Lesson 5 Assignment 2

There’s a traffic accident outside of a diner. A cab is rear-ended by another vehicle. The following are interactions between police officers called to the scene and three separate individuals who were close enough to see the accident:

Tommy Tellsalot

I know! I know! I seed it, Mr. Officer! Okay, here’s what happened. Billy, he’s my brother, well he spilled his milk. See, it’s soakin’ into the floor? Anyways, but it was his fault. My mommy, she’s over there helpin’ that man with the cut on his forehead. Well, she would think its okay that I’m talkin’ to you, because you’re a Police Man, and you are here to help me, you know?

Yes, Son, I understand. Okay, now real slowly. You’re sitting next to the window here, and you see this blue car hit the yellow car, right?

Yeah, and its Billy’s fault. If Mommy would have been watching, she would have prayed that the other drivers would be safe, and then they would be. See, we never been in an accident, and that’s why. ‘Cause Mommy prays. But, she couldn’t watch ‘cause she was cleanin’ up Billy’s milk. He always messes everything up. Little brothers are not as fun as they tell you, so don’t ever have one, okay?

Okay, Tommy. But, let me ask you about the accident, okay?

Sure, what do you want to know?

What did you see happen?

Well, I was eatin’ my pancakes. They make the best ones here. They have chocolate chips in them! Don’t you love chocolate chips?

I do, Tommy, I do. Okay, so, you’re going to be my detective, okay? Detective Tommy, can you tell me what took place here today?

Mommy! Mommy! I’m a Detective! Well, she had to take Billy to the potty. She always has to do that. She won’t even know I’m a detective until she gets done with his diaper. That’s another thing that’s bad about havin’ a baby brother. Diapers come before anything… even ice cream!
It smells in here. It smells like my dad’s burning garbage again. Yuck!

Tommy, we have to leave the restaurant, okay?

I can’t leave without my mommy and stupid Billy! It doesn’t matter if I like him or not mommy says, he’s part of my life now and I can’t leave him.

Tommy, there’s a fire, okay? We need to get out. I’ll send one of my men in to get your mommy and Billy, okay?

But my pancakes…. HEY! Put me down! Mommy!

Edna Doomandgloom

So, Edna, tell me what happened.

It’s the second coming, I tell you! It’s the end of the world as we know it!

Edna, it was a traffic accident. I need to know what you saw.

I saw God. I saw him tell the people not to drive those vehicles that are ruining the Earth. That’s what I saw! They didn’t heed his warning. Those cabbies are the worst of a sorry lot, I tell you! Cabbies are the root of all evil. They go when they want to go and stop when they want to stop!

So, Edna, you’re telling me that it was the cabbie that stopped short and the car behind had no way to avoid the accident?

Accident? There was no accident, Officer. This was destiny! Sinners one and all! These drivers are all sinners! They pollute the very air and ground that feeds them! No good can come of any of this. There now, do you see the smoke? I tell you, it’s the end of days! The end of days! He is coming! Repent, ye sinners!

Edna, it was a simple traffic….. There’s a fire in the restaurant!

Of course there is! Sinners, one and all. It’s the apocalypse I tell you! Stand before God! Stand before your Savior and beg for forgiveness!


Darcy Multiwig

Ma’am, can you tell me what you saw?

Ummm, yeah. This dude pulls up, right, and he’s all like going to take a right, right? Then, like SHIT! He turns on his left signal and pulls into the other lane. What an idiot, you know? Must be a freakin’ tourist or some crap. Hate those S.O.B.s. You can’t go anywhere in this town when they’re around, you know? I mean, you know, right? You’re a cop. You have to go places and you can’t. Shit. That’s why I stay home when those freaks are out. I go out at night, you know? Like if I’m going somewhere, I wanna just go there, you know? I don’t wanna wait around for some dork-ass to figure out which way to turn and whatever, you know? Like, whatever. That’s just crap, you know?

So, the car in front of the cab changed lanes and the cabbie hit him?

Well, yeaaah. Like, what-ev, Dude! Figure it out. Indecision kills, you know?

So, the cabbie really had nowhere else to go?

Well, he’s a cabbie, you know? Like they drive all the time. They should know that people are going to do stupid crap, but they don’t. You know, if they were smart enough, they’d have a real job anyway. I mean, for real, like they wouldn’t be driving a cab. They’d be working somewhere good like Wal-Mart or Barnes and Noble or something, right?

So, Darcy, really, can you tell me what happened or not?

Crap, Dude! That diner’s on fire! Crap, Dude! Look at that smoke…. Hey, little dude, don’t be afraid. Oh, that cop will go back in there and get your mommy. You don’t have to worry, little dude! Here, hang out with me until they get her, okay? You’re straight, dude. You’ll be ayight!