Pile up

I reign over these feelings of this world,
they are not my own...
I aim toward a different goal,
this place is not my home...
A soothing gesture by my source of
love, joy and peace,
a moving lecture in my mind to tell
me the pain will cease.
I disire so much, I feel selfish that
I ask of such, my heart is soft I cannot stop
I pile up the thoughts..
I meditate,
    I suppress my hate,
I cannot even feel,
          I talk to much,
                I miss your touch,
was it even real?