"Man, My Rear is Draggin"

"Man, My Rear is Draggin'"

based upon the song "Puff, The Magic Dragon" by Peter, Paul & Mary

and shamelessly altered by WordImperfect

Man, my rear is draggin', feels like I'm 63
Pretty soon I think I'll need a new hip, after that looks like a knee.
Good thing that I quit smoking; took that final puff
Otherwise you could most likely add a lung,
To my list of "needed stuff."
Oh...

Man, my rear is draggin', feels like I'm 73
If I don't hit a gym real quick,
Pretty soon they'll be buryin' me.
Man, my rear is draggin', what next will it be?
Better be soon, and that's no joke, when all my health care's free.

Together, along with my co-pay, good health may soon prevail
But I keep an eye out for a rejection notice, whenever I get the mail.
Most of my health care benefits, soon won't be the same
Will probably try to get the next colonoscopy under someone else's name.
Oh...

Man, my rear is draggin', feels like I'm 83
I guess for my high cholesterol, the one I should thank, goes by the name of Sarah Lee.
Man, my rear is draggin', used to be so hap - happy
But these problems have left me searching for a rope, and a sturdy branch on a tree.

The universe lasts forever, but not so pain-free joys
Drinking beer and chasing girls have created problems for those no longer boys.
One grey night it happened, "old reliable" was no more
And it was time for an emergency trip, to the pharmacy of my store.

My head was bent in sorrow, if you could only feel my pain
Wish I had thought to don a disguise, while in the checkout lane.
Without my lifelong friend, I could no longer be brave
So now for the first time in my life, I had to learn how to behave.
Oh...

Man, my rear is draggin', feels like I'm 93
How come every half-hour or so, I feel like I have to pee?
Man, my rear is draggin, how can this possibly be?
At this point it might be wise, to start writing my eulogy!