Conversational Magic

WC 605

Conversational Magic

By Jack Rawlins

“Oh, crap! The power just went off.”

“I know. I’m here too--if you noticed.”

“Don’t be a smartass, Ziggy. What are you going to do about it?”

“Zelda, baby, what would you like me to do?”

“Fix it. Check the circuit breakers maybe?”

“Okay. While I stumble around in the basement, and risk my life with high voltage and stuff I don’t understand, why don’t you fix us a couple of martinis?”

“It’s only 3:00 o’clock in the afternoon.”

“So? Who cares? There’s nothing else to do. No TV, no Internet ... nada. Might as well chill out while we still have some ice to chill with.”

“Ice?”

“Yes, Zelda. Ice. It comes from the refrigerator, you know. The refrigerator powered by electricity.”

“Ziggy, you are a sarcastic little bastard.”

“I’m not little. I weigh two-fifty. All relaxed muscle.”

“It’s not relaxed muscle, it’s fat, fat, fat. So okay: You’re a fat, sarcastic bastard.”

“Stop with the zingers, Zelda. I’ll go check the breakers. And when I go down, why don’t you step up on the bathroom scale. Oh, never mind. It’ll just make you angry.”

“Keep it up, Ziggy, and you’ll ruin another lovely day for both of us. So I put on a few pounds. I’m big-boned.”

“Oh yeah, big-boned. Ha! Fat people have been saying that for years.”

“Oh, now you’re calling me fat?”

"Ooops! Time out. Go fix the drinks. I’ll check the breakers. And if I come back alive, we’ll start over.”

**********

“Well, it wasn’t a circuit breaker, dear.”

“Ziggy, I know. I’m here too--if you noticed.”

“Now you’re being a smartass.”

“Sorry. Let’s start over. Why don’t you call the electric company?”

“For what?”

“For service. Information. To bitch.”

“Okay. Okay. I’ll call. You can pour. I won’t be long.”

*******

“You said you wouldn’t be long. You were long. What did they say?”

“Your call is important to us.”

“Is that all?”

“No. They said ‘due to the high volume of calls we are experiencing at this time your call will be answered in the order in which it was received.’ “

“Is that all?”

“No. They said I might have to wait a long, long time. Then they put on a Wagner opera.”

“You should have called earlier.”

“I was in the basement. “

“Never mind. Let’s have our martinis and decide what we’re going to do--Cheers!"

“Cheers--Zelda, what do you mean ‘to do’?”

“Until the power comes back on… Ziggy, we can’t just sit around boozing. It might not come on for days.”

“So? Whoopee!

“Get serious, will you?"

“Zelda, how about if we just talk?”

“Talk?"

“Yeah. Talk. You know conversational magic. Share our thoughts and say nice things to one another—like we once did.

“Let’s make believe I’m picking you up in a bar. Let’s make believe you find me interesting. Let’s make believe we haven’t been married for forty years and raised three kids. Let’s make believe—“

“Stop. That’s more make-believe than I can stand.”

“Okay. What would you like to talk about?”

“Me.”

“Come on. That’s all we ever talk about.”

“Not true.”

“Is true.”

“Okay, then. Let’s not talk. Let’s pray.”

“We never pray. Pray for what, Ziggy?
.
"Let’s pray the freezer keeps all those expensive cuts of frozen meat frozen so we don’t have to throw them out.
Let’s pray we can get through this together without TV, without our computers, without killing one another.And let’s pray we get our power back before all the ice melts and we have to drink our martinis warm.

“Anything you’d like to add, Zelda?”


“Yes. Amen.”

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