Want

I wrote this on: 13/5/08.  It's just a bit of a rambling rant. 



Want
I used to want so many things
eyes wide open, heart and mind hungry and eager
wanting is so relaxed
time to kill
time to enjoy the results, when they came
now i find myself needing things
there's no time to sit and relax
if i don't get what i need i'm fucked
if i do get what i need, i go another day
there's no enjoyment in that
no time to survey my kingdom
no kingdom to survey
if my body is a temple then my soul is an abandoned warehouse full of immigrants
my thoughts, dreams, desires are all foregin to me
they aren't really me
they've grown up out of panic, fear, disillusionment and desperation
like weeds that have killed off the previous tennants
even the insects won't go near these weeds
yet some sort of fucked up logic makes them appealing
even worse i sometimes find them comforting
am i trying to impress myself and be 'cool'?
bit of a fucking price to pay if i am
it'd be nice to just be dull and uninteresting
if i could just crack a smile and believe it
if i could laugh and feel it
i'm off to see the wizrd, he'll give me my heart back
follow the yellow brick road
this is where the dreams of the past have been pissed on