Judgment

I opened my eyes, and everything around me was white. Literally. Above, below, everything in every direction. I couldn't see even feel my feet on the ground; yet if I was floating, I couldn't feel it. It was as if I was frozen in place, but I could still move my body parts.

I wondered where I was, how I had gotten to this white-world, with no one else around, not a sound but my own thoughts and breathing. At first it was as if I had amnesia, but then it all returned to me. I was dead, or at least I thought I was. I was so young too, only in my mid-twenties, and it was a total accident. And yet, I was alive here.

A chilling thought ran through my mind: what if this was the afterlife? What if this was all there was, just white and loneliness for the rest of eternity?

Suddenly, the silence was broken by the sound of very faint footsteps, whose origins I could not identify at first. Then I saw a small dot off in the distance approaching me, slowly growing bigger. And when I realized who it was, my heart stopped. It was a tall woman with ice blue skin, with brown hair down to her shoulders. This person must be the Goddess. I fell to my knees, unable to comprehend the horror I was about to face. In life, I had always been a nonbeliever of the Goddess. Being a scientist, I believed in evidence and observation, not faith in some entity that no one had ever seen. And yet, here she was. This must be the afterlife, and she was about to judge me. I couldn't comprehend what horrible things she was about to do to me. I shook in terror as I looked down, not wanting to see her get any closer, as if that would make her disappear; yet, I still heard her footsteps on the empty ground, a "clack, clack" sound, as if she were walking on a hard floor.

I heard the footsteps get closer and closer, until they finally stopped, and I knew she was standing right in front of me. I held my position, still shaking, but still looking down. She did nothing, and I wondered if she was deciding what to do with me, or savoring the moment before she tortured me. Finally, after eternity, she spoke. "Stand up, and face me." Her voice did not sound particularily angry, but it had a stern quality to it.

I nearly wasn't able to do it, my body almost paralyzed with fear. But I stood up, and raised my head to face hers. Her skin was an ice blue color, and I could feel her coldness penetrating my skin. She stared deep into me with her green eyes, and I felt compelled to stare back, as if we were having a staring contest; she won by a mile.

"Do you know where you are? And why you are here?"

I swallowed, and answered. "This is the afterlife, and you are here to judge me."

To my surprise, she smiled at my reply. "No, this is the step before the afterlife. And I am not here to judge you. Not yet, anyways. I want you to judge yourself, first."

Me? Judge myself? Was this perhaps one way for her to judge me, to see what I thought of myself?

"Now?"

"Yes. Judge yourself now. Tell me about the good, the bad inside of you. What you have done that you are proud of, what you are ashamed of, and confess anything before me right now."

Her last words sent shivers down my spine, as I felt the pressure of the moment before me crushing down upon me. I stood before her for minutes, thinking over my life and trying to organize my thoughts. Finally, I was ready to judge.

"The worst thing I have ever done, Goddess, was not believing in you."

Before I could continue, she suddenly interrupted me. "No, do not confess that. That is not a sin. Do not think for a moment that your belief in me affected the quality of your life. Now, go on." She said this very quickly, and irritably. It was the thing I had expected her to say the least, and I felt the terror evaporate from my bones, and the weight melt off my chest. A deity, thinking atheism was a good thing? I had so many questions, but in the back of my mind I knew they would have to wait. The Goddess wanted me to continue with my life. I felt a surge of confidence as I went on with my story.

"In my life, I was a scientist, mainly a doctor. I did many medical experiments, but they were all very safe, to patients who volunteered and knew all the risks. Few were hurt by my experiments, and as a result many scientific advances were made in the field of medicine.

I consider myself a generous person. I became slightly wealthy from my research, but I put much of it back into the medical field, helping fund research conducted by fellow doctors. And although I had money, I never lost my kind, generous personality.

There really isn't much more, Goddess. My life was very straightforward and uneventful, until the accident. And now, here I am."

I finished the story, and the silence afterwards was defeaning. The Goddess simply nodded her head before she spoke.

"You had a very good life. I'm sure you think the same, even if you didn't say it. But I suppose you think your non-belief corrupted all of your accomplishments?"

"Yes. I was terrified when you first arrived."

She smiled gently. "I saw that from miles away, and it made me feel awful. I do not want the non-believers to fear me. They have nothing to fear of me. They are the people I cherish the most."

A chance for me to ask some questions. "But why? What makes us so special? The Book says the non-belief is a sin, that all non-believers will be condemned-"

The Goddess laughed right then and there, her face lightening up even more. "The Book? That thing is filled with lies. The people who wrote it know nothing of me, know nothing about my beliefs or actions. They were simply blind believers who needed answers, so they made them up, and people ran with it."

I was so confused right now. "But-why do you feel that way?"

"Tell me, have you ever killed people in my name? Have you ever forced my image onto those who did not wish to bother? Did you waste your time praying to me, or go to churches that are supposedly blessed?"

I shook my head.

"My existence causes so many problems. People fight wars over me, simply because their beliefs may differ. People who do not believe are killed and tortured. I poison humanity. Sometimes I wish I did not exist, so people would have one less flaw in them. Religion and its followers are evil; do not forget it."

What a twist. "I thank you for your kindness, Goddess. My problems have been alleviated. I had no idea this is what you thought of everything"

"No one does. But at least you didn't make things up about me. But now, it's time for you to venture to the afterlife. You had a good life; you now have nothing to fear for the rest of eternity."

I smiled and nodded, as I found myself in front of a set of stairs spiraling up into infinite. But before I started walking, I heard another voice off in the distance"

"Oh, Goddess! Finally, you are here! I knew I would meet you when my life ended!"

And the screams I heard after that will never be banished from my memories.