The Great Outdoors

Let me just say that camping is not my favorite thing to do.
This wasn’t really my idea of a trip I looked forward to!
But, the children begged, and my husband pled, so I just HAD to go
And now I remember why it is that I hate camping so!

We started out one great spring day with weather that was fine.
We arrived to set our tent, but were missing one of the lines.
“No worries, though,” my husband said, “I can make it work.”
Because he knew without a tent, that I would go berserk.

As he fished, the children played, and I found I wasn’t needed.
So I decided to take a hike, no cautiousness I heeded.
The path was marked, and clearly, thus I followed for a while.
The flora and the fauna there brought to me a smile.

Walking along I got hot and found that I was sweating
And now begins the unique part that I began regretting.
I took my glasses from my face and placed them on my head
And somewhere along this woody path I had a sense of dread.

Without my glasses I can’t see a yard before my face
And here I was in the great outdoors totally out of place.
I felt the pockets of my jeans, to see if they were there.
But I couldn’t find them and moved on to search for them elsewhere.

I turned around, or it seemed so, my steps I would backtrack
But my lack of clearer vision caused my psyche to attack.
Was that a snake poised to strike and what on earth was that?
Mother Nature had gone wild, I thought as I fell flat.

I got up, brushed myself off, not looking around to see
If all that racket I had heard was something chasing me.
I simply ran as fast as I was able now to do
And in the process of this run, I lost a brand new shoe.

Winded and exhausted, scared and I feared lost
I found a place to sit upon, where branches appeared crossed.
As I sat and really tried to gather my composure
I told myself that I must try not to die from this exposure.

Just then I heard my husband’s voice calling out my name
“My hero! He has found me,” I heard myself exclaim.
He called to me, and I returned to say, “I’m over here!”
“Darling, one,” he simply said “Mind handing me a beer?”

Puzzled, I walked toward his voice, a shaking nervous wreck
To find myself in our campsite, and thought, “Now what the heck?”
He laughed as he looked at me, and then I vowed again
My camping days were over ‘cause there’s a nearby Holiday Inn.

40 lines