"The Shadow a Devil - To Hurt Me."

I wake to see my shadow dancing
a portrait of me, strapped to a bed
wondering why drugs won’t heal
a battered broken brain that burst,

beaten as a child by my stepfather
lying to my mother with his kisses;
a bunch of red roses in her hand
to forgive him, he never hurt me.

Mother apologizing to him, the devil
in my memory fading to be a failure;
disappearing there to an empty cell
dressed in a veil twisted like a chain,

to unshackle my mind to unwind
as the confused child, wondering
why his mother would leave him
lying here, dreaming of yesterday!

“My dad helping me mount a pony;
proudly to let go of the reigns;
for me to ride around on my own,
waving and smiling; a happy child."

Today I live with Dad on his farm
riding horses most of the day.
A calming way for some courage;
not afraid to die here any more.

Written for me, by embe
a friend to help me;
my hand still trembling;
unable to write about it.