One Day at Forks High

It was lunchtime, and Bella was trying not to stare at the mysterious yet beautiful Edward Cullen. She was failing miserably.

He was just too pretty.

Every once in a while, he'd glance in her direction and cross his eyes.

Then he'd blink.

After that didn't deter Bella, he tried picking his nose.

He tried picking Jasper's nose.

Alice slapped his hand away.

"Quit it!" she hissed, putting a protective arm around her man.

But Bella was still ogling him. Edward watched in morbid fascination as a line of drool seeped from the corner of her mouth.

"Ewww", he muttered to himself, trying not to shudder visibly.

Just then, a new girl entered the cafeteria. Everyone stopped their activity at once, almost as if the move had been rehearsed.

She was gorgeous. Her long raven hair curled gently to her narrow waist. Pale skinned and fashionably dressed in black, her presence commanded everybody's attention.

"Hello. I'm Raven Midnight Deathblood and I'm new here", she said to no one in particular.

Edward was smitten instantly. Bella Swan was completely forgotten as he hurried to the new girl's side.

"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen. You are my soul mate. Let's make mutant babies together."

Raven smiled seductively up at him.

Bella, having snapped rather quickly out of her spit fit, was miffed. Somebody was making moves on HER sex god!

The two impossibly attractive people stood as if frozen, gazing longingly into each other's eyes. Just as Bella felt like she might hurl, another new girl walked into the cafeteria.

She, too, was drop-dead gorgeous. Tossing her honey golden blonde hair over her shoulder, she glared at Edward and Raven. Her sea-before-a-storm blue eyes narrowed. She clenched her delicate hands into dainty fists.

She cleared her throat, ladylike at first. But when that didn't catch his attention, she made a noise like a cat with a hairball.

Finally, the handsome vampire looked over at her.

"Hello, Edward. I'm Savannah Destiny Wysteria Jones-Davenport and I know who you REALLY are." Her voice was musical and pleasant to everyone's ears.

Edward stepped away from Raven without a moment's hesitation. The dark-haired beauty's fierce glare shot daggers at Savannah.

"Well, helloooo Savannah!" he purred at her, putting a sexy arm around her waist.

Bella put her head down on the table. She was feeling dizzy now. Just when she thought it couldn't get any worse, she heard all her fellow students gasp.

Slowly, she raised her head.

"No, it can't be", she groaned to herself.

Yes. It was true.

Another new girl walked into the cafeteria. She paused for a moment, so everyone could appreciate her perfect body and dazzling good looks.

This one had long auburn hair, a pale complexion, and forest-after-a-rainstorm green eyes.

She put her slim hands on her hips and pouted prettily at Edward.

"Hello, Edward. I'm Lily Evans and--"

Bella couldn't take any more. Quickly, she stood up and shouted at her,"You're in the wrong story!"

Lily looked startled. She frowned slightly, glancing around the high school cafeteria.

"You know, you're right. This place looks NOTHING like Hogwarts. What was I thinking?" She gathered her long black cloak close and gracefully disappeared.

Both Raven and Savannah wore baffled expressions.

"What the-"

"-hell?"

They even finished each other's sentence. This seemed to baffle them further, and they narrowed their eyes hatefully at each other.

Raven began growling.

Savannah hissed, baring her perfect even teeth.

Wisely, Edward stepped back.

The two beautiful young women leaped at once. Fists flew. Slaps were delivered.

Hair was pulled.

Bella couldn't hold it in any longer. She laughed and laughed until her stomach ached. Tears streamed down her cheeks. It was all much too funny.

Edward stared at her. This time he seemed amused, too. He rushed to her side instantly, but she didn't notice because she was still giggling helplessly.

"Why don't we get out of here?" he asked, nuzzling her ear.

That got her attention. She straightened up abruptly, whacking him in the forehead.

"Unggghhh!" he groaned.

Bella was oblivious to his pain.

"Sure, let's ditch the rest of the day!" she chirped.

He smiled at her. "I know a great place we can go. It's this really awesome meadow I found hiking one day last weekend."

"Meadow? That's soooo romantic! I can't wait to see it! And it's such a beautiful sunny day too."

They strolled hand in hand past the new girls and out of the lunch room.

And the Mary-Sues fought on....