The Jeans-Tucker

WC 300

The Jeans-Tucker

By Jack Rawlins

Lestchester, NY ---Denim Mills, Inc. announced here today the introduction of the Jeans-Tucker, described as the ultimate answer to stuffing big butts in petite sizes. The height adjustable device is A-shaped like a carpenter’s saw horse. It allows the tucker to mount from either side as they would a saddle.

“Let’s face it,"said ‘Big Daddy’ Lorenzo, Denim’s CEO, “a lot of ladies –and some of us guys—have trouble getting over the rump’s hump. Tight jeans look good and everyone should have the right to wear them—if they can get them on.”

To use the Jeans-Tucker properly, jeans are left unzipped and loose about the hips. After mounting, bending the knees as though squatting enables the tool’s padded crotch-ridge to force the jeans to their ultimate destination. This guarantees a very tight fit.

Those who are overly optimistic about what size they might possibly squeeze into may have to do a series of knee flexes and squats to jam the seam up as far as possible. However, the manufacturer does caution that “unbounded exuberance and unrealistic expectations can cause chaffing.”

The device also comes with a handy extractor. The extractor is a hook-shaped attachment with a prehensile thumb and index finger. It's attached while seated. When the user rises, the attachment gently, but firmly tugs down the jeans.

The whole process of tucking and removal are accomplished with a minimum of grunting, twisting, tugging, snorting and cussing. It thus eliminates the usual contortions that could damage both jeans and booties.

According to company officials a National chain, “Jeans Are Us,” plans to use the Jeans-Tucker as part of their customer loyalty program. One Jeans-Tucker will be awarded for every five pairs of jeans purchased.

Nobody believes it’s ever going to happen.

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