What if? Albert's imagination!

What if death in a dream meant death in real life.

‘Albert's imagination’

Albert scurried from the living room there seemed like no place to hide. All his hall mates were watching chainsaw massacre 2. He had to fill his imagination with something else. He stumbled for his room keys and quickly stepped inside. In his room were posters of calm scenes. A tropical paradise poster he was very partial to had turquoise blue water and lazy palm trees amongst white sandy beaches. To him it was his savoir. Beside the tropical paradise a care bears picture stood alone on the dusty white wall. None of his friends had ever entered his room and Albert had good reason not to let them. Opposite the care bears poster, Kelly Brooks lay in a seductive poise. Albert’s only wish was that he could have done with a bigger poster of her without the eye patch covering her groin. He chuckled to himself at the thought. His bed cover was amassed with pink flowery designs and there were no dark pictures linked with death. Albert checked his drawer as it was coming to 8pm and he was feeling sleepy.
‘What’, Albert roared.
Inside his drawer lay a clear jar and it was empty. This meant only one thing. Albert had run out of cocaine.
‘There’s nothing else to do’ panicked Albert
‘I’ll have to go for a run’.
His hall mates had started to get suspicious of Albert, partly due to the frantic hurrying and strange wails from inside his room. They couldn’t understand why Albert ran off in the midst of conversation. Tim leaned over towards Will for fear of Albert entering unannounced.
‘Albert seems a pleasant guy’, said Tim
There Tim had said it, it was out there. Will paused and looked at Tim with a puzzled look in his eye
‘Yes, I thought so’ said Will. Thinking at the back of his mind (‘I’m surrounded by fruitcakes, this isn’t what I thought uni is about’). Will blanked the thought out of his mind and tried not to laugh.
Sarah and Natalie were sat next to Will cuddling and gasping whenever the chainsaw ripped another head off. The thought had occurred to Tim that both the girls were a lost cause. Meaning his chat up attempts and time spent trying to get either one to drink and lure them in his room were wasted as they were both Lesbians. Tim went into a dream of the two girls naked in Natalie’s room and kissing whilst massaging themselves in obscure places. He blanked the thought out of his mind when he realized he was staring at Sarah’s breasts. Sarah looked at him wondering whether he had been taking drugs.
‘Sorry Sarah’ sheepishly replied Tim
‘I’ve just received bad news that my Grandma passed away recently’ Tim replied instinctively.
Tim breathed a sigh of relief and relished in his own genius.

Sarah turned and looked back towards the film and up lovingly towards Natalie. (‘If only Natalie realized how much I fancy her’) thought Sarah.
Lost in her own thought Sarah began to ponder and plot her move.
(‘There’s only one thing for it I’ll have to get her drunk and lore her into my room. I just wish those pesky boys would leave us alone…well actually Albert’s ok….probably because he’s gay too…….thinking about gays Graham Norton’s on in 30mins followed by Jeremy Kyle….this is the best day ever…..shit what am I thinking better cuddle up to Natalie’.)

Natalie gasped at the next chainsaw scene in shock with all the violence. (‘Ah well’) thought Natalie (‘at least there is another girl in the halls it’s like being at home with a sister. I do quite like Will… better play hard to get…I can’t have him thinking I’m a walk over. That other guy seems ok I suppose….what’s his name Albert ah yes bit fruity but harmless enough not like zombie face Tim. Whenever I speak to him he just stares at my breasts quite flattering…better not think bad things of people after all who knows what effect a death in the family has’.)

Meanwhile Albert not wanting to go out the front door through the living room to be subjected to horror films opened his window.
There usually comes a time in a man’s life when he thinks the impossible can be done. This was not one of those times for Albert.
‘Fuck’, said Albert as he remembered he was on the third floor of a tall building.
‘What the hell can I do’ he muttered.
Suddenly the idea struck him (‘coffee’) He started to laugh and thought to him self (‘Why didn’t I think of it before. I’m doing a Biology degree and I forgot coffee’s a stimulant. Not only am I slightly insane. I’m also stupid’). Albert peered out his room. No one was there. He tiptoed down the corridor towards Natalie room which also happened to be near the shower, toilet and kitchen. ‘Bloody girls’ said Albert, ‘they really do have it all’, he muttered coldly. Albert reached for the Nescafe. ‘Shit’ he yelled. Worried at the volume of his voice he tried to remain calm (‘it’s decafe’) kept entering his mind. He looked above the Decafe and to his relief on Natalie’s shelf was a jar of Cuban coffee. Im saved thought Albert. He transferred his Nescafe decafe into a bowl and poured the Cuban coffee in his own jar and put Natalie’s Cuban jar back where he found it. He quickly put the kettle on. ‘Dam kettle’, said Albert, ‘it’s one of those bloody energy saving ones’. In the frustration waiting for the kettle to boil Albert reached into Tim cupboard and moved the cornflake packet aside. Low and behold a packet of malbourgh lights stood innocently on the wooden panel. Albert was not really a smoker and he definitely didn’t smoke to socialize but this was just one of those times. He pulled a cigarette delicately from its packet and moved the cornflakes back into place. He frantically looked around for a lighter. No luck. Everything seemed to be against Albert at the current time. He improvised and put the toaster on whilst carefully holding the cigarette to the red strip of hot metal. It worked he breathed in the smoke and started to calm down. He reached for the kitchen window and fully opened it. Just at that moment the kettle boiled. Albert poured into a cup 3 tablespoons of Cuban delight and added water. No need for milk thought Albert what I need is an espresso that will keep me awake.
Meanwhile Will’s phone played the familiar yet annoying Nokia tune. ‘Hey’ replied Will.
It was Grace Will’s girlfriend.
‘I’m outside your halls Will. Just wondering if you want to come for a walk with me back to my house on the other side of town’, said Grace loudly.
Will had accidentally put the phone on loud speaker and blushed when everyone turned to look at him. He switched it back to normal settings and replied ‘Yes’. It was like a blessing in disguise. He liked his girlfriend despite some of her irritating traits but to him it would be good to get away from some of the fruitcakes for a while. He wondered to his room to get his coat. Said a pleasant goodbye to everyone bar Albert and escaped out the front door.
Natalie then got up from the sofa away from Sarah to go to her room. She really wished Will was single. As she walked to her room she heard muttering in the kitchen and went in to have a look. Albert’s eyes were wide open and he was crying on the table. He looked up shocked to see Natalie. Natalie placed her arm on Albert back and asked ‘Are you ok Albert’
Albert in a semi insomniac stage from 2 days sleep out of two weeks replied ‘No’
‘What’s the matter Albert’, asked Natalie concerned.
Albert defeated replied, ‘I’m scared that if I sleep I’ll die’
Natalie looked at Albert in shock and then broke into laughter. ‘Your funny’ replied Natalie.
Albert stood up to try to help him explain things to her. All the excitement and drugs and staring at Kelly Brooks awakened Albert penis. It stood tall as he looked at the girl who had not run away.
Natalie glanced down at Albert’s soldier and went to kiss him. All the drugs and confusion had addled Albert’s brain. He followed Natalie to her room full with cute pink teddy bears. He was safe. Not a word was spoken between them Natalie slowly took off her clothes and Albert’s too and they climbed into the pink fluffy bed.
Albert for the first time in two weeks slept.
In the morning he kissed Natalie and headed for class. Nothing bad happened all day and he got back from lessons and slept on his bed. In his dream his heart raced like a jack rabbit and the time he had with Natalie repeated again and again. He awoke and his balls were aching as if they had been put in a nut cracker which was slowly turning. Albert went running again. He couldn’t afford to go to sleep. He ran round the back roads towards the biology building. It was there when he lost hope. At the corner of his eye a double bus screeched on its breaks as a scooter flew round the corner. Albert saw the scooter fly into the air with the rider on it before crashing down to the ground. An old lady next to Albert almost had a heart attack and urged Albert to help her help the biker. The ambulance was called by a man named Tony on the bus. Ten minutes later it arrived and medics rushed out. De-fibulater’s were rushed over. It all happened in about 20 minutes and then the black body bag was pulled out. The Scottish medic replied ‘Ach noo there was really nothing else we could have done he sustained a skull fracture and bled to death. He was probably dud before we arrived. Hey chap what’s your name we need someone to help make a statement. Albert stuttered ‘AAAALLlbert’
‘Ok Albert, I’m Scott come with us doon to the hospital just to fill some forms in and we can arrange transport back to where you live’, replied the medic
Albert stunned at the turn of events complied obediently and got into the ambulance and stared into space all the way towards the hospital.
When he arrived at hospital he could not even speak. The doctor replied ‘Albert, are you there’
No response.
After much debate with the medical staff they decided to provide a bed for Albert to get some rest after the shock. They measured his heart rate/pulse and breathing which were unusually high. This was due to the high level of stimulants unbeknown to the medics.
Albert started daydreaming and suddenly awoke from his daylight stupor to the sound of the doctor.
‘Now Albert this won’t hurt a bit it’s just a mild sedative so you can get some rest for the night’
The needle shined with pure fear as drops of liquid squirted out.
‘Albert had to somehow explain to the doctor that whatever he dreams comes true’
The level of shock and drugs and sex had somehow stolen all words and communication from him. The needle went in.
‘Now count to ten Albert and you’ll be in a nice sleep’
‘Sweet dreams’, said the attractive and friendly nurse by the doctor
1
2
Albert’s life flashed
3
It wasn’t a particularly good life.
4
in fact it was terrible ever since this curse came at 13 years old!
5
Dam it should have rung my parents to tell them im dead in four seconds.
6
7'Ah well I did explain this to them before'
8 'They never bloody listened.'
'I Could have done with a bacon sandwich.'
9 'Here’s to the mystery of death.'
9.5 God or Hell,......or nothingness.
10 hmmm

The papers on 15th of June read in the small article that a teenager died whilst in the care of the hospital. The university officials managed to send the teenagers possessions back to his parent’s at home. There was no names mentioned but some of the possessions were puzzling for the officials and the parents and a crime scene is investigating whether the teenager was kept captive in his own room or if there was any evidence of mental illness in the family through doctors records. If a criminal was involved it is believed to be a woman of sorts and there were traces of drugs, semen and blood stains on the bed.

A.J.Macpherson