How to be a cheap drunk

How to be a Cheap Drunk

So you want to get shitfaced but you just don't have
enough for that 6-pack of Natural Light. Sounds like a
typical Tuesday afternoon, right? Well, if you're really
strapped for cash, there's a way to get all of the alcohol
in that delicious, delicious 6-pack for about half the
price. The answer to all your problems lies in a big, 40
ounce bottle.

Wegmans at Mt. Hope sells a variety of malt liquors,
each with optional paper bag for maximum 40-drinkin'
experience. Here's a short rundown of what they have:

Colt 45- The champagne of malt liquor. This stuff
doesn't come cheap, at 2.19 a bottle, but sometimes
you have to live the high life. Plus, Lando Calrisian
a.ka. Billy Dee Williams drinks this stuff. He destroyed
the Death Star, and let's face it, the man knows his
401s.

Magnum- I like this one. It tastes like a gunfight in my
body. BANG! Rumors that Magnum will make you sterile
are probably unfounded, but it might explain the low
1.49 price tag. So if you like no-nonsense malt liquor,
and you don't mind shooting blanks, give this one a try.

Hurricane- The malt liquor for lovers. This combines a
nice dry flavor with a rich surprising sweetness. Fire up
the candles, put on some Barry White, and share it with
a loved one. A steal at 1.59 a bottle.

Schlitz's- 1.89 a bottle. According to historians, this
was George Washington's favorite malt liquor, and it's
mine too. In a blind taste test, this one beat Coke, Pepsi,
and Mello Yello, losing only to Yoo-Hoo in the finals.
Words can't describe the succulence of Schlitz's. Go
out and try some now!

So good luck. Remember that this is not set in stone,
and all tastes are subjective. So experiment for
yourself, and most importantly, just have fun with it.
Happy drinkin'!

P.S. According to the surgeon general, the best time for
drinkin' 40's is A) while driving a car and B) when
you're pregnant.