For Keeps

FOR KEEPS











Chad jerked his arms into his shirt and struggled to button it.



“Why are you so stubborn? I’m not asking you to give up your life, Felicia.”



“I don’t want to talk about this right now, okay?”  Slipping her feet into moderate heels, she surveyed her reflection in the mirror hanging on the bathroom door.



“If not now, then when? I’m sick of you putting me off.” Chad shrugged into his jacket and thought about wearing a tie, then dismissed it. Screw it. He wore a tie all stinking day.



“Chad, just once I’d like to enjoy an evening without arguing.” Felicia spritzed on perfume and grabbed her purse. “Can’t we just go out to eat with our friends and save the talk for another time? Please?”



Chad gritted his teeth and nodded. Yeah, whatever.  He really did love her, but he was beginning to believe that it wasn’t enough.





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Felicia glanced at her husband’s clenched jaw and sighed. His angry face had become a familiar sight lately. And it all boiled down to the same thing: he wanted a baby, and she didn’t.  She just wasn’t interested in getting fat and changing diapers and going through all that pain. She wasn’t the maternal type and never had been. 



He claimed he wasn’t asking her to give up her life, but in truth, he was.  Pregnancy would not only cut down on her modeling assignments, there was a good chance that her body would be different after birth.  And not for the better, either.  She enjoyed her job, she loved her husband, she liked her life the way it was right now.  Changing it didn’t interest her.





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Tim pulled out the chair for his wife and smiled at her as she sat down at the table. 



“Thank you,” she said, surprised. “It’s been a very long time since you’ve done that, Tim.”



“I guess I’ve just remembered my manners, Corrine,” he said, and took the seat beside her.  He picked up the wine list and studied it.



“I’m feeling pretty good today,” she said, and her husband looked up.



“I can tell. You look beautiful tonight,” he told her, and it was true. Despite her illness, she looked fantastic. Her dark hair curled around her face, and the blue dress she wore brought out the color of her eyes. For a moment he remembered the day he married her, and he smiled.



“I hope they get here soon,” Corrine said, shifting in her seat.



“They’ll be here any moment.” As he spoke, he saw the hostess threading her way through the other tables, followed by Felicia and Chad.



“Hi,” Tim said as Felicia pulled out the chair beside Corinne and sat. She gave him a brief smile.



“God, I need a drink,” she said, opening the menu. She pressed her lips together and tapped her manicured nails on the table.



“How’s it going, Tim?” Chad greeted, sitting down. “Corinne, hello.”  He shifted in his seat and glanced at his wife.



“Glad you could make it,” Tim said, wondering what was going on with them. He’d never seen them so strained. Usually they were like two newlyweds, touching and kissing all the time.  That made him think of Chandra, and he looked away so Corinne wouldn’t see his eyes. She could read him so well he was afraid she’d know.  The only good thing about her cancer was that it made her more self-absorbed and less likely to concentrate on him and what he was doing.



“We almost didn’t,” Felicia said after giving the waiter her drink order.  “If Chad had his way we’d still be at home arguing.” She patted Corinne’s hand. “You look tired, hon.”



Chad clenched his jaw but said nothing.  Tension filled the air, thick and unpleasant.  Tim was beginning to think this dinner was a mistake.



“I’ve wanted to talk with you, Felicia,” Corinne began, licking her lips. 



“Wait until I get my drink. I’m wound up so tight right now I can’t listen to anything.” 



“Let her talk, Felicia,” Chad said, and his wife waved her hand at him dismissively. His face turned red and he crumpled a paper napkin in his fist.  The pain in his eyes startled Tim. It was not something he’d ever seen before in his friend.  Chad was not one to show his feelings in public.



The waiter arrived and Felicia ordered a vodka and tonic. Her husband asked for a beer, as did Tim. Corinne only wanted water, as usual. She never said anything, but Tim always got the feeling she disapproved of his drinking. 



“So, how’s things been going for you, Felicia?” Tim asked, trying to get the ball rolling.  She gulped her drink and set the glass down hard.



“Oh, just peachy, Tim.” Her eyes flared at Chad, and Tim glanced at his wife. She shrugged.



“I need to powder my nose,” she said, rising.



“Me, too,” Felicia said, getting up so quickly she upset her chair and it fell over. She blushed bright red and hurried away.



Silently, Chad righted the chair and wrapped his fingers around the beer bottle.  He didn’t look at Tim.



“What’s going on, Chad?”



His friend sighed. “I really don’t know, Tim.” He paused.  “I guess it just comes down to one thing. She’s not interested in starting a family and I am.”



“Oh.  Well, maybe she needs some more time. Modeling is a whole different world, you know.”



“Of course I know that!  But we’ve been married almost five years. I want to be a father.”  He sighed heavily. 



Tim didn’t know what to say. Personally, he loved his kids, but if he had to do it all over again, he would have opted for the snip and clip instead. 







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“Shit,” Felicia said, digging through her purse.



“What’s the matter?” Corinne asked, washing her hands. She peered at her face, checking for new lines and gray hairs.  She was only forty-one, and lived in fear that the cancer would mark her face. She envied Felicia’s smooth skin and taut body, untouched by childbirth.



“I thought I had some aspirin in here. I’ve got a splitting headache.”  Giving up, she leaned against the sink.



“You and Chad don’t seem to be getting along,” Corinne said, eyes skittering away from the other woman’s.  “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.”



“No, it’s okay.  You’re right, of course.  All we do is fight. I am so sick of it. So sick of him.”



“Oh, Felicia, you can’t mean that.”  Corinne touched the other woman’s arm.



“Why not? All he does is bitch and moan about being a father.  He doesn’t care that I don’t want to have a baby. All that matters to him is having a child.” Tears spilled down her cheeks and she wiped them angrily.



Corinne didn’t know what to say.  She and Tim had three wonderful children, and she wouldn’t change one thing about them.  Thank God Tim was such a great, caring husband. He’d become even more tender after her diagnosis. It was like falling in love all over again.





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When the ladies returned it was time to order, and no one said anything until it arrived.  Tim dug right in, not really hungry but wanting to get the meal over with so he could go home.  Thoughts of Chandra’s long, silky black hair intruded and he squirmed in his seat.  God, he couldn’t wait to see her again. 



He felt Corinne watching him and gave her a smile. She blinked once and returned her attention to her food.  Tim glanced at Chad and Felicia, and thanked God that he had such a kind, unassuming wife. It made things so much easier.