Insider Scoop

Breaking News – Amidst serious economic downturn come horrifying reports of sleeplessness. Insomniacs are being admitted into hospitals for treatment at record levels. Our investigative journalists have found out why.

The Sandman has been furloughed two days a month, but due to job requirements, he works less each day. Tracking him down was impossible, so we sent an email asking several questions. Here is his terse response.

“People not getting enough sleep – oh please! Worse things can and will happen, mark my words. Wait till Christmas when Big Red delivers ten percent fewer gifts. Now, everyone should panic about that situation!”