To My Husband

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There are people in our lives that change us in ways that we would have never expected. They make us stronger, more humble, concerned, happy, silly, and successful. We love them so intensely that we could withstand anything for them.~0~

My husband and I went to high school together. We went to Junior High as well, but I didn’t know him that far back. We actually met when I was a sophomore and he was a junior.  We were friends then. My girl friend at the time was dating him. I remember him making me laugh, he was very likeable. But having been coping with my parents’ divorce for the last couple years I refused to stick my nose into their business. As things can do in high school, the friendships drifted apart as my friend called me less and less, and I met other new people. I was happy to graduate and moved on with my life. ~1~

I was walking down the sidewalk coming home from my volunteer shift at the nursing home when I saw a car pull over to the shoulder. I looked and it was Jeff, whom I hadn’t seen since he graduated the year before. I was pleased to see him! What were the odds of this encounter? He was single. So we went to dinner to catch up, and started dating after that. He was still funny but liked to party. I wasn’t on that train, and ultimately we broke up after a few weeks. (I remember he dumped me in the car. I tried to shake the speakers right out of the door when I slammed it.) We stopped talking after that failure.~2~

I went to college to attain my Associates Degree. I worked at an Italian Restaurant and then a coffee shop during that time and loved it. It was probably going on three years later that I was asked to fill a shift for a fellow supervisor who was too ill to come in. I happened to be behind the register when I saw Jeff come in. Oh neat!  Then, Oh Weird!  It stirred up memory soup. ~3~

The thing about Jeff is that he takes the straightest path. We were both excited and nervous to see each other because there was uncertainty with how we last parted ways. But he pushed through and succeeded in getting my phone number, even though part of my hesitation was that he came in with a woman. I later learned that she was just a friend. He must be pretty suave to 1) persuade me to give him my phone number a second time 2) convince me to do so while this other woman patiently waited for her drink order.~4~

Now there were things to be discussed! I would not immediately start dating this man again because there were unresolved issues. And of course there were doubts in my mind. Was he the same person whose personality I clashed with before? I considered myself successful for working and going to college and I didn’t want something to upset that balance. I also had not dated since that breakup because I discovered men were endlessly infuriating, and I hadn’t found one that didn’t trigger that response.~5~

We decided to meet at the coffee shop. It was a comfortable place for me and I love coffee. We sat outside and there was no one else on the patio. The first thing he did was apologize. And he apologized in a specific way that affirms he thought about it. That is what I love most about him. He is bold and honest. Because of that discussion I considered it possible and safe to rekindle feelings for him. He told me later on about that night, that he was so cold sitting on that patio. We sat there for a long time and he never mentioned he was at all uncomfortable. What a trooper.~6~

I already knew his family and they were delighted we started dating again. The first time back when Jeff and I dated just after high school, his father said to him that I was the girl he was going to marry. Jeff thought he proved him wrong years ago, but life is full of irony. We wed October 1, 2005.~7~

There have been tough spots in our lives. Our closeness grew through them. There were many times that Jeff was in the hospital. The first was a bout of sickness/flu. After 5 days they released him with no clear diagnosis. The following day on our way to a movie they called and said he had to go to the pharmacy now and pick up a prescription. He had amoebiosis. Remember Oregon Trail? Dysentary.~8~

He’s been hospitalized numerous times for abdominal pain. After every test imaginable and wasted sick and vacation time they attribute it to IBS. (Or the first couple visits, nothing). He had a surgery unrelated to that, he’s had a kidney stone, I’ve had a surgery. There is nothing like sitting in a chair bedside at a hospital that will show you how precious your partner is. In moments of vulnerability the other makes up for it. It’s an automatic response.~9~

Jeff’s always encouraging me to be brave. To try new things. We take vacations when we can afford it. We bought a house. We got a Beagle puppy. I successfully worked a job that tested my confidence constantly. ~10~

We tried starting a family. We have not been successful yet. I’ve had three miscarriages that led to my surgery. I’ve given innumerous vials of blood. All we’ve discovered is that I need a mega dose of folic acid, but no explanation as to why the early miscarriages. It’s very sobering to consider adoption as an option.~11~

We both miss being young. The randomness, simplicity, and possibility. Responsibilities transform relationships and we both struggle to keep our humor at times. Worry creeps in and takes up space where carefree used to be. The best exercise is to limit despairing about what we can’t change.~12~

I love my husband dearly and I still see the young man I fell in love with years ago. And the wiser man he is now.~13~