Gladiator's call

“You know Maximus, this is probably the last conversation we’re going to have, isn’t it?”

“That’s not a very helpful attitude is it Sextus, for gods sake man, think positive.”

“Ok Maximus, but my statement holds true nonetheless. I just wanted you to know that you’ve been like a brother to me, Maximus, more than my own brother in fact.”

“Isn’t your brother a thieving rapist?”

“Don’t spoil this Maximus, you know what I mean.”

“Yeah.”

“And if we go out like this, bathed in guts and glory, I’m glad it’s you I will die next to.”

“What did I just say, Sextus? Positive thinking! Gods man!”

“Yeah, I know, but, I just wanted to let you know where I stand.”

“I am the best Murmillo this side of Roma, it's true, but thanks, we’ve sure been through a lot together.”

“Doesn’t Fortuna know it!”

“We should probably go over the tactics again though, instead of reminiscing. I plan on seeing the sunrise tomorrow.”

“Yeah, well, who knows what we will face though?”

“Definitely lions, Legas slipped me word just now.”

“Jupiter’s balls!”

“Yeah, it could be worse though. You just throw the net and I’ll slash its face off, ok?”

“Sure, I guess. What if it’s bears?”

“Well, then it’s all or nothing really. You have to hurl the trident and pray you hit the mark, if not, well, then the gods will decide.”

“Yeah? What if it’s another pair chained together like us then?”

“Well, we’ll have to take our chances wont we. Just follow my lead. We’ll be ok, Sextus, I made a large sacrifice to Fortuna this morning. Very large.”

“Great! I forgot.”

“You what!”

“Yeah, sorry. There was a cute little Numidian, I couldn’t help it.”

“You fuckin’ selfish scumbag! Your loins have cost us dear! If we do survive, I’m going to chop your nuts off afterwards.”

“Hey! What happened to the whole team spirit thing?”

“You fucked it away, that’s what happened. Gods, I hate you.”

“Hey, don’t be like that, your sacrifice will save us, I’m sure of it!”

“Ohh, are you now? Well that’s ok then, isn’t it! You shit. And if were going to be honest with each other, Sextus, you might as well know something else.”

“What’s that then?”

“I ploughed Octavia.”

“What?”

“Yeah, at the festival of fertility, pretty ironic isn’t it.”

“What?”

“Deaf are we? You heard, alright. I boned Octavia. Yeah. She was all over me like a rash. Did it in the alley behind her house.”

“You bastard. Ahh well, fairs fair after all?”

“What? Aren’t you mad?”

“Well, I would be, but I had a thing with your wife a few years back, so I’m in no place to judge really, am I?”

“You barbarian bastard! I’ll kill you before these bloody gates even open!”

“Too late, my friend, up they go now. Big crowd by the sounds of it.”

“See you in Hades!”

“Not if I see you first, brother!”