|to spin a brain tumour, and people die from them oh my god I am going to die alone and at 28. I broke down and cried hysterically for hours. The doctor came in and said to me in an important voice. “We think we can operate and get it out but this operation is a dangerous one you could die in theatre “my ears were ringing and I knew the pains were on there way. “Ok I will do it “I said. “It will be some time tomorrow “I nodded and before he left I said “It’s on its way again he told me he would get a nurse to get me some strong drugs. A moment late she came with them and set me up. The next day I was sick 6 times and the pain had be doubled up and screaming. “Your drugs don’t bloody work “I shouted to a nurse. “They don’t take the pain away miss they only numb it” “Well not much numbing is going on” I said half talking half screaming. Before I went into theatre my mum, dad and Kerin came to say goodbye and whish me luck. My mum said someone was here to see me. And I saw Darryl walk in.!”Mum why did you bother him? She looked at me. “Coleen It’s ok I needed to see you , I am so sorry I hope all goes well and hope to see you when you come out” he smiled and touched my arm. The nurse came over gave me an injection and all was gone. When I woke up Darryl, mum, dad and Kerin were all around me smiling. “Coleen they got it out” said my mum hugging me. I felt a flood of relief and happiness come over me. “That’s good news, you must me so happy I am “said Darryl. I nodded and cried with happiness. I spent the next couple of days in hospital under savalince then finally I was let out. I was spending days out with my parents and even went on holiday with Jenny. I was trying to get on with my life. One night I had been out to the pub and I was sitting on the couch watching TV when my phone rang. It was Kerin saying he was coming over for his tools he had left when he was fixing my TV. So I got up to make him a coffee when a pain I had never experienced shot through me and something popped in my head then I fell to the floor and everything began to spin. Then all of a sudden it was all black. I woke up with bright lights on me and loud shouts of voices I didn’t know. I fell in and out of sleep and then I felt an urge to be sick which I did and then I saw Kerin my mum and dad looking tired and sick. The doctor looked between us all. “We are very sorry to have to say this but we were wrong we did not get the tumour all out and another one is beginning to grow, the way It’s growing we know we cant get it out, we are so sorry all we can do is give you regular doses of very strong drugs” My hart stopped beating and silent tears fell. “You are meant to be experts and you do this make this big mistake, I was told I was ok now I am dieing” I screamed through massive sobs. “We are so sorry we have never done that before. “And is that meant to make it all better” “No of course not but there is nothing we can do for you” “That’s alright for you to say It’s my life that at stake” “I am very aware of that but …. I cut him short “How long do I have ““About a year to 2 years”. My mum and dad were crying so was Kerin. “Oh shut up the lot of you, I am the one dieing I only have 1 year maybe 2 to live and you have your life ahead of you, I am the one who has to die young with no one, and you lot have the audacity to cry “I screamed ripping the tag off my arm and waltzing out of the room and to reception. “I am Coleen Green and I am discharging myself” The receptionist looked up at me. “Oh no Miss you cant leave” “Why not I am going to die anyway, I have been told there is nothing you can do so let me go” I shouted by this time everyone had caught up with me and was trying to restrain me as I was climbing over the desk to get to the book. The doctor came and told me he had to give me the first dose of drugs to take home before I could go. I sat in the room waiting for him to come back and as I did all I could think about was the words there is nothing we can do. What did that mean, all the technology they had, all the years’ training and there was nothing they could do. I felt like my hart had been ripped out. I was going to die. He came in and instructed me how to use them and gave me an appointment for next week. I nodded along. Then mum and the rest of them ushered me to dad’s car. I sat in the back with Kerin and looked at the streets that passed bye in a year or 2 years to come I would no longer be able to see these streets sit in this car, hear, listen. All of this raced through my mind. I won’t be able to think. I began to imagine what it would be like but I just could not comprehend it. As we came to my house they all got out and my dad helped me up the stairs and sat me on the couch. They all sat in silence watching me as if I was a bomb going to explode at any time. “When are you going home?” I asked them. There was stunned looks across their faces and my dad finally spoke. “We are staying to look after you” I laughed which spread a concerned look over there faces. “Why”. “Well your ill “my mum said. “Are you all going to stay here the whole year or 2” I said getting up and walking to the window and looking out at the town. “Well no” said my dad. “Then why bother staying now, I will be ill the whole of my . . . . . .. Of the time I have left, I am never going to get better am I “tears spilled down my cheeks and I clasped into a heap on the floor. Kerin came over and helped me to my room. He laid me on my bed and shut the door. I cried all night until I eventually fell asleep. I woke with the sound of the kettle boiling and muffled voices from the kitchen. I walked through and they stopped talking. “Morning honey here is some breakfast and a lovely cup of coffee oh and your pills” mum said sitting down at the table. “I don’t want anything” I mumbled picking up my tablets and scowling at them then eventually taking them. “You have to eat something Coleen “ said Kerin I looked at him and got up and shoved my chair in. “Why , I am going to die did nobody hear what the doctor said there is nothing anyone can do, so why bother fouling a body that will die soon”. I ran out of the house and across the road to the park and sat on a bench when I glanced down I realised that I was in my nitie and I started to cry. My whole world came crashing down I realised that I would die lonely and scared. I put my head down and shut my eyes. I took a deep breath and was about to stand up when I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Coleen” I looked up and saw matt, he sat down beside me and looked at me. “What’s wrong?” “I am dieing Matt, I’ve got a massive brain tumour there is nothing anybody can do”. He looked for a while and then put his arm around me I am so sorry, I can’t believe it. “I only have a year or 2 at the most”. He nodded and I knew he didn’t know what to say. I got up and looked at him, have a good life matt and look I am sorry about all that I put you through. “That’s what I was coming to see you about, I love you and I am prepared to put whatever happened before in the past, I haven’t stopped thinking about you”. “Look Matt, it’s not that I don’t love you because I do but I can’t do it”. I started to walk away but matt ran in front of me. “I know at the moment that you don’t want it and I understand but can we at least talk go out, I want to be here for you” I looked at the floor I will think about it. I walked home thinking and I suppose for three days that’s all I did I was making a plan in my head of what to do. One night I knew what to do. I phoned Matt and explained that I loved him and I knew that I could not have lived my life to the full if it was not with him. I told him that I decided that I have to live the year or more to the extreme because it was all I had; I have to be positive and happy. I said that I won’t be alright straight away. He said he fully understood and would be there for me and that he agreed. I also told my parents this and Kerin they all seemed happy at my decision. I decided that I would leave my work and take am early pension my work was very nice about it. The next day I got dressed up to go on a date to the pictures and a meal with Matt. As I was sitting at my dressing table putting the last bit of makeup on I sat staring at myself thinking all this would be over soon and I suddenly realised I had to stop myself thinking like that or I would plunge back into the dark and scary whole I had managed to pull myself slowly out of. I stood up and turned out my light. I put my coat on and walked out the door. The date went well and I had a grate time. It was the first time in a while that I could honestly say that I never thought about my situation. As the night grew to a close and he kissed me for the first time in months I new I had made the right decision and that I could now focus on making my life a good one. As time went by we had more dates and on one of them I asked him to move in. the next few months were happy and warm ones in which I felt loved and safe. One bright Sunday morning I woke up and stumbled in a sleepy daze to make a cup of tea. I saw something lying on the couch, as I walked near to the unidentified object I saw it was a letter (hand written in a gold envelope). I opened it and inside was a letter from Matt saying how much he loved me and that he had a big surprise for me tonight when he came in from his mums. I smiled to myself and new I had bagged myself the perfect man. As I was poring the tea into my mug the door bell went. I ran to the door. It was my mum with a big smile on her face. “Morning col, I was just popping round to ask if you fancied a shopping trip” she said hanging her coat on the hook behind the door. “Yes sure. Tea? “Go on love”. Later once I dressed we hit the town and spent a fortune. It was late by the time we got back into my street. “Coming in for a cuppa” I asked my mum. “Yes, a chance to rest my feet” she giggled. We opened the door and stumbled through with all our bags. I could hear talking and new matt must me in. I opened the living room door and when I walked in I saw the room was decorated full of balloons and banners saying will you marry me. Then all of a sudden all my family and friends stepped out of the shadows and “Against all odds” bombed out of a stereo. Then Matt popped up and held out his hand. I was rooted to the spot. Mum pushed me forward and I managed to take his hand. Then he went down on one knee and took out a small white box with Coleen engraved in silver old English writing. He flipped it open and my hart skipped a beat. In it was a silver ring with a small green diamond in the middle. The side bits were encrusted with little cream looking diamonds. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. “Will you marry me Coleen?” tears streamed down my face and I smiled. “Yes” I fell his arms and the room erupted in applause. The rest of the night was a fun disco and basically an engagement party. The next few months consisted of us organising the wedding. We wanted it to be a big affair. Like most woman I wanted a big fairytale wedding that I would never forget. We had organised the venue all ready. We were set to get married in a big castle in Scotland. It was perfect and had big beautiful gardens in which a marquee was to be put there. The carting was organised. We had a well recommended photographer and had done the geast lists. All that was still to be done was the dresses. I went shopping to countless boutiques but found not one that and screamed to me. Then one cold day me and my mum entered our last shop of the day. And I saw it. It was a big cream dress with little silver jewels on the top half. It was flowy and sort of crinkles on the bottom half; it had a long train and a vale. “That’s it I gasped and ran forward”. We bought it instantly and then as we were a bought to leave I caught a glimpse of a gold colour dress with the same duels as me but on the bottom half and crinkled on the top with a cream over coat, I knew that it was mine for the bridesmaids. I was so happy everything was in place the only thing that we had to do now was get married. One morning a week before the wedding I was sick and felt dizzy and had stomach pains. Matt said I should get checked out just in case anything was getting worse. So we both went to the doctors and as he checked me over a smile spread over his face. “You’re 4 months pregnant”. My hart began to beat fast and I was finding it hard to breath. How could I be, oh no this was a nightmare. My face paled as did the doctors. I turned to matt who was beaming with pride. “Were going to be parent’s col” he said. He took me into a hug. I shrugged him off and ran from the room. I was devastated . As I ran tears came down. Matt caught up with me. “Coleen what’s wrong don’t you want a baby. “You know I do matt” I said now struggling to breath. “Then what’s the matter”. “The matter is that I am dying matt, I will never see it grow up, and we weren’t meant to bring anyone else into this” I said looking at the floor. “Coleen I know our situation is not the best but I will lose you one day, and I just don’t know how I will cope without you, all I will have is photos and memories but with this I will have something that’s mine and yours something that’s part of you”. My hart melted and I broke down. “I know and I agree, I do want it matt but I am scared “I cried. He stroked my hair as I wept in his arms. Eventually we agreed to do it and become parents. As the day grew closer we were so exited. The in no time at all we were standing in front of our friends and families saying “I do”. The wedding was everything we wanted and more. I knew I would never forget this day. And we really did mean till death do us part. The speeches were a very emotional part of the day. My dad started. “I am starting my speech by saying I am very proud of my only daughter Coleen she has made me the proudest dad there ever was by always marching forward in life and just doing the best she can. There has not been one day in life when I have not looked at her and not felt love. Today as I look at her I see what a beautiful, strong and independent woman she has become. Even though times have been extremely hard for her reasently she has pulled through. Although she is now all grown up and today as I watched her getting married, I still saw my little girl with long blond hair and dazzling eyes. Deep down she will always be daddy’s little girl no matter what happens or how far apart we are. I would like to finish by saying I love you Coleen and congratulations to both you and matt. Also Matt welcome son”. Then matt “Coleen I have always loved you, even when we have been apart my love was never away from you. You have made my life worth living, when I was at my darkest hours I thought of you and all seemed better. There were times I thought I would never see or touch you again and I am so blessed now to be standing hear marrying you” then me. “I would like to thank everyone for coming today to witness the best day of my life. But most of all matt I need to thank you. When I was so low and scared you lifted me up and made me see sense. You have showered me with love, care and respect and am truly blessed to have you. Without you I could not have pulled thought. I am proud to be having a baby to you. I know that when I am gone you will love and care for our chilled. I need you to know that I will always love you and the baby with all my hart and sole. Dad I need to thank you for giving me away and for being the grate man you are. I will always be you’re little girl. Mum thanks for always being the Kerin thanks for being the best big brother ever and for always helping me and supporting me when I need you. At times you were my best friend. After the wedding I felt almost complete. I was waiting for the last part of my jigsaw life to fit into place. Time flew by and I gave birth to a gorgeous little girl. She looked like me with matt’s eyes. We called her Eve Coleen Gibson. I was now complete and happy. I loved being a mum and bathing her and feeding her. Matt was gate at being a dad which was the icing on the cake. I stayed strong for 5 months of Eve’s life until my drugs didn’t work and my health got worse until one night I was rushed into hospital. My life was coming to a close. My mum dad Kerin, matt and Eve were at my bedside. As I lay there I thought about how my dream had come true I had a lovely baby and husband and was not going to die alone. I touched Eve’s little hand and whispered I love you. And looked at matt and said I love you matt. Tears streamed down his cheeks. I closed my eyes at least Eve would get to read the story of my life when she was older as I wanted her to know me. As I write this now I am crying. It’s my time to go I know. Bye Eve be good. Mum loves you. Now I am going to close my eyes and go towards the light.
Coleen died minuets later. She managed to finfish her life story for Eve even thought she was ill. I will show her it when she was older as I know it’s what Coleen wanted. I am going to tell her stories about her all the time. I love Coleen with all my hart and will never forget my time with her.