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"I agree that the best thing right now is to take some time apart." he said.

It was a sucker punch to my gut.  The air was sucked right out of my lungs, but I had to keep my composure.  This was my idea afterall, but I wasn't expecting him to agree.  He was supposed to beg and say, "No, baby don't go.  Please stay because I love you.  You're my whole world and I can't live without you." 

Time apart?  I hadn't thought it completely through.  What does that mean?  Where would I go?  This isn't what I had planned or expected.  I was a 30 year-old stay-at-home mom with two little girls to think about and My world was crashing down around me. 

With every new argument my husband Ian and I had, though, it was obvious that it was taking a toll on the girls and I was emotionally drained to the point of sheer exhaustion.  We were all cramped into the first floor of the farmhouse that had been undergoing extensive remodeling for over a year.  It had been a dream of ours to own a beautiful, old farmhouse in the country where there was plenty of room for the kids to run.  That dream seemed so far away in the distance now.

"Well," I said, "I'll need some time to find a place, save some money."

"That's fine.  I'll make a bed upstairs and keep working." He was straight to the point.  No emotion or any feelings.  It was like he was already over it.  Already over me.

I wanted to cry so bad that I was biting my tounge, drawing blood just to stop a single tear drop from forming.  What I needed was to run.  Burst out of the back door and run until I collapsed, but I couldn't do that either.  I had to keep going.  I had to act like it didn't bother me either.  The girls needed to eat lunch and there was plenty of other things that had to get done.  It occurred to me right then and there that life doesn't stop.  Whatever was in store for me next, life kept going and I was going to have to find a way to keep going, too.