Daughters-in-law & Mothers-in-law

What Would Daughters-in-law Do Without Us Mothers-in-Law ?
By Nita Kapadia

July 3,2009

What would our daughters-in-law do without us mothers-in-law in their life?

Well, for one they would have a blast!

There are enough horror stories about mothers-in-law and mother-in-law jokes, to make us believe this. But, it is not the only truth, in fact it could be a myth. The mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship by and large, seems to have undergone a sea change.

It is no longer a relationship fraught with dangers for all the members of the family. In fact in some cases, the mother-in-law is seen as the friend, philosopher and guide!

Take the Dewan family. Lopa Dewan, has foregone her daily evenings at the gym, only to spend the evenings with her daughter-in-law, Namrata. Lopa has found that now she speaks more to Namrata than her husband. In fact Namrata has bonded so well with her mother-in-law, that she can discuss anything under the sun with her. According to Namrata,‘After you’ve gone, you don’t miss your mother.’ Her mother-in-law has more than filled the void that her going away from her own mother would have created.

This fact reveals one of the key secrets to the success of this relationship. It is communication. By communication, both these women have discovered that they have the same objective-A Happy Family, and so they co-operate to achieve it.

There are just one or two things that need to be paid attention to.

It would be a mistake for the older woman to be so nice that she loses her spontaneity. One should not be afraid to be perceived as the awful mother-in-law, and so become so polite that one cannot honestly reveals one’s own feelings. This would definitely not be effective communication!

Another thing is that the daughter-in-law should not depend so completely on her mother-in-law, that she would, in future be afraid to take on responsibility of any sort. This is true of most daughters-in-law today. Since most of them are full time career women, they hardly spend any time housekeeping. This can be frightening!

But, one thing is for sure, the daughters-in-law wouldn’t feel so lost without us. This is because they are well-informed, independent and to a certain extent fearless. Due to the internet, they have facts and figures just a click away. This is a great help during an emergency. Also, most of them are working, so they are financially independent. Besides, they would not think twice before saying anything at all under the sun to us.

Right now they seem to have the best of both the worlds-a fairly well-maintained household courtesy the mother-in-law,
besides a career they can give their full attention to, too.