SUNRISE LESSON SEVEN

*****SUNRISE LESSON SEVEN*****

Assignment 1

1. Read the following sentences and remove the adjectives and adverbs.

2. Then take each sentence and re-write it without the modifiers,
adding concrete nouns and active verbs to replace the adjectives and adverbs.

3. Copy and paste the assigned examples and your amended sentences
in the finished lesson so we can compare them.

You do not have to post your entire explanation of the amended sentence as your answer like I have in the example below.
It is simply an example to show you how the process works.
I only expect the first example and your amended sentence posted in the forum.

Here is an example of the lesson I expect you to turn in
EXAMPLE TO AMEND:
Megan ran quickly down the dirty street, rounded the corner at a lightning pace, and hurdled mightily over a big, brown puddle.
By trimming the excess modifiers out,
the sentence will be more enjoyable to read.
Also, stronger and more unique modifiers can be used
instead of words such as big,
in order to give the sentence a little extra kick.
Here's the new version:
Megan ran down the cluttered street, zipped through the corner, and hurdled over an immense puddle.
Let's discuss the changes!
1. The first change was to remove the adjective quickly, because it is utterly useless.
The verb running implies quickly anyway (is it possible for someone to not run quickly?)
2. The second change was to replace the common adjective dirty with something a little less overused, cluttered.
3. The third change was to replace the modifying phrase at a lightning pace with a stronger verb up front, zipped.
4. The fourth change was to remove the adverb mightily, because the verb hurdled is strong enough by itself.
5. The final change was to consolidate the two adjectives in front of puddle,
big, brown, into one stronger one, immense.
The idea of the puddle being dirty is lost, but puddles are dirty by nature, therefore a dirty puddle is redundant.
In general, it's not a good idea to try to describe a word
with more than one adjective, because the string of commas gets tedious.

Sentence Examples for Assignment Part 1:

1. Jeff, one of the biggest men you could imagine, walked heavily through the antique store, while Ginnie's eyes looked quickly at each item left quivering in his wake.
Hefty Jeff thudded through the antique store, while Ginny's eyes darted from one piece of reverberating merchandise to the next as he passed.

2. The big fuzzy dog lazily fell to the floor.
The soft St. Bernard slowly assumed his favorite position on the floor for a nap!

3. A dirty homeless man walked across the street slowly, as the large crowd of people quickly walked around him.
A vagrant man hobbled across the street, as the throngs of shoppers studiously sped on their
way, oblivious to his plight.

4. The pretty girl who sits at the front desk and answers the phone, carefully typed a letter quitting her job to her big fat employer.
Our professional, well-dressed assistant capably runs our office from the front desk, assuming telephone and typing support for the rest of the staff. I regret that today, she turned in her resignation to her superior, an unprofessionally dressed woman who looked as though she had been stuffed into her poorly-fitting office attire.

5. The mean looking, bald cop, a really little guy, loudly told us to move quickly from the area.
A small cop who looked as though he had never had any hair at all, glared at us with an ugly sneer as he barked a command at us to clear the street without stopping/

6. The thin taxi driver suddenly braked, causing Beth, his passenger, a blonde haired, blued-eyed woman, to rapidly react.
Beth, the striking Scandanavian passinger in Slim's taxi, lurched over to her right in the
cab and, swearing softly, bounced against the door as Slim slammed on his brakes to avoid hitting a small dog.

7. When Ted walked in I noticed right away that he was dressed impeccably, but when he started talk I hastily moved away, as his breath was very bad.

8. Nancy, the oldest woman in our office, works very diligently, and faithfully arrives early every day.

9. Sally sat silently, waiting for someone else to speak first.

10. I anxiously waited for my brown-eyed, beefy husband to get home, so I could happily tell him the news.

11. Carlita walked silently through the pitch black of the deserted, empty house, fingers pushing lightly on each closed door.

12. John hurriedly ate his burger and fries.

13.The little brown-eyed girl quietly moved behind the couch to hide from her big brother.

14. She wrote the report unusually neatly.

15. I was vivisbly upset when the big scary man looked at me with evil eyes.

The thing to remember is this: Use specific NOUNS and VERBS to do most of your work.
Don't be lazy and coat everything with adverbs and adjectives. Use those sparingly.
I'm not saying they don't have a place. They do.
But when overused, it is a sure sign of amateurish writing. Worse, your work won't leave the same impression on the reader as ones where the author is using specific nouns and verbs to tell his story... to SHOW his story.
If you have trouble understanding and/or completing the assignment, write Boo on vacation! (52) bouiesgirllPreferred
and we will figure it out.
I expect you to ask for help if you're not sure, and not turn in something substandard.

I read a line recently in a published novel that had a prepositional phrase, a subject, and an object, all so heavily described that I had to read the sentence over THREE times before I saw what the author was trying to say. What was the important part. Yes, we want to "paint a picture" for the reader, but be judicious in what you're showing him.


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Assignment 2

1. Look through your port for a story or use one or two of the assignments you've created for this class.
(I know every one of you has turned in work chock full of modifiers)
Take the passage or page of sentences you have chosen and get a piece of paper handy, or open up your writing program on your computer.

2. Remove every adjective and adverb from the post and list them in two columns

(one adverbs, one for adjectives).

Then, reread the passage outloud. Does it still make sense?