either. However, each of these things has a way of helping me though each day and looking at things in ways that I never ever would have. When I lay down my head at night, I can you honestly name what has made me happy.