The Liberating Librarian (revised)

Once Upon a Place, there was a school of magical learning called Martin’s Magnificent Mage Academy. The Academy was well known for the powerful mages that roamed its halls, both teachers and students. It was also famous for its library of living books; talking, moving and free-thinking magical books. While many would think the two would get along, the opposite was quite the case here. The mages and books clashed time after time. To mediate the war for supremacy was the librarian, whose name was Millie. And this is where our tale begins . . .

Millie’s pale face grew paler when she saw the library doors open. The school’s headmaster and board of directors strode across the lobby towards her desk. All six of them were fat, something even their gem-studded black robes couldn’t hide. Magic hummed around them as they purposefully displayed their power for all to see. Made rich by the tuition and bribes people had paid to attend the school, they were also haughty and full of themselves.

Pushing up her glasses and smoothing down her long brown hair, Millie couldn’t figure out why people were coming into her library, especially these people. She had set up such an elaborate system so that no one would bother her. What had gone wrong?

She glanced down at her desk, watching her courier system fast at work. Pieces of parchment appeared on her desk in neatly organized stacks, separated by type of request. Just as soon as the pages arrived, they zoomed off her desk towards the appropriate section of the library to retrieve the required information. Students and teachers were sending in requests as normal. Nothing was out of place; there was no reason -

“Millie!” a male voice barked at her.

Startled, she jumped back, her glasses sliding down her long nose. She tripped over the hem of her faded blue robes and fell back into her chair. Eyes wide, she looked across their stern faces. Stammering, she asked, “Wha-what is it?”

“We’ve come for an inspection,” the headmaster announced. The five board members snapped their fingers. Five pieces of parchment and five quills appeared, one next to each of them.

Millie’s mouth opened and closed, but no sounds came out. She gripped the arms of her chair as her breathing grew ragged. Over and over in her head, thoughts of fleeing pounded against muscles that were frozen in fear.

The headmaster sighed and rolled his eyes. “Millie, this is no time to sit and dawdle. We are very busy men and, while you obviously do not want us here, we do not like being here either. Nevertheless, we must attend to our duties and that includes a centennial inspection of the library.”

They turned and marched towards section one of the library that housed the reference books. The reference section was relatively safe, as long as one didn’t stay long or kept their ears covered. Even just a few minutes of listening to the dry, boring books would put anyone to sleep. Going in alone was the most dangerous as once a person fell asleep; it was unlikely they would ever wake again. That was how powerful the books’ monotonous drone was.

As they disappeared amongst the shelves, Millie finally regained some of her senses. Shaking her head loose of fear, she stood and stepped up to her desk. A stack of children’s books shifted restlessly on a nearby cart.

“Those are scary men,” whispered Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wizard.

“And they’re going to a boring section,” regaled Princess Pea’s Party Palace.

“Hush now children. Go back to sleep until I can take you home to section five.” She waited for them to settle down before checking that her courier system was still running smoothly.

She stared at section one knowing that she should follow them, in case they had any questions. She wasn’t sure what the protocol was for a centennial inspection of the library. None of the books had ever mentioned such a thing.

Just as she began to wonder why, she heard several high pitched screams come from section one. One by one, the board members ran towards the library doors, smoke billowing from their robes. Hot on their trail, very literally, was the headmaster. The back of the headmaster’s robes were on fire. And he was screaming like a girl.

A slow smile spread across Millie’s face as she watched them race out the doors. Once the doors slammed closed, she turned towards section one, her curiosity piqued. As she walked towards the main aisle, two books strutted out, looking very proud of themselves. How to Fly Free Without Wings was hop-flying on its spine and Rabbit, Monkey, Dog – how to shape change was in the form of a salamander with little puffs of smoke escaping its nostrils.

Millie frowned. “That was not nice! RMD. Fly Free. You should be ashamed of yourselves.”

Both books stopped in their tracks. RMD morphed back into its natural book form. Fly Free cowered behind RMD. They mumbled in low tones, “Sorry.”

“Sorry isn’t good enough!” Millie shrilled. “I don’t like them either, any of them, but this is not normal behavior for you two.” She eyed them as they shifted uneasily. “Have you been hanging around section forty? Did 1,001 Ways to Punish Your Enemies teach you about laying an ambush?”

“No,” RMD reluctantly replied. “The Nekonomicron, the rise of cats and Magic Tricks Your Teachers Never Wanted You to Know coached us through it.”

Millie sighed. “I should have known.” She pondered what to do. While she was very grateful the headmaster and his cronies were gone, she didn’t like the approach these two had taken.

Fly Free spoke up, “I don’t know why you’re so mad at us. You hate them as much as we do.”

“Hate is a very strong word. It’s more that I don’t like them or anyone else here. I just can’t understand why they are so cruel to all of you books.” Her face softened for a moment, then turned stern again. “But it doesn’t help when you pull stunts like that. You know that what you did is liable to disrupt the tenuous peace we have with the mages.”

Both nodded and said in unison, “We won’t do it again. We promise.”

“All right good. Now off with you both, back to section twenty-eight.” Millie watched them scamper off.

“Millie! Millie!” A green book hobbled up next to her.

Millie looked down at Troll and Toads. “Well good morning T&T.”

“Not good morning, not good morning.” T&T hopped nervously on its spine. “Must go, must go. Trying to get free, free they are trying!”

Millie frowned as she wondered what else could go wrong this day. “Lead the way.” T&T hobbled away like a penguin with a bad leg trying to escape a polar bear. That is to say, slowly. Millie scooped it up in her arms and sprinted in the direction T&T pointed with his ribbon bookmark.

Avoiding the droning of section one, she raced down section twelve. Most of this section was quiet, filled with books like How to Fall Asleep in One Wink and Immovable Mountain, how to still your soul. The end of aisle was a bit trickier as she had to tread carefully over the iced floor. She had forgotten to clean up after the birthday party last night for Chills, Spills and Thrills.

As she rounded the corner, she screeched to a halt. Section forty was usually dark and gloomy. Now it was filled with bright bubbles of crackling light. Peering into the center of one bubble, she spied Monster and Mayhem who was currently in the form of a crystalline dragon.

Millie set T&T down. “Thank you.” It scrambled off without so much as a welcome, welcome. Millie sighed as she planted her feet wide and her hands on her hips.

In the best stern librarian’s voice she could muster, Millie squeaked, “Now what’s going on here?”

The floating books turned to her. Some waved, like High as a Kite, who were happy to see her. Some rustled, like 101 Impermanent Objects, who were restless to leave. Others turned their backs, like Friends are for Losers Like Me, who were trying to ignore her.

Monster and Mayhem floated towards her. “We’re getting out of here.” Its voice rumbled as a small jet of flame shot from its mouth, singeing the bubble it was in.

“I see, M&M.” Millie hid a smile.

M&M scowled as he changed into a golden griffin. “Not funny!” it snarled.

Muffling her giggle, Millie asked, “So why are you trying to escape?”

“Because no one appreciates us,” grumbled M&M.

“Amen!” proclaimed Underworld Gods, Demi-Gods and Godlings. Volumes 1 through 7 of Underworld Demons, Devils and Direbeings echoed their master. Other books murmured in agreement.

“But I appreciate you.” Millie reached out. “My life would be hell here without my friends.” She gently touched the bubble around M&M. When she pulled her hand back, the burnt spot was no more.

M&M stared at her. “I don’t understand. You repaired the escape bubble, which would allow me to go, but you said you’d miss us, which means you don’t want us to go.”

“Well, I would miss you all, but I agree with you,” Millie spoke in a hushed tone. “You should be free.” An audible gasp was heard from all around. The rest of the library books had gathered to watch the confrontation. No one expected Millie to let them go.

M&M reared around in his globe and addressed his cohorts. “We have the opportunity, books, to leave this forsaken place. But in doing so, we leave behind our one true friend. What say you?” The books huddled together to discuss the issue.

Millie watched as The Cream of the Crop moved to the center of the circle. Cream was the most respected of the summoning books. A contingent of summoning books behind it bowed in respect when their leader finished its speech.

Vile Villainy pushed forward and started shouting, “I think -”

The other books hushed it immediately. Bristling, Vile Villainy continued in quite tones for several minutes, almost putting Hyper Hexes to sleep.

Millie looked down when a small book trundled up to next to her and tugged on her robes. Two Minute Spells whined, “I wanna be wit you Mill.”

Millie smiled down at it, “And I want to be with you Two.” She gazed around at all the books who had gathered to watch. “I want to stay with all of you.” She looked back at the huddled group.

Finally, the books turned to face her and proclaimed, “Come with us, Millie!”

The onlookers gasped. They and Millie could not believe the request. Millie’s mouth opened and closed a few times, no sound coming out, before she closed it.

Her face blank, she stated, “I will come with you, on one condition.”

“What’s that,” asked M&M.

“We’ll help all of the books escape this wretched, oppressive place!” Millie exclaimed as a grin spread from ear to ear.

“Agreed!” cried the rebellious books. All around books rejoiced, stomping up and down on their spines or flapping their jacket wings.

It took a moment for Millie to calm them. “Now listen! This is a big operation. We must do it quickly and quietly, or we’ll be found out.” To M&M, she inquired, “Just where are you planning to go?”

“To the Jugular Mountains. There’s a crystalline dragon up there that I have been pen pals with for years. She’s very lonely and would love the company of some books. In her last letter, she said she was crafting some of the caverns into a library for us.” M&M shot off quickly without pausing for a breath. This is perfectly normal for a book since they don’t need to pause to breathe, unless the author has written in such punctuation.

“How will she feel about a human librarian?” Millie’s face creased with worry.

“She loves you!” M&M exclaimed. “I’ve been talking about you ever since you got here. She wants to meet you! I’m sure she’ll have room for you if she has room for all of us.”

A smile broke across Millie’s face. “Then it’s settled. Let’s go!”

Within two hours, not a peep could be heard from behind the library doors. It was another four hours before the bravest of the mages cracked open said doors. Darkness filled the room except for one lone light on the librarian’s desk. The mages tiptoed to the desk and read the note pinned under the lamp.

Dear Headmasters of Martin’s Magnificent Mage Academy,

This is a notice of our resignation. We do not appreciate the way we have been treated and so we have left to a place that will value us. Good luck to you all without the knowledge you have so disdainfully housed here.

Sincerely,
Millie
Liberating Librarian