Being A Person and A Mom

Well, anger has its place. Sometimes, its just the motivation needed to push you in the right direction. The confusion I had over how to mesh who I am with who I am becoming, has taken a lot of energy. I know that you always continue to grow and change, so being true to yourself is a never-ending battle though I think I have resolved being “A person and A mom” at least for the time being.

My 18-year-old son did come home. I was glad to see him, even in light of everything that has happened. Every adult (over 18 – not in school) in the house is now “paying” rent. It was not easy to implement a rent situation, or even to tell him he now is responsible for his own phone. The one easy thing was to tell him that he could not drive my only vehicle.

It is not an easy road, having adult children, especially when they are not quite able to stand on their own two feet. I think they now understand that I treat them as I would any other person, so if they act like a child then “they are treated like one”. My 18-year- old son seems ok with the “paying rent”, since his older sister is “paying rent” too. He seems to be accepting this better, since his rules and his sisters are the same.

I implemented a rent chore list. Each person is responsible for a certain amount he or she must pay. They can perform chores to earn the rent amount. The chores are from a list that I have created. Each job item has certain things that need completed in order to receive the full amount. They have to keep a log of the items that they do and I will put a value next to the completed job. I have a list of values on the chart. Most everything has a low to high value. They have from the first of the month to the last day of the month to earn the “rent” if they have not earned it in that amount of time they are expected to pay the difference. Their attitude will also factor into the amount that they make while they work, as any gratuities type of job does. They can also not work more than one month ahead.

Aside from rent, I let all the adults know what the “rent” included. Showing them a break down in what this covers. Letting them all know in advance if the electric goes up the amount that they “pay” will go up. I also gave them a list of things that are “a must” to live in my house. For example, I do not consider cleaning “their room” part of the rent; it is something that they must do, to live in my house.

Even my 15-year-old son is working around the house. However, since he is in school and not considered an adult, everyone knows that he does not have to pay. His incentive is that if he makes over the amount of “rent” he will receive any extra over that amount in spending money. His main job is school and keeping his room neat. However, he does several other things around the house.

Talking to some family near has helped. My mother and step dad have a home not far from where I am. Well, not far in “Texas terms” about 25 miles away. They have an extra bedroom and I let my 18-year-old know that it was an option. He was not thrilled with it, although he has given it some thought. Both of my older children now know that, there is another option.

Mean while I have worked to be less of a “mommy” and more of a person. My daughter likes me as a person. In-fact she prefers the person I am, well, most of the time. However, the “mommy” is never quite gone since it is a part of who I have been since I was two when my baby brother was born.

My 15-year-old and I have a different sort of relationship. He saw how the older two leaving and coming home affected me. Therefore, with him, I can be a person. He doesn’t think that I should wait to start living, or so he says. He has let me know that he thinks I should start living now. He even thinks I should start to date again.

Dating is not my idea of becoming a person again. Writing, going out, and living and enjoying life with all the vicissitudes that come with it is being a person. Dating may happen. Who knows? However, I know that it will never be easy. I can only hope that my children will eventually, know me and carry on with their own lives on their own two feet. I am sure this is just the beginning of a new set of adventures.