Restaurant tale

My uncle owns this restaurant, but does that help me? Not a bit. All day long it's fetch that, clean this don't do that.. well, it's usually either "don't do..." or " why did I..". It's not that I'm stupid or anything, I got as good a brain as anyone in the family, it's just that whatever I do it's not good enough.

Well, here we are again, just me and Junior cleaning up the kitchen again as Uncle buzzes around like a blue ass fly, never satisfied with our work. You'd think it was the Queen coming to eat here the way he carried on, not just some boss man with his daughter.

Yer I know it's the boss of the whole franchise, but not six months ago Uncle wouldn't have pissed on him if he was on fire, but now we even order special meat for him. I'm not complaining you know, for without the franchise Uncle would have gone out of business, but all this fuss for a a kraut?

Shit I've spent all morning polishing pans so Mr Charles 'lardi da' Hanover could can see himself in them, and I bet he doesn't even notice.

Years of f**king college school so some creep can look down his nose at me. Jeeze, first they buy car makers, then they take over the long pig market.

I just wish this day would be over, but now Uncle is complaining that the meat hasn't arrived, and does he take it out on Junior? No, keeps it in the family 'e does an' I'm on bin duty again.

Still at least I'm out of uncles sight back here. The bins are down the side so I can go creep round the front for some snacks without Uncle knowing. There aint much going on in this area during the day, in fact apart from uncles place the area is largely abandoned.

Standing in front of Uncle's door when I come back is a real bit of ass. Looking a bit lost as a cab pulls away. This is one of the best bits of working at Uncles place, greeting the meat.

You never can tell what you're gonna get, sometimes it's big assed mutton, and sometimes the sweetest bit of lamb. This one was enough to make ya mouth water. Uncle would only see 144 lb of honey roasted, but to me she was a real cutie.

I aint saying I wanted to jump her bones like, hell I didn't even know what she'd look like under those clothes. That wasn't totally weird, 'cos much of the live meat that came here put on a bit of a show. Usually coming on really strong, sometimes as a hooker or even once as a nun. This one looked like she was an news woman or such. You know the thing, curvie waist coat and pure white blouse. So she probably had some weird control issues. Thats OK, she was here to be butchered so what's a few fantasies to work out.

Of course Uncle didn't spend much time with that, he was all business, and didn't care why the girls wanted to be meat. Girls, pork, beef... there was nothing in it to him. So I tries to give 'em some of what theys wants, I aint soft of nuffin, but they seem to like it so who's hurt by me playing along.

I like this bit, you know, showing them around the place. This one seemed to know what's what, even licking the blade of one of Uncles gutting knives. She really seemed into this stuff. Definitely some kinks in this one, acting as if she owned the place. Not in a bad way, just the way she moved around.

Now some guys would be really crude about all this, the chicks an' all. Me, I'm not like that. I aint gonna force myself on no one, though I wouldn't say no as this girl looks hot. Got a real neat smile, but not like those Yanks, all dentistry and no feelings. This girl has a quirky smile that, and the way she tilts her head to peer out from under her fringe. Shit, if she hadn't come to be butchered we could have had some real fun together.

All good things come to an end, and the sound of Uncle entering the kitchen meant back to work. The girl seemed pleased to see Uncle, greeting him by name. I suppose she knew him from last months article in 'Vogue' about long pig chefs.

Uncle didn't care what she had to say, shit he must have heard it all before. This is what I really like, the way he does the job. Without a pause he barrelled into the girl, his belly knocking her backwards. But before she fell he scooped her up. Now his belly pressed her thighs against the sink, as one arm forced her down over the basin. The way they do it in films is all wrong, for when Uncle drew the steel across her throat it wasn't quiet. Whatever she was trying to say disappeared in a blood filled gurgle, then you could hear the serrated edge as it cut through cartilage and scraped to a rest on bone. Apart from her designer pumps kicking against the wall she was silent. Yeah, there was a lot of blood, but where others would have wasted it, Uncle had her head pressed into a bowl to catch every last drop. He was famous for his gravy, and this girl wasn't gonna be served in no bisto.

Uncle seemed well pissed, thinking I'd been chatting to her when I should have been preparing her. He didn't believe that she'd only just arrived, but before he could get really het up me and Junior hooked her ankles and hoisted her up. At least this pleased Uncle as he took the first bowl of blood away, trusting us to collect the rest.

The girl's arms kept knocking the bowl, but rather than climbing up to secure her arms we use another trick Uncle taught me. You see if you cut the wrists and put her hands in the bowl the blood will drain out of her arms, which speeds up the cooking.

We usually try to keep things clean, but her suite was already drenched in blood so we just cut it away. I know the clothes a girl is butchered in can fetch a good price, but whatever some snuff fetishist would pay it wasn't worth the grief Uncle would give us if we didn't get on with the job.

Now some guys would really get off on the sight of this hardbody draining over the bowl, but after your first dozen girls you barely notice your hard on. I usually shoot during the gutting and now was no exception, an' as I dragged her guts out I shot my load in her face. Yeah, I'd thought of doing it while she was breathing, but this was so much easier. None of that spit or swallow crap now.

A jerk of the chain had the girls body swinging over the slab. Junior was showing off with the chain for by releasing her on the back swing she landed the right way up on the butchers slab, ready for preparation.

We had this down to a fine art, reducing a carcass to a selection of choice cuts. As I did the more skilled work collecting her more saleable internal organs such as her , heart, kidneys, liver and such, Junior separated her limbs from her torso.

Now a good butcher can turn a girls arms and legs into a whole bunch of steaks, and Junior's got the skill not to waste any. Of course some of our customers pay big bucks for anything that's clearly girlflesh, so Junior separates the wrists carefully, making sure to to hide the draining slices. They go in a tray with her feet ready for Uncle to practice his skills.

Uncle lets me do the harder stuff, carefully debreasting her, which aint easy on these small breasted girls. Strange that when they were on her they looked tastier, but once on a plate they loose their firmness. Well, uncle would prepare them so Mr Hanover would be able to imagine the girl as she'd been, and the diners' imagination would add to the taste.

Once the breasts were off I sliced her belly into rolls of meat that would suite the less expensive meals. She'd clearly spent some time in the gym as there was more muscle than fat which would make the cooking harder, but that was uncle's problem.

By the time uncle came back into the kitchen I had the racks of ribs done and all that was left was her head and pelvis joined by her denuded spine.

Uncle wouldn't let even me deal with her pelvis as the clit cuts were the most expensive girlflesh available, but me and Junior watched his skill as he carved out her vagina and uterus (a high priced aphrodisiac around here)

Once he was done Junior turned her over and sliced up that tight ass and I separated her head. This was the hard bit as the girls head would be the centre piece of the whole meal. Junior wasn't up to this but Uncle trusted me to do it.

Some of the cheaper places would just roast a head but that just frazzled a girls hair. Our trick was to steam her head. Now first I use a fine blade to lift her scalp at the back before punching through her skull. The steam can't really cook all that grey matter without discolouring her skin so it's scooped out and turned into a nice puree. Another trick of the trade is to pull her tongue and cut it loose from within the neck, this way her cute pout is left unmarked.

Something I realised was that customers don't like boiled looking eyes watching them as they eat so using a touch of superglue keeps her eyes closed as if in sleep. I thought she still looked cute, in fact she was cute enough to eat.

Well, the preps done, we started to clean up. ya have to be careful with this but I knew all about keeping the raw an' cooked separate. In Uncle's place all the raw stayed to the left of the heat while the cooked and serving side was on the right, so me an' Junior binned the girls stuff an was cleaning the blood off the block when a phone goes off. Now Uncle, well using a mobile in his kitchen can get ya fired, so we'd normally leap to silence any phones, but not now.

This is a bummer 'cause it's the girls phone. Do we let Uncle get pissed by the phone or do we 'ave to tell the girl's friends that she nowt but raw meat? Well bollocks to that, me and Junior gets busy an' let Uncle deal wiv it.

When I hear 'im stop talking I's worried. Now there aint much to Uncle, he's either angry or 'appy. Well not now. Junior whispers that Uncle is scared but I's know that's crap, 'cause he aint scared by nuffin.

But he's spouting a lot of gibberish, sumint 'bout Mr Hanover's daughter coming by early. I's don't know what he's on about 'cause I'd have seen 'er if she'd turned up here. Now 'es going real weird, staring at the girls head then Es off an' on the phone to meat wholesaler.

But 'e aint calming down 'cause now he's on about cancelled meat. One minute he's saying we got two girls coming, now it's no meat being sent. I see Junior slipping out the back door an' me thinks that aint a bad idea 'cause uncles starting to get real creepy now, holding the girls head an', yer, he's crying. My uncle crying over some girl flesh?

Well I'm out of here 'cause Uncles flipped. Spouting nonsense about no girl being sent to us, what does he thinks we butchered if it wasn't girl meat?

Mr Hanover's gonna be angry if Uncles still like this when IM and his daughter get here, so I'm making myself scarce.



FINN