WHY?

WHY?

Why? Thats all that he could ask as he shook his fist at God.




Did you ever hear a cry, a sound so horrifying, so awful, that it sent a shiver right down your spine? Well, I have and it is a sound that I never want to hear again. It was the cry of all cries, the cry that could not be silenced by comfort. It was the cry of separation, of loss, and the death of a fifteen year old son. It was the cry emanating out of my brother's heart and soul when he saw the lifeless body of his beloved son. I was there, as was my family, and there wasn’t a person in the room that could offer him any comfort. No one could ease his pain and his suffering. Our mother couldn’t, nor could his wife or his children. No; there was no one who could, including me, who had to leave the presence of my brother because of my own deep feelings of grief. Death of a loved one is never an easy burden to carry, and for my brother it is an extremely heavy weight for him to bear.

Nick's death was dreadfully unexpected on that unusually hot June day. It was just three days before school was dismissed for the summer. Nick, along with two other friends, decided to go down to the river for a swim. My brother had warned Nick numerous times about going into the rivers waters. But, just as kids usually do, they defy the wishes of their parents. At the river's bank, some of the local area kids had tied a rope to a high, sturdy branch hanging off a large tree. They would swing on this rope, then let go, falling into the river below. This cooled them off and they were having fun. They all ignored the warning signs along the rivers bank. The signs that forbid them to swim and that warned them to keep out of that area. Numerous times police and other authorities would chase youngsters away from that area. This had become a losing battle since they could not have someone patrolling out there all of the time.

Now this river, although peaceful looking, had up to sixty foot drop off’s. Many of these would drop down into the old mines below. There were also very strong currents that swirled unseen under the surface of the water. They were strong enough to pull someone down quickly like something being rinsed down the drain of a sink. This is what happened to Nick. They had just finished swimming and had already put on their shoes. There was a low wall along one of the areas of the river bank and it was often used as a walk way. The stones on top of it were wet and slippery and my brother’s beloved fell into the river. It just so happened that there was one of these swirling currents right where he fell. In the water he lost all control and panic set in. His friend, being a very strong swimmer, got as close to him as he possibly could. He tried reaching out a hand to him, but he could not stay in that spot any longer because of the strong current. He frantically tried to get to Nick a few more times, but each time he failed. He could see the expression of fear and panic on Nick's face. He felt the same terror and the feeling of dread that Nick was feeling. He could see his best friend struggling, fighting with all of his might to save his own life. He watched as his friend was swallowed up, disappearing into the darkness of the deep waters. I know that he will be left with those images for his entire life. As this was all happening the third boy was already gone to get help.

At first it was a rescue mission. There were helicopters in the air, men on the ground, and of course divers in the river searching for him. We hoped and prayed often, trying to assure ourselves that there was still hope. Maybe Nick would be found alive along the banks of the river. We hoped that at worse, Nick would only be injured. We didn't want to think about the inevitable. A day later rescue, became a recovery mission. When they finally found Nick's body he was face down in seven feet of water some three hundred fifty yards away from the spot where he had been last seen. Poor Nick, he never realized that on this particular day he would die. Who really does know the time of their own death? I only hope that he didn't suffer too long. From what I have heard; after struggling, when someone drops below the water, the body, in an attempt to protect itself, initiates involuntary breath holding. I also heard that at some point before death the victim feels at peace. I hope that this was so with Nick. Now he is gone and what's left behind is my brother's grief.

I watched my brother for over two years afterwards. I still worry for him. I can see the pain in his eyes. I could feel the anger that is in his heart. I can almost understand his position with the almighty. After all, Nick was not the first child he loss so tragically. He lost a ten year old daughter who was hit by a car many years earlier. I could see my brother age. What is two years, now looks more like ten years on his face. Many times I had to go searching for him when he was missing for days at a time. I would find him in different places. Once in a bar miles away from home, where he would be drinking, fighting, or just sitting there in deep thought. There was this one time, very late at night, when I found him at Nick grave crying. Then there was the night I found him down on the river bank; yelling at God, with a fist in the air, why?