One Line Man

(412 words)

Pete scanned the room for another pretty woman to hit on. So far, he had said his pick-up line to seven ladies, all of whom had rejected him. He smiled when he saw the back of a curvaceous cutie sitting at the bar. He smoothed his unruly brown hair back and smiled brightly, showing off his pearly white teeth. Trying to put a glimmer in his hazel eyes, he sauntered up to the bar.

Standing behind her, he said in a low, deep voice, “Hey, baby, I think I need a cold one because you’re on fire and making me hot.”

As the woman turned, she brushed auburn ringlets to reveal a rough face and square jaw covered in layers of garish make-up that screamed like a neon sign I’m a man. She/he/it smiled as an equally deep voice rumbled, “Hey, baby, if you buy me a drink, I just may say yes.” As Pete’s jaw dropped, the person sitting on the barstool in front of him laughed hoarsely and waved him away. “Don’t worry, man. You’re not my type. And I’m not drunk enough yet to go out with a square.” Pete hurried away without another word, back to the table where his friend Eddy sat watching him. Dropping into a chair, he buried his head in his hands.

Eddy sighed and attempted to be supportive. “Maybe you need a new pick-up line?”

“No.” Pete breathed into his hands. “I need a new drink.” His lifted his head, a look of determination on his face. “My line always works better when I’m drunk.” Calling over to a nearby waitress, he ordered, “One more scotch on the rocks!”

Eddy smiled, stifling a laugh. “You’re crazy.”

As the waitress came back with the drink, Pete flashed her a smile and said, “Hey, baby, I think I need a cold one because you’re on fire and making me hot.” The waitress stared at the drink in her hand then back at Pete.

Handing him the drink, she said, “Then I guess I should bring you a glass of water, little boy, since alcohol is flammable.” Without waiting for his response, she walked off.

Pete shrugged and gulped down half of the drink before turning to the lady at the table next to him. Eyeing her closely, he saw the signs of gaudy make-up and large rough hands. Turning back to Eddy he said, “Better yet, we need a new bar.”