Fetch, Boy

For my birthday present, when I was just seven
I got a new puppy. Oh, I was in Heaven!
I  tried and I tried to teach him new tricks,
Like retrieving a ball or returning small sticks.

My puppy was golden, and I named him Sam.
I learned in a hurry he could be a big ham.
He rolled and he tumbled and barked quite a lot.
And, he swam in the pond when he became hot.

One day I decided to teach him to fetch.
What he returned almost caused me to retch!
He brought gnarly pond things all covered with goo.
Indescribable objects that really reeked, too!

Though I tossed out a stick or sometimes a ball,
His return trips' results even made my skin crawl!
These disgusting objects, from where no one knew,
He deposited them often at the toe of my shoe.

And when I would scold him, and I’d walk away,
He’d place his new treasure in his secret cache.
This secretive treasure was in a bad spot;
Just under my window, where it smelled quite a lot!

I think I’ve determined that “fetching’s” not right.
At least, not for Sam, who isn’t too bright.
So maybe I’ll try to find a new trick
To teach him today that won’t make me sick!

I will search and I’ll search to find a new ploy
Dispose of his treasures and buy a new toy.
Then wash him all clean with some scented dog soap
His “fetching” is over, at least, this I hope!

28 lines