A dialogue with Self - Part I

Something has to be the reason
for my glum mood.
Is it just me, as usual
or is it someone else this time?
Can't figure it out.
..
In this shiny day,
I feel like winter gloom,
can't tell you why.
My lips are sealed,
eyes say it all,
but it's for you to read.
Things you miss out on
because you pay attention to the other.

Some things in life, perhaps,
will remain the way they are.
Striving for a change
but can't see it near.
You’ll have to let me go,
to see my colors real.
Yet you don't seem to understand,
the feelings that swim within.
How am I to tell,
when your eyes plead something else?
..
Don’t you dare,
tell me it's my fault.
Things are just not right
and I am not the cause
but how shall I say it,
will you understand?
You pretend you do
but have you ever heard,
the songs that I sing?
What goes on inside,
is still worlds apart.
Someday perhaps you would come to know
but it's difficult to say what would’ve happened by then.

...
You make me do it,
lie and pretend.
Yeah, I know, I’m blaming you
but can't seem to take the blame every time.
You've got to know that
you aren't always on the right.
Things that were and things that are
just not me, its you too.
..
When the poison pours out,
it's difficult to survive
but can you imagine,
surviving with it inside...
It’s worse, let me express
but would you know?
Or are you too hiding secrets,
that I must know..?

Tell me, oh dear,
let things be clear.
It’s time, now or never,
let us not delay it any further.
This poison is getting mingled,
let's sway it away.
Let us live like today,
yet there's still more to say.
Will you listen and understand,
the words I say straight from the heart?

Perhaps I should stop,
it's getting difficult by the line.
Just wanted you to know,
what goes on inside.
But should I tell you this
because sometimes the feelings arise.
There are things that matter
and things that don't, to you
and this, I guess, is the latter,
so let me free you
from the burden that is within.
Let me open the shackles,
am doing this just for you,
never done it for another.

Pain it causes, it does
but let me fall in love.
'It's beautiful', I heard someone say,
perhaps I too will say so one day.
But waiting for the day I am not
because it's difficult surviving even today.
How long will I,
can't answer right now,
see if I can survive this life.
It isn't easy as they say,
today I can see why
but let me try.
I have to, I know,
escape I can't,
even for your sake.

Free me some day,
so that I can feel the sun.
Winter gloom is here to stay
and one day I will lie in snow...