Demolition City

DEMOLITION CITY

A 10-Minute Play

By

Sarah Reed


CAST OF CHARACTERS

DEVLIN SIJIL. 28. A comic book fanatic and aspiring writer.

EDDY MARNEL. 29. Devlin’s best friend and a mooch.

LILIA IVZ. 31. Devlin’s fiancé and a preschool teacher.

HALEY INGHAM. 21. An intern at The Last Stand Publishing Co.


THE TIME
Late afternoon. Spring.


THE PLACE
Devlin’s shabby apartment.


SETTING:
There are two folding chairs and a manuscript on top of a card table. There are several worn couch cushions on the floor. On one side of the cushions are several long comic boxes, full of comics. On the other side is a small, short table with a samurai sword on a display rack. There is an old coat stand near the front door.

AT RISE:
DEVLIN is wearing a blue spandex outfit with a “no” symbol over a stick of dynamite on his chest. He moves the comic boxes away from the cushions. He goes to the sword and kneels in front of it. Closing his eyes, he bows his head.

DEVLIN

Oh revered Samurai Zilch. Please watch over me in my final hour. Today is the day. My very last chance at getting my book published. If it does not get accepted today then I will have to give up on my dream, and be forever bound to my father’s plumbing company. Please guide me unerringly toward my destiny. Issue seventy-seven.

The front door swings open. EDDY storms in wearing a long trench coat, revealing bright red boots. LILIA walks in wearing a red spandex outfit with a stick of dynamite on her chest. She is carrying a large poster board with “Demolition City” written on it in fancy lettering above a drawing of three superheroes in front of TNT factories. EDDY glares at LILIA.

EDDY

That was embarrassing! Thanks a lot Teach!

LILIA

Eddy, why didn’t you help Miss Kyle by carrying the cat food? Are you avoiding her?

EDDY

I just don’t want her to see me dressed like this. She’ll think I’m a spaz. Man, if my car didn’t need fixin’, I’d be drinking it up at the bar instead of being here…
         (Takes off coat, hangs it on the coat stand. He’s wearing the same outfit as Lilia)
...looking like damn Superman.

DEVLIN

Eddy, you don’t look like Superman. You look more like the Flash.
         (He goes to Lilia, gives her a quick kiss and takes the poster board from her)
Lilia my love, thanks for all your hard work. The children must really love you.

LILIA

You’re very welcome. I was happy to assist! Once your book is published, we’ll finally get my mother’s blessing to be married!

DEVLIN

Yes, I’ll be free of my father’s evil clutches, your mother will finally see me as a real human being and not just a filthy plumber’s assistant, and…
         (Clutches Lilia’s hands)
…after ten long years, we’ll finally realize our dream to get married!

EDDY

I hate to rain on your parade Dev, but if the publisher doesn’t accept your book, please don’t go into the whole suicide-on-a-dull-sword routine?

DEVLIN

         (Puts the poster board on the chairs as a display and picks up the manuscript)
Eddy, you’re disrespecting the memory of Samurai Zilch. Issue eighty-nine was the final heroic moment in his life. It was the culmination of Bud Breaker's writing!
         (Eddy shrugs and shakes his head. Devlin holds up the manuscript)
All right, let’s go over what we’re going to perform for the publisher. He should be here soon…

There is a knock on the front door. Everyone freezes. Another knock.

DEVLIN

Be right there!
         (Whispers to Eddy and Lilia)
Stand in front of the table. Eddy on the left and Lilia on the right. Just stay calm!

DEVLIN walks to the front door, stops and smoothes out his costume. EDDY and LILIA are falling over each other trying to figure out who is supposed to be on what side. EDDY ends up tripping over LILIA’s foot and falling flat on his face. As LILIA is trying to help him up, DEVLIN opens the door. HALEY bounces in. LILIA and EDDY freeze as they watch her. HALEY is wearing a black jacket with pink fuzzy collar and cuffs, a pink fuzzy shirt, black pants and black boots.

HALEY

Hi! I’m Haley Ingham! I’m Mr. Stand’s intern! I’m here to review your book!

DEVLIN, LILIA and EDDY stare at her. LILIA lets go of EDDY’s hand and goes over to HALEY. EDDY falls back to the floor.

LILIA

         (Shaking Haley’s hand)
Hello Miss Ingham. I’m Lilia Ivz, Devlin Sijil’s fiancée. May I take your jacket?

HALEY

         (Gives Lilia her jacket)
Thanks! Speaking of the author, which one’s Devlin?!

DEVLIN

That’s me, Miss…?

HALEY

         (Bounds over to Devlin, shakes his hand and gives him her business card)
Just call me Haley! Here’s my business card!
         (Looks over at Eddy who is now standing and is dusting himself off)
And you are?

EDDY

         (Eyes Haley and offers her his hand)
I’m Eddy Marnel. It’s a pleasure to meet you.

HALEY

Nice to meet you…
         (Quickly goes back to Devlin)
I can see that you’re busy, so if I can just take a look at your manuscript…

DEVLIN

Wait, what happened to Mr. Stand?

HALEY

Oh, he had an emergency meeting with the executives from 20th Century Fox. But don’t worry! Right after I review your story, I’ll report to him and get his decision!

EDDY

         (Mutters to Devlin)
Maybe we shouldn’t do this, though I still want some money.

DEVLIN

         (Whispers back)
Yeah, maybe you’re right, but you aren’t getting anything if I don’t.

LILIA

Now, now, you two. It’s not nice to whisper in the company of others.

DEVLIN

Sorry dear. I apologize Miss Ingham, uh, I mean Haley. I just don’t think… I mean, I’d rather show Mr. Stand my book. No offence, it’s just that, well, what can you do?

LILIA

Devlin! You’re being insensitive and immature!

HALEY

I see… You don’t want to show it to me because I’m just an intern. You don’t think I have any power. That I can’t influence Mr. Stand’s decision?

DEVLIN

Well… can you?

HALEY

Honestly? I don’t know. But if I were you, I’d think about what chances you have without me. I would have tried to help you, but now, I’m not so sure that I want to.
         (Starts to walk to the door)

EDDY

Now you’ve done it! This was your last chance buddy.
         (Whispers to Devlin)
Get her back so I can get paid for this.

LILIA

Devlin, go apologize!

DEVLIN

Miss… Haley wait! I’m sorry. I apologize for insulting you. It’s just that I was expecting to perform my book for Mr. Stand.

HALEY

Is that what the costumes are for?! I thought you were going to a comic convention later.

DEVLIN

No. No convention.

HALEY

Well, you won’t have to perform it for anybody. I won’t waste your time or mine. I have other books to review. Maybe one of them will be the gem that I'm looking for.

DEVLIN

Wait, we’ll perform it for you. If you’ll just sit on the cushions…
         (Holds out the manuscript to her)
We’ll take our places… Please? I promise that it won’t be a waste of your time.

HALEY hesitates. DEVLIN pushes the manuscript into her hands. HALEY sits on the cushions. EDDY and LILIA run into each other going to the table. They untangle themselves and take their places, one on either side. DEVLIN stands a few paces away. He motions to LILIA to pick up the poster board. She quickly picks it up and holds it in front of herself.

DEVLIN

Haley, thank you for staying. Now I’d like to present you with my book: Demolition City.

LILIA sashays to HALEY and holds the poster board in front of HALEY’s face. DEVLIN quickly pulls LILIA back to her place, takes the poster board from her and sets it back on the chairs. DEVLIN returns to his spot and motions to EDDY. Grinning at HALEY, EDDY takes a step forward and stumbles. HALEY stifles a giggle. EDDY catches himself and smiles at HALEY. DEVLIN clears his throat.

EDDY

I am Demolition Man! I am here to steal demolitions from this here factory so that I can blow up the world! This is a perfect night for an evil villain, such as myself, to carry out my evil master plan! With The Anti-Demolitionary gone, there’s no one to stop me!
         (He starts to laugh maniacally, but begins to choke and cough. Gasping)
But first, I need to pick this lock!

EDDY kneels down in front of the table. He leans forward and mimes picking a lock. He hits his head on the table. HALEY giggles. As he rubs his forehead, he flashes HALEY a smile then continues miming. DEVLIN motions to LILIA to step forward. LILIA steps forward into a wide stance. She puts her hands on her hips and pushes out her chest. HALEY snickers.

LILIA

I am Demolition Woman! My master plan is to take over the world! I want to rule everyone and… and…
         (Glances at Devlin and whispers to him)
Line?

DEVLIN sighs and goes to LILIA. He whispers in her ear and then returns to his spot. LILIA begins to speak, but shakes her head and looks at DEVLIN. DEVLIN frowns, goes to LILIA, whispers in her ear, and then returns to his spot. She begins to speak again, but stops and looks at DEVLIN.

DEVLIN

         (Whispers)
Just make it up!

LILIA

…and… to teach everyone on this planet… to say please and thank you!

HALEY laughs softly. DEVLIN groans and shakes his head. LILIA takes a step towards EDDY and taps him on the shoulder. Startled, EDDY hits his head on the table and falls back on his rear. HALEY snorts. EDDY glares up at LILIA. LILIA smiles back. DEVLIN clears his throat loudly and frantically motions for them to continue. EDDY awkwardly leaps to his feet and glares even more menacingly at LILIA.

EDDY

How dare you interrupt me while I’m carrying out my evil master plan!

LILIA

         (Trying to glare back, but only manages to frown at him)
But I am here to carry out my evil… educational master plan. So if you’ll please move out of my way, I’d really appreciate it.
         (Flashes him a smile)

EDDY

Your feminine wiles won’t work on me, Demolition Woman. I’ve heard of you, how you manipulate the minds of men. You won’t get me! My mind is not like that of a normal man’s.

LILIA

Fudge! This is no good. If my feminine charms won’t work then I will have to defeat you with my feminine muscle power!

LILIA raises her hands like claws and lashes out at Eddy. EDDY leaps backwards into DEVLIN. HALEY begins to laugh louder. DEVLIN quickly catches him and pushes him forward. EDDY swings for LILIA, but swings wide and spins around on his heels. He falls backwards into LILIA. LILIA catches him, but his momentum knocks them both to the ground. DEVLIN slaps his forehead with his hand. HALEY clutches her sides, laughing loudly.

DEVLIN

         (Quickly steps in front of the two as they untangle themselves and addresses Haley)
You see, according to the Laws of Comic Book Physics, two beings on the same side can’t seriously hurt each other. These two evil villains realized that they needed a superhero to fight.
         (Steps back to the side and looks expectantly at Eddy)

EDDY

We need a superhero to fight!

LILIA

But The Anti-Demolitionary has not been seen for quite some time. He may be gone for good!

EDDY

Then one of us must become the superhero

LILIA

What a brilliant plan! I will volunteer to be the good superhero first.

EDDY and LILIA face off. DEVLIN steps forward to speak, but EDDY interrupts him with a battle cry as he lunges at LILIA. LILIA shrieks and leaps to the side. EDDY stumbles forward into the comic boxes. HALEY doubles over with laughter. DEVLIN runs to the comics and starts picking them up.

DEVLIN

My comics!

LILIA

Devlin! What about Eddy?

EDDY

Oh, my head… If this keeps up, I really won’t have a normal man’s mind.

DEVLIN

         (Looks around)
What a mess! It wasn’t supposed to be like this! I was hoping to impress the publisher and now… now it’s all ruined! I’ll never get my book published!

DEVLIN stops collecting the comics, sinks to the floor, brings his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around his knees. LILIA rushes to his side, wraps her arms around DEVLIN’s shoulders and rocks him gently. HALEY stands.

HALEY

What’s wrong? Is this not part of the story?

DEVLIN

         (Looks up at Haley)
No! Eddy wasn’t supposed to be such a klutz and Lilia wasn’t supposed to forget her lines!

HALEY

Gee, that’s too bad. Well, I have other appointments to get to so I’ll be leaving now.

EDDY

Haley, don’t blame Dev for our mistakes. His book is a lot better than what we showed you.

HALEY

Hmm… If what I saw is not what’s in the book, then I probably won’t like it as much.

DEVLIN

What do you mean? You liked it?!

HALEY

Yes, that was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time! I think you have a great story with all the mess-ups.

DEVLIN

But I didn’t even get to the part where The Anti-Demolitionary comes in and…

HALEY

I said I liked it, didn’t I!? If you want, I can still try to use my intern influence on Mr. Stand. Though your book will need a little editing, but I can do that once I get you a contract.

DEVLIN

Editing? I dunno… I like it just the way it’s written.

HALEY

Of course you do! It's your story, but to make it more accessible to others, it'll need a little tweaking. Trust me. I need your book published just as much as you do. If I discover a good book, which I believe yours can be, then Mr. Stand has promised me a full-time position!

DEVLIN

Only if I get to check it before it’s printed. After all, it’s my work and I’d like it to stay that way.

HALEY

Of course, of course!
         (She pulls out her cell phone and dials. Everyone watches her. After a moment.)
Hi Mr. Stand! How was your meeting? (Pause) That’s good! I have some good news for you! This book is great! I think you’ll really li… (Pause. She frowns slightly.) But Mr. Stand, let me at least tell you… (Pause) But it’s really… (Pause. She sighs.) Yes Mr. Stand. I understand. (Pause. She frowns.) What?…Yes, yes. I’ll be back at the office soon. (Pause) I will. Good-bye Mr. Stand.
         (She slowly hangs up the phone)
I can't believe him! He promised…
         (She looks sheepishly at everyone)
I’m sorry, but Mr. Stand just signed a long term contract with 20th Century Fox to publish their comic book movies. There’s no market for an unknown story… or an unknown intern…

DEVLIN’s head falls forward and the comics slip from his hands. He pulls himself to his feet. Head still bowed, he makes his way to the sword. Everyone watches him. He takes the sword and holds it in his right hand by his hip. He goes to the cushions and kneels on them.

DEVLIN

This is it. This is the end. There is no more need for me here in the physical realm.
         (Binging the sword in front of him, parallel to the floor, he slips the sheath off)

EDDY

Geez Dev, now she’ll know we’re freaks. Damn issue eighty-nine!

HALEY

Issue eighty-nine? Is that…?

LILIA

         (Rushes to Devlin’s side and kneels down next to him)
Devlin dear, you don’t need to do this. Everything will be all right, just let it go. We’ll find a way to work things out.

DEVLIN

         (Brings the sword up so that the tip is pointing at his stomach)
Good-bye my love. Take care of things here. There is still much for you to teach the villagers. As for me, there is no more need for me. My time has…

HALEY

NO!
         (Rushes to Devlin and grabs his arm)
There is still a need for you, valiant samurai! There is much yet for you to accomplish!

DEVLIN

         (Struggling with Haley for the sword)
Hang off, good woman! It is my time. I must go and again be with my noble father and my brave little No-No, my sidekick monkey.

LILIA

         (Grabs Devlin’s arm)
Be careful honey or you’ll hurt someone.

HALEY and LILIA each pull on one of DEVLIN’s arms. HALEY loses her grip and falls backwards. Unbalanced, DEVLIN falls towards LILIA and hits her in the stomach with the hilt of the sword. DEVLIN and EDDY freeze as LILIA slumps to the floor. DEVLIN drops the sword. EDDY rushes to HALEY's side. DEVLIN leans over LILIA and touches her face.

DEVLIN

Honey-apple! Oh, please be all right!

EDDY

Haley?! Speak to me! Say something!

HALEY

Something…

LILIA

…haven't I told you not to roughhouse because someone will get hurt…

DEVLIN

Yes dear, you have. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you.

DEVLIN helps LILIA to her feet as EDDY helps HALEY to her feet.

HALEY

         (Turns to Devlin)
I’m glad to see that you're still alive.

EDDY

Wait, you thought that he was going to kill himself?
         (Haley nods. He starts laughing and coughing.)
Babe, I hate to tell you this, but it’s a dull sword!

DEVLIN

Never mind him. He has no respect for honor or tradition. Haley, I want to thank you for coming. Please thank Mr. Stand for this opportunity.

HALEY

Mr. Stand?... Mr. Stand can go to hell! I’m tired of being ignored and lied to. I’ve been an intern for three years! He finally gave me a chance for a permanent position, but now he's gone back on his promise! Why I practically know everything there is to know about publishing a book and I… Hey! I have an idea! What if I publish your book?

DEVLIN

You? But I thought…

HALEY

…that I was just an intern. Yeah, well, I’m an intern with a lot of knowledge. That makes me dangerous. I believe that I can publish your book. What do you say?
         (Puts out her hand)

EDDY

Dev, you said I don't get anything if you don't get anything. I sure as hell want something from this! I have bills to pay and ladies to please.
         (Grins at Haley, Haley ignores him)

LILIA

Devlin-dear, if you do this then we can get married and start a family!

DEVLIN

Yes! And I don’t want to work in that stinking hell-hole for my father. Haley, you got yourself a deal!
         (Shakes Haley’s hand)

HALEY

Great! It’ll be hard work and there’s no guarantees, but just remember that the path of success begins with a leap of faith.

DEVLIN

Hey! That’s from… issue fifty…

HALEY

…one. Yup! I better get going now. Lots to do before the day is done. I’ll be in touch!
         (Walks toward the door)

EDDY

         (Dashes to the coat rack and takes Haley’s jacket. Helping her into it)
Say, you wouldn’t want to go get a cup of coffee or something?

HALEY

I don’t go for men in tights.

EDDY

Just let me find a phone booth.

HALEY

Watch out, I’ve got a pocket full of kryptonite.

EDDY

Wait till I show you what I’ve got in my pocket…
         (Haley storms out)
Wait! It’s lead! It’s just a joke!

EDDY grabs his coat and runs after her. LILIA leans on DEVLIN. DEVLIN puts his arm around her.

DEVLIN

The fool, seeking a spoon, first looked in the bedroom closet. The young sage took him by the hand and led him into the kitchen, towards his true destiny.

LILIA

Issue twenty-nine.

DEVLIN

Amen.

THE END