The Mad Hatter's Birthday

On another bright Sunday afternoon Alice was just leaving the Church. The service today was about celebrating life. She had always cared about life and never liked to see a living creature suffer.
But all week she had been looking forward to going back to Wonderland. It was still her little secret. But she thought it was for the best. If anyone else knew about Wonderland it might get some unwanted attention.
Alice quickly went to the rabbit hole and she went down into Wonderland. But first she in the room with many doors. The glass table was still there and the Doorknob was there to greet her.
“Hello Alice,” he said.
“Good afternoon,” replied Alice.
“I’m guessing that you want to come to Wonderland today.”
“I most certainly do.”
“Good. It’s a beautiful day in Wonderland and executions are down by an entire quarter.”
“I guess that’s good.”
“Now you know what to do to get into Wonderland.”
Alice then drank some of the shrinking juice and she quickly shrank down in height. The door opened and Alice quickly went into Wonderland. She could hear the birds singing and the sun was shining.
“It’s beautiful.”
She began to walk through the fields. She marvelled over the beauty of Wonderland. It was a lot like England in some places. There were endless fields with golden sun. It made her appreciate life a whole lot more.
Eventually she reached the house of the Mad Hatter and March Hare. But Alice noticed that everything seemed bigger. She soon realized that she had drunk a little too much of the shrinking juice.
“Better make myself a little bigger,” she said to herself.
She then took a nibble out of the growing mushroom and she grew up to a more reasonable height. She then entered through the gate. She expected to see both the March Hare and the Mad Hatter drinking tea. But instead she could only see the March Hare. She went over to him and she was a little concerned.
“Hello Alice would you like some tea?” asked the March Hare.
“No not really,” replied Alice.
“Good the more for me.”
“But where’s the Mad Hatter?”
“Not celebrating an Un-birthday. Unlike me of course.”
“But why not? I thought he celebrated his un-birthday everyday.”
“But this is the one day of the year he doesn’t celebrate. And do you want to know why?”
“Yes I do.”
“Because it’s his Birthday.” He then began to laugh a little.
“It is I simple must send him a birthday greeting.”
“That’s of course if you can find him.”
“Why where is he?”
“I have absolutely no idea.”
“What does he normally do on his Birthday?”
“Goes somewhere and does nothing.”
“How can someone do nothing on their birthday? It’s a day to be celebrated not to be wasted.”
“Tell him that when you see him. But for now would you like a cup of tea?”
“No thank you. I really should find the Mad Hatter.”
“Very well but I assure you you’ll never find him.” He then laughed as he took another sip of his tea.
Alice then walked away and she was beginning to think about where the Mad Hatter could be. The only place she could really think he’d be was with the March Hare. But since she already knew that he wasn’t there, there was no point in going. She’d just have to look around and hope that she would be lucky.
“Where could he be?” she thought. “Maybe he went somewhere where there would be more tea?”
She quickly walked towards nearby town. She recognized it as the same one she had been to before. She hoped that this time she wouldn’t get stuck in one of the shops. That was the last thing she wanted.
She saw a man sitting on a bench. He seemed to be reading a newspaper and Alice hoped that he would have some idea where the Mad Hatter was. But as she got closer she realized that the newspaper he was reading was completely blank. There were no words or pictures. They were only pieces of paper. But since she didn’t have any better options she decided to take the risk.
“Pardon me sir,” she said.
The man then put down his paper. His face was a lot different then Alice had expected. Although it had many normal features including nose, mouth, ears and hair. He didn’t have any eyes.
“Who said that?” he asked.
“It’s me,” replied Alice.
“Who’s me?”
“Alice.”
“Oh Alice. The little girl from the real world?”
“Yes that’s me.”
“Great to see you. Well actually I can’t see a thing. You see my eyes are still at the cleaners.”
“Eye cleaners?”
“Yes don’t you have them in the real world?”
“No our eyes stay where they’re suppose to be. Now I’m just wondering if you knew where the Mad Hatter could be.”
“Well he could be in one of two places. He could be on top of Mount Wonderland the highest peak in Wonderland. Or he could be sitting no more then ten feet away from us both.”
“If he was ten feet away from us I would have noticed him.”
Alice then turned around and she couldn’t believe it. She could see the Mad Hatter sitting on a bench no more then ten feet away from them. Alice went over to him to see if he was alright.
“Alice,” he said.
“Mad Hatter you’re here?” replied Alice.
“Of course. But my head wants to go walkabouts.”
He then took his head off and he threw it away. Alice had to quickly run and catch it before he got himself hurt. She then slowly began to walk back towards his body. But Alice was still curious.
“Why are you just sitting there doing nothing?” asked Alice. “It’s your birthday you should be celebrating.”
“Well there’s nothing special about a birthday,” replied the Mad Hatter. “Now un-birthdays are special.”
“There are way too many un-birthdays. But there’s only one birthday every year. You should use that day to do what you want.”
“Well there’s something I’ve always wanted to do.”
“What’s that?”
“I want to take part in the Wonderland Derby.”
“The Wonderland Derby?”
“Yes I want to win it.”
“And when is it?”
“Today. Can you believe it?”
“What an unbelievable stroke of luck.”
“But we need a horse.” By now Alice had gotten back to the Mad Hatter’s body and she put his head on it. “I know where we can get one.”
A few minutes later both Alice and the Mad Hatter was in a field. There were plenty of horses. But they looked different then to what Alice was expecting. They were all different colours. Some had stripes and others had polka dots on them. She had never seen horses like this before.
“I guess these are Wonderland horses,” said Alice.
“Yes they are,” replied the Mad Hatter. “And I’ve heard these are the absolute best in Wonderland.”
“Which one are you going to ride?”
“I don’t know I’ll ask.” He then looked towards the horses. “Which one of you want to be in the Wonderland Derby?”
They waited for a moment and eventually one horse stepped forward. This was white with black spots. It looked almost like a Dalmatian. It then coughed a little as it came closer.
“Allow me to accompany you in the Wonderland Derby,” said the Horse in a posh voice.
At first Alice was astonished that the Horse could talk. But since this was Wonderland she wasn’t really that surprised.
“And your name is?” asked the Mad Hatter.
“Robert Jonathon Windsor,” replied the Horse. “The Third.”
“Ok Robert Jonathon Windsor the Third you shall be my horse for the Wonderland Derby later.”
“Do you mind if we just call you Bob?” asked Alice.
“I guess so since Robert Jonathon Windsor the Third is a bit of a mouthful. Bob it is then.”
“Well that’s one thing we don’t have to worry about.”
Then the Mad Hatter climbed onto Bob and they began to ride around the field. Alice stood there and watched them. They seemed to be working well together but when Bob ran fast the Mad Hatter’s head fell off. She had to go and get it back for them. But she was seeing a problem.
“Hatter what are we going to do for the Derby?” asked Alice. “If your head falls off then you will surely lose.”
“Got any glue?” replied the Mad Hatter.
“No.”
“Then go to the glue tree.”
“And where can I find a glue tree.”
“It’s behind you.”
Alice then turned around and saw a tree with pots of glue on the branches. She took some off the tree and she looked at it a little. The label said that the glue was very strong and lasted a very long time.
“This’ll do,” she said. “Now I just need your body.”
The Mad Hatter’s body was still riding Bob. She whistled and he soon came over to her. But when he stopped the body went flying into the air and he hit the ground with a loud thud.
“I’m going to feel that in the morning,” said the Mad Hatter.
“I wonder if it’s alright,” replied Alice.
“It’ll be fine.”
Alice went to the body and put some glue on the neck. She then attached the head and the Mad Hatter seemed to be happy.
“That’s much better,” said the Mad Hatter. “It feels a little sticky under my chin though.”
“Well that’s to be expected,” replied Alice. She then began to think a little. “When does the Derby start?”
“Oh in about half an hour.”
“Half an hour? We’ve got to get there fast.”
“I’ll ride you both there,” replied Bob.
“No you need all the energy you have. Allow me.”
“I beg to differ. How can you get us both there in half an hour? You’re no where near strong enough to take us both.”
“That is where you’re wrong.” Alice then took the growing mushroom from her pocket and she took a large bite out of it. In mere seconds she went up. She grew taller then the mightiest tree in the forest. She crouched down and put her hand on the ground. “You were saying?”
“I stand corrected.”
Both Bob and the Mad Hatter walked onto Alice’s hand and then she lifted them up. She began to walk away. But then she suddenly realised something that was very, very important.
“Which way is the Derby?”
“About three miles north,” replied Bob.
“Oh. But which way’s north?”
“That way.” He then pointed to a certain direction.
“Thanks.”
Alice then began to walk in the direction that had been pointed out. Unfortunately the sun was in her eyes so she had to cover them. She didn’t really think the sun would be in that position at this time of day. But since this was Wonderland a lot of things didn’t really make much sense.
Also Alice didn’t want to accidentally step on anything. Although she knew the residents of Wonderland couldn’t be killed they could still feel pain. She also didn’t ant to cause any property damage.
“You know Alice if you were twice as tall you could go twice as fast,” said the Mad Hatter.
“No I’m not getting any taller then this,” replied Alice. “Being a giant can sometimes get confusing.”
As she continued to walk she had to pass through several hills. Some of them were close to being as tall as mountains. But finally she was able to get to the track. She quickly put the Mad Hatter and Bob on the ground and she took a bite out of the shrinking mushroom. This caused her to shrink to her normal Wonderland height. She gave out a sigh of relief.
“Looks like we made it on time,” said Alice.
“I advise that we sign up quickly before all the available spots are taken Mr. Hatter,” replied Bob.
“Where do you sign up?”
“Probably where it says sign up here.”
Not surprisingly this sign up place only a few feet behind them. There was a short queue and they quickly joined it. It only took a few minutes to get to the desk. There was mouse with a pen and paper.
“Names please,” said the Mouse.
“The Mad Hatter,” replied the Mad Hatter.
“Robert Jonathon Windsor the Third,” answered Bob.
Alice just stood there. She didn’t really expect to enter but then everyone began to look at her.
“Its alright I’m not taking part,” said Alice.
“But you must,” replied the Mouse. “There’s a minimum of two jockeys per house.” There was a short silence. “I meant horse.”
“What?”
“I said I meant horse.”
“No before that.”
“There’s a minimum of two jockeys per house.”
“Wait how can a single horse have two jockeys?”
“That’s the rules little lady.”
“I guess I have no choice.”
“So state your name.”
“Alice.”
“Ok. Now go to the shelters. You will be taken out to the track from there.”
They then walked away a little and another horse and two jockeys signed themselves up. Alice was a little confused about having two jockeys. She had ridden a horse before but never a racing horse.
But the Mad Hatter seemed to be happy about having two jockeys. It was in the rules after all. But the thing he was looking towards most was the actually derby. He had spent many un-birthdays dreaming about racing. Now he had the chance.
“Will all jockeys go to the track please,” said an over voice.
“That’s us,” replied the Mad Hatter.
“Wait I thought they said that someone would take us there,” said Alice.
“Nah they just say that.”
They decided to follow the other jockeys and they eventually reached the track. But they had to walk a good half a mile. But when Alice looked at the track it was like nothing that she had ever seen. Instead of it being a circular shape it was all zigzags. There was a starting position and a finishing. But it was almost impossible to see which way led to which.
There was a huge crowd at the derby and Alice recognised a few of them as characters she had met recently. But then she began to hear a familiar squeaking noise. She turned around and saw Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum sitting on a horse. The horse itself had the same hat and collar as the Tweedles.
“You’re entering Alice?” asked Tweedle Dee.
“This makes things a lot more fun,” replied Tweedle Dum.
“Who are you here with?”
“The Mad Hatter,” replied Alice.
“Wish him a happy Un-Birthday from us.”
“Actually today is his birthday.”
“Oh is it?”
“Are you going to wish him a happy birthday?”
“No.”
This annoyed Alice a little but the race was about to start. She had to get onto Bob and the Mad Hatter grabbed the reins.
“Got the apples?” asked the Mad Hatter.
“Apples?” replied Alice. “What apples?”
“Never mind you can pick some up on the way.”
Then everyone prepared for the race to start. There were several racers today and a frog was just beyond a barrier. He had a pistol in his hand and he raised it into the air. He gulped a little.
“On your marks,” he said. “Get set.” He then fired the gun. “Go!”
The race then started. But Alice noticed that several of the jockeys were throwing apples at their rivals.
“Hey that’s cheating,” said Alice.
“I told you to get the apples,” replied the Mad Hatter.
“So it’s in the rules.”
“Of course it is silly.”
“For some reason I’m not surprised.” But then an apple hit Alice on her back and it splattered. She turned around to see two jockeys on a horse laughing at her as they rode past. “Hey this is my favourite dress.” She then looked towards Bob. “Go after them Bob.”
“Too heavy,” replied Bob.
“Then let me lighten the load.”
Alice then quickly got the shrinking mushroom out of her pocket and she took a bite out of it. This caused her to shrink to the size of a doll. Now Bob seemed to be moving faster and faster.
“That did it,” said Bob.
“Do you think you can win?”
“Sure.”
Then they went past an apple tree and the Mad Hatter grabbed a couple of the apples. All Alice could do was hold on and hope that the race would be over soon. Although her dramatic loss of size did help Bon run faster it also put her safety at serious risk. She just held on as best as she could.
But eventually they reached the Tweedles. The Mad Hatter threw an apple at the horse and it caused it to stop. The Tweedles just sat there.
“Maybe next year,” said Tweedle Dee.
“Yeah,” replied Tweedle Dum.
Over the course of the race more and more jockeys were being eliminated. Eventually the only ones left were Alice, the Mad Hatter and Bob against the defending champion. The champion seemed to be miles ahead of them.
“We’ll never catch him,” said Alice.
“Where there’s a will there’s a way,” replied the Mad Hatter.
Just then he saw the Champion run a past them at the opposite side of the track. He threw an apple at him and it hit him square on the head. This knocked both jockeys off their horse and effectively out of the race.
“See what I mean,” said the Mad Hatter.
Eventually they reached the finish line and everyone was cheering. Alice took a bite out of the growing mushroom and she grew back to her wonderland size. The Mad Hatter got off Bob and he held his hands up.
“Now that was fun,” he said.
“I guess your birthday’s complete now,” replied Alice.
“Not quite yet.”
“What you want more?”
“Yeah.”
But before Alice could leave a group of reporters surrounded them. She felt a little crowded.
“Great race Alice what’s next for you?” asked one reporter.
“Can you tell the other women just how to lose all that weight in no time at all,” replied another Reporter.
“When did you and the Mad Hatter decide to be racing buddies?”
“Err,” replied Alice.
“Oops out of time.”
All the reporters suddenly went away and Alice was left there with the Mad Hatter and Bob.
“Well that was unexpected,” said Alice.
“If you don’t mind I want to go back to the fields,” replied Bob.
“Did you want me to take you there?”
“No I’ll just walk and whistle. And everyone will know that Robert Jonathon Windsor the Third won Wonderland Derby.”
“Good luck with that.”
Bob then began to walk away. He was whistling at the same time. But now it was only Alice and the Mad Hatter once again. His birthday wishes hadn’t been fully realised just yet.
“Ok so what else did you want to do?” asked Alice.
“Well I’ve always wanted to go the ocean,” replied the Mad Hatter.
“What you’ve never been to an ocean?”
“Well once when I was just a small Mad Hatter. Mother use to take me there all the time. But then the ocean disappeared.”
“Wait a minute an entire ocean can’t just disappear.”
“Believe me it did.”
“For some reason I’m not surprised.”
“Why don’t you just grow and walk to the beach?”
“I don’t know which way to go.”
“But I know someone who does.”
A few minutes later Alice and the Mad Hatter were meeting with the Walrus and the Carpenter. They seemed to be building a restaurant. But it was on the very top of a steep hill. Alice was a little out of breath when she reached to top.
“Welcome to Walrus and Carpenter all you can eat buffet,” said the Walrus. “Unfortunately it’s still under construction. So I’m afraid you’ll have to come back later when construction is complete.”
“Don’t worry we’re not here for food,” replied Alice.
“If you’re not here for food then what are you here for?”
“We were just wondering if you knew how to get to the beach?”
“The beach you say? I’ll let the Carpenter tell you.”
Just then the Carpenter ran to them. He got there as fast as a speeding bullet and he suddenly stopped.
“What do you want to know?” asked the Carpenter.
“Which way the beach is,” replied Alice.
“Alright you’ve got to walk a mile turn left walk another two miles and then turn around and then throw your shoe to the side and then you’ll be at the beach. Any questions young lady?”
“Yes can you go through that one more time?”
“Well you could just follow the signs.”
“Yes that’s much simpler.”
“That’s great. And for good measure I’ll even throw in a blue apple. I’ve heard that they’re yummy.”
“No thank you. I’ve had enough of strange coloured apples.”
“Suit yourself.”
Alice and the Mad Hatter then left the Walrus and the Carpenter. The pair continued the construction work. Alice thought about what it would be like to eat there one of the days. But she thought it would be a little weird.
Eventually the Mad Hatter saw the first sign pointing to the beach. It went down a long straight path.
“This is the way,” said the Mad Hatter.
“Good I thought we were getting lost,” replied Alice.
As they walked down the path Alice looked out for anything that would erase the path they were walking on. She remembered what happened last time* (*See the Alice In Wonderland Disney film). But the road itself seemed a little familiar. She had seen them in her history class.
“This reminds me of a Roman road,” said Alice.
“A what road?” replied The Mad Hatter.
“What you’ve never heard of a Roman.
“Do they row boats?”
“No silly. They were an army from the city of Rome back before the birth of Christ. The conquered much of Europe including most of Britain.”
“Oh really. Where are they now?”
“Long gone their empire fell about one and a half thousand years ago. But the roads were built were very straight. Just like this one.”
“So the Romans were here?”
“I highly doubt that.”
Eventually they reached a fork in the road that went in opposite directions. There were two signs that were pointing in the opposite directions of each other. Both of them had a picture of the beach on them.
“Which way?” asked the Mad Hatter.
“I guess both ways lead to the beach,” replied Alice.
“Good then I go one way you go the other.”
“Wait its best not to split up. We really should stick together just in case anything was to happen.”
“Ok.”
“But should we go left or right?” She then looked at the Mad Hatter. “Since you’re the birthday boy I’ll let you decide.”
“Right, right.”
“Ok we’ll go right.”
They both then went down the right path. A minute after they walked down that path the Carpenter walked down. He saw the two signs and he pulled out the one that pointed to the right.
“So that’s where I left this,” said the Carpenter.
He then walked away with the sign. Now the only beach sign left pointed towards the left. Alice and the Mad Hatter had gone down the wrong path. They didn’t know where they were gone.
After several minutes of walking the forest around them looked bare. There were no leaves on the trees and there was not a single sign of any animals. Alice was getting a little scared.
“Are you sure this is the right way?” asked Alice.
“Well the signs did say that the beach was this way,” replied the Mad Hatter.
“I’m starting to doubt that.” She then heard a crack and she quickly turned around. “What was that?”
“That was a crack.”
“I know that.”
“Then why ask?”
“I meant what made that sound?”
“Oh now that’s an entirely different question.”
Just then Alice heard the cracking sound again. She was beginning to get a little scared and she took the growing mushroom from her pocket. She would take a bite if she saw anything dangerous.
But then she got a tap on the shoulder. This made her jump and she quickly turned around. She went to take a bite out of the mushroom when she saw a wolf. He was standing on two legs like a person and he even had thumbs. He roared a little at her and this made her scream.
But then the wolf got a bottle out of his pocket and he drunk some of the contents. He then gave out a sigh.
“Sorry about that,” said the Wolf.
“What do you think you’re doing?” replied Alice. “You almost scared me to death with that roar.”
“Again I’m sorry. I need to take this medication. It calms me down because people said I had an anger issue.”
“I wonder why.”
“Please can I make it up to you?”
“Well there is one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Can you tell me how far the beach is?”
“Well from the direction you’re going you’re getting further away.”
“What are you telling us that we’ve been going the wrong way?”
“Yes the beach the opposite direction.”
Alice was a little annoyed at this moment in time. If she didn’t get to the beach soon then it wouldn’t be worth going. She in turn took a bite out of the growing mushroom and this made her grow into a giant. She picked up the Mad Hatter once again and she looked down at the Wolf.
“Thanks for the help,” said Alice.
“You’re welcome little lady,” replied the Wolf. He then watched the giant size Alice walk away. He then got the bottle out of his pocket and looked at it. “Hmm wrong medication.”
Thankfully the journey in the right direction was a lot shorter since Alice had increased her size. She could see the beach from where she was. It only took her minutes to get there.
“Great we’re here,” said Alice.
“Looks a little different,” replied The Mad Hatter.
“That’s probably because it’s a different beach.”
“Oh yeah.”
Alice then put the Mad Hatter on the ground and she took a bite out of the shrinking mushroom. This caused her to shrink but she still towered over the Mad Hatter by a few feet so she shrank herself a little more.
“So what now?” asked Alice.
“Now I go for a swim,” replied the Mad Hatter.
There were two small huts right next to them. The Mad Hatter went into one of them and he came out a minute later wearing 19th century swimming gear. He then ran out into the water.
“Come on in its nice and warm,” said the Mad Hatter.
“Let me get changed into more suitable attire,” replied Alice.
“Fine.”
Alice then went into the other hut and she came out a minute later also wearing a 19th century swimming outfit. She carefully walked towards the water and she took a step into it. The Mad Hatter was right. The water was warm. It was a lot warmer then Alice had expected.
“Actually this is nice,” said Alice.
“I told you,” replied the Mad Hatter. “It was only yesterday that I was last at the beach.” He then laughed a little.
“Wait you said you hadn’t been here for a long time.”
“Sorry my memories is all hazy.”
Alice gave out a sigh of annoyance. But then she noticed two beings on the beach. She could tell that they weren’t human. But they seemed to be waving to her and the Mad Hatter.
“Friends of yours?” asked Alice.
“Sorry I can’t remember,” replied Mad Hatter.
“Then there’s only one way to find out.”
Both Alice and the Mad Hatter walked towards the shore. Alice could see that one of the beings looked like a turtle with a cow head, legs and tail. The other looked like the mythical Griffin. The creature with the body of a lion but the head and wings on an Eagle.
“Hello there,” said the Griffin. “Do you remember us?” The Mad Hatter shook his head. “Oh come on. Remember we were all at the garden festival. We won the team tea drinking contest.” The Mad Hatter continued to shake his head.
“Then the garden caught on fire,” replied the Mock Turtle. “Sure you must remember. You had to be rescued. But when you were taken away you fell out of the carriage and landed in thorns.” But still the Mad Hatter shook his head.
“You were wearing your green hat.”
“Oh yeah,” replied the Mad Hatter. He then shook the hands of the Mock Turtle and the Griffin. Alice also shook her head but it was because she couldn’t believe what had just happened.
“What are you doing here?” asked the Griffin.
“Well it’s my birthday so Alice here took me to the beach,” replied the Mad Hatter. “But right now I could do with some tea.”
“If its tea you want then tea you shall get.”
Just then out one of the huts The Mock Turtle got a large table and several tea cups and pots. There were five chairs and each of them sat on one. But there was still one chair by itself.
“Something’s missing,” said the Mad Hatter.
Just then they heard a screaming noise and everyone looked up. They could see the March hare falling to the ground. But he landed comfortable on the chair and he had the Dormouse in his kettle.
“Miss anything?” asked the March Hare.
“You’re just in time for tea,” replied the Mock Turtle.
“Tea you say?”
“Yes and there’s plenty of it.”
“Well don’t mind if I do.”
Several cups of tea were poured and everyone began to drink them. Even Alice took a sip from the tea. It was quite nice so she drank a little more. But then out of nowhere cakes were beginning to appear on the table. The Mad Hatter took one and he quickly ate it. Alice took one as well and she also ate it. She thought it was delicious and she smile a little.
“This is good cake,” said Alice. “What’s it made of?”
“Something very special,” replied the Mock Turtle.
“And that is?”
“Beetles and spiders.”
Alice’s expression instantly turned from happiness to disgust. She spat the cake back out and she took a drink of tea.
“There’s nothing wrong with the tea is there?” she asked.
“No its ordinary tea,” replied the Griffin.
“Good because I don’t want to spit that out.”
“No you’d waste perfectly good tea,” replied the Mad Hatter.
“Next time try and warn me before I have anything that disgusting.”
“There’s always one,” replied the March Hare.
As the small party went on everyone was having a good time. But Alice thought it would be nice to sing Happy Birthday to the Mad Hatter. It was a tradition nonetheless for her.
“Ok shall we try and sing happy Birthday to the Mad Hatter,” said Alice.
“How do you do that?” replied the Griffin.
“Its easy everyone knows the words.”
“I don’t,” replied the Mad Hatter.
“You’re not singing. Ok a one, two, three and.”
“Happy Birthday to you,” replied the Griffin, Mock Turtle and the March Hare. “Squashed tomatoes and stew. Bread and butter in the gutter. Happy birthday to you.” They then cheered.
“That’s not quite right.”
“I thought it went well,” replied the Griffin.
“I think its best if you copy me. “Happy birthday to you.”
“Happy Birthday to you,” replied the Griffin, Mock Turtle and the March Hare.
“Happy Birthday to you.”
“Happy Birthday to you.”
“Happy Birthday dear Mad Hatter.”
“Happy Birthday dear Mad Hatter.”
“Happy Birthday to you.”
“Happy Birthday to you.”
Alice then clapped her hands. She seemed to be happy with what had just happened. She even smiled.
“That was very good,” said Alice.
“Personally I preferred the other one,” replied the Griffin.
“That maybe but it was still nice.”
“I guess so.”
“I suggest we play a party game,” said the Mock Turtle.
“Yes that would be lovely,” replied Alice.
“Since it’s his birthday we shall let the Mad Hatter decide what we play. As long as it’s not too complex.”
The Mad Hatter then stood up from his chair. He went to clear his throat but it was croaky. He punched his chest and it seemed to clear it away. He took off his hat and put his hand on his chest.
“I suggest we play Hatter,” said the Mad Hatter.
“An excellent choice,” replied the Griffin.
“A very fun game,” added the Mock Turtle.
“I’m sorry but I don’t know how to play,” replied Alice. “If someone would be kind enough to show me I’d be more then happy to play.”
“Excellent my dear.”
A few minutes later everyone was still on the beach. The table had disappeared and Alice and the Mad Hatter had gotten changed into their normal attire. The sun was still high in the sky over them.
“The rules are simple,” said the Griffin. “The Mad Hatter throws his had as far as he can and then we try get it back to him. Whoever gets the Mad Hatter’s hat back to him is the winner.”
“That sounds simple enough,” replied Alice.
“Is everyone ready?” asked the Mad Hatter.
“Yes,” replied everyone.
“Then catch my hat.”
He then threw it as far as it could. Alice was surprised with how far he threw it. But everyone ran towards it. The Griffin was the first to catch the Hat. But he was rugby tackled by the March Hare and he took the Hat.
“Can they do that?” asked Alice.
“Yes its part of the rules,” replied the Mock Turtle.
“Oh.”
The Mock Turtle then tripped over the March Hare and he took the hat. Alice decided to stop the Mock Turtle. She then took the hat off him and she ran towards the Mad Hatter. She was ran as fast as she could.
But the Griffin flew above her and he grabbed the hat from her. She was annoyed by this.
“Hey that’s not fair,” said Alice.
“Remember you can take the hat by any means necessary,” replied the Griffin.
“But I can’t fly.”
“Then use something to your advantage.”
Alice began to think. She put her hands in her pockets and she felt the mushrooms. She then smiled a little.
“Any means necessary,” said Alice.
She then took a bite out of the growing mushroom and she shot up. While she grew she grabbed the Griffin. She quickly stopped growing within seconds but she had definitely gotten the advance.
“The Hat,” she said.
“Certainly ma’am,” replied the Griffin.
He then gave Alice the hat without question and she let go of him. She quickly made her way to the Mad Hatter and she didn’t think there was anyway she could possible be stopped at her size.
But then she felt something in her pocket. She looked into it and she saw that the March Hare had grabbed her shrinking mushroom that now seemed huge to him.
“Hey get out of there,” said Alice.
But then the March jumped up with the mushroom. He jumped up extremely high and he put the mushroom into Alice’s mouth. From the shock of it all she accidentally swallowed it.
“Going down!” shouted the Mad Hatter.
Almost instantly Alice went from being a towering giant to around half an inch. She accidentally dropped the hat while she shrank and the March Hare grabbed it and ran away with it.
“Hey!” shouted Alice.
She quickly took a bite pout of the growing mushroom and she grew up to her normal Wonderland size. But by now the March Hare was almost at the Mad Hatter. But then out of nowhere the Mock Turtle rugby tackled the March Hare. He fell to the ground and was in some pain.
“I almost got there,” said the March Hare.
“Almost always gets you short,” replied the Mock Turtle.
He then grabbed the Hat and went to give it to the Mad Hatter. But then the Griffin swooped down and went into the Mock Turtle. The collision more or less knocked them both out.
Alice just walked up to them and took the hat. The other three were in no condition to try and stop her. She just gave it to the Mad Hatter and she gave him a fairly big smile. He smiled back.
“I guess I win,” said Alice.
“Yep,” replied the Mad Hatter.
“Good show,” added the Griffin.
Alice felt a little happy about herself. She then began to help her three opponents. They didn’t seem to be too bad. But their spirits were high and they didn’t seem to mind losing the game.
But then it almost instantly went from day to night. The sun disappeared over the horizon and the moon came up. She found this very odd. But most things in Wonderland were very odd.
“The moon’s up,” said the March Hare.
“Is that good?” replied Alice.
“Of course it is.”
“So what now?”
“Let’s light the cake.”
“Cake?”
Just then a cake ten feet tall appeared. There were several candles on the cake and they were already lit.
“Now’s that’s what I call a cake,” said the Mad Hatter. He then took a quick taste of it. “And it’s tea flavour.”
“Tea flavour cake?” replied Alice.
“Oh yes don’t you have them in the real world?”
“No we don’t.”
“Then you don’t know what you’re missing.”
“I’ll find out in a minute.” She then cleared her throat a little. “Now blow the candles out and make a wish.”
“Ok. I wish I had a cup of tea.” He then blew out the candles and a cup of tea magically appeared in his hand. “Oh great.”
“Wait so in Wonderland the Birthday wishes actually come true instantly?”
“Oh yes.”
“Remind me to make my birthday wish here.”
The cake was eventually cut up and everyone had a big piece. Alice was still in some disbelief. If the Mad Hatter could have wished for literally anything why just a cup of tea. But then she thought that he really loved his tea.
She took a bite out of the tea flavoured cake. It was like drinking a warm cup of tea. But it was solid instead of being a liquid. It did taste very nice and she wouldn’t mind if they had this in the real world.
But as they ate away the once huge cake slowly began to disappear. Eventually it had all been eaten up and everyone was very full. They all sat down at the table and they began to relax a little.
“I guess that’s it,” said the Griffin.
“Wait what about birthday presents?” replied Alice.
“Oh yes I almost forgot.” He then got up from his seat. “I’ll be back in just a moment. Sit tight.”
He then flew away. This was when Alice realised that she hadn’t gotten a present for Mad Hatter. She had been too busy to get one. She tried to think quickly as she looked around a little.
On the ground she saw a seashell. Normally she wouldn’t think it would be a decent present. But right now she would go for anything. She picked it up off the ground and she passed it to the Mad Hatter.
“This is my present to you,” said Alice.
“Great a mini tea cup,” replied the Mad Hatter.
“But it’s…” She began to think a little and she thought that he would prefer it like that. “Yes it’s a very rare mini tea cup. When I saw it I thought of you.”
“Thank you.”
The March Hare then put a large box on the table. It was nicely wrapped up and he seemed to be proud of himself.
“And this is my present,” said the March Hare.
“What is it?” replied the Mad Hatter.
“Open it and find out.”
The Mad Hatter then began to open the huge box. When it was open he dived into it and picked out a normal pair of socks.
“Socks,” said the Mad Hatter. “How did you know?”
“I know these things?”
“Anything else?”
“Yes look inside.”
The Mad Hatter went into the box again. But this time he pulled out a bright red tie. Again he seemed happy.
“A tie,” said the Mad Hatter. “Just what I always wanted.”
“I knew you’d like it,” replied the March Hare.
Alice giggled a little to herself. She knew that people normally bought others ties and socks when they didn’t know what to get them. But they did seem better then her sea shell/mini tea cup.
But then the Griffin came back and he was carrying a small box with him. Like the others it was wrapped up nicely. He put it down right next to the Mad Hatter and he seemed pleased with himself.
“This is a present from the Mock Turtle and I to wish you a very happy birthday,” said the Griffin.
“Oh really,” replied the Mad Hatter. He then opened the box and took the top off. He put his hand into it and it went down very far. It went down impossibly hard since he put his whole arm into the box even though it was only a few inches tall. But then he pulled out something heavy. It took him several seconds but eventually he was able to pull out seemed to be a huge rock. “A rock.”
“But this isn’t any rock.”
“It isn’t?”
“No it’s a big rock.”
“Great I’ve always wanted one of those. I don’t know what for but I still want one so badly.”
“And now you have one.”
“Thank you.”
“And now I suggest we have some more tea before calling it a night.”
“Ok.”
They all poured some more tea and they enjoyed their drinks. But after the tea was drank everyone felt tired. The Griffin and the Mock Turtle were the first to leave. Then Alice decided that it was best for her to leave as well.
“Well I must be going now,” said Alice.
“Oh do come back any time,” replied the March Hare.
“I will do don’t worry.”
“And thank you Alice,” replied the Mad Hatter. “You’ve certainly made this a Birthday to remember.”
“It was my pleasure. Anything for a friend.”
“Remind me when it’s your birthday.”
“I will do.”
She then stood up from her seat and she began to walk away. She waved goodbye to the March Hare and the Mad Hatter. In turn they waved goodbye to her. She felt a little sad to go but she would see them again soon.
But in the forest she was surprised to see a door. She went towards it and opened it. To her amazement she was back in the hall with many doors. The Doorknob looked at her as she walked away a little.
“Ah there you are Alice,” he said.
“Hello,” replied Alice.
“I must tell you. Today’s the Mad Hatter’s birthday. You should do something for him soon.”
“Don’t worry I’ve helped him celebrate.”
“Oh that’s just great. A very kind thing to do.”
“Well if you’re kind to people in turn they’ll be kind to you.” She then picked up and eat me biscuit from a box on the floor and she ate took a bite out of it. This made her grow up to her normal size.
“I’ll see you next Sunday I guess,” she said.
“I’m already looking forward to it.”
Alice then walked away and went to the tunnel. She got the biscuit in her pocket and she took a bite out of it. She then began to float up towards the real world. The distance was a few miles and it took her a few minutes to get up there.
But when Alice reached the top she began to crawl through the rabbit hole and towards the sunlight. When she reached it she stood up and stretched herself a little. She was glad to be back in the real world.
“Wonderland is a good place to visit,” she said. “But I certainly wouldn’t like to live there.”
She then walked across the path back home. It was almost tea time and she was wondering what her family would think about tea flavoured cakes.

Next Too Tall Alice.