Bang Bang Blame

BANG BANG BLAME



You never end up with the job you always wanted, I wanted to be an actor or at least a porn star, that's the closet to the movie business. I Never thought I'd be some teen idols bodyguard and not one with a thing for transsexual Asian men.

The man three feet away from me, whose pushing all three inches of his cock into the tranny is " Steven McCore" some pop singer who has all the underage kittens hot and bothered. Can't discover why for the like of me, then again I'm not a preteen.

" You want it , bitch, huh, moan for me, moan for daddy!"

" Oh, yes. You’re so big." His tranny says without much passion.

Jeeze, this kid has some serious issues. He should at least find a tranny that talks like a woman, a lot of those in North Hollywood, better looking ones at that and ones that aren’t liars.


I said honey if you ever die I’d be mortified from 45
Sweet heart if our worlds collide we’ both be bruised inside
I am the muscle between your leg, I am the air keeping you alive.
We sleep under the street lights, Hoping tonight will be the night



I turn the radio louder, anything to drown out those two. It's funny, the kid is against gays, he even spoke out against them. Here he is giving it to a guy. Maybe he's fighting against them, he doesn't fight with his fist, he fights with his dick.



I've been broken but we fit together, you are the glue between my parts.
I am the silent assassin, I am the silent assassin
You are the star in your own game show, more than anyone cares to know
One horse, one horse, this is a one horse race.
this is not a test of faith, this not a test of faith, this not a test of faith

" Oh, shit, shit, shit, here I come." About damn time, It's bad enough I have to stand here at watch this crap, just in case his one night stands try to get fresh with him.

Half an hour later It's all over, his pants are zipped up and his boy toy is out the door in time. " Fucking fagots, I hate them." Same usual banter from McCore, fuck one then despise them. Isn't he a charming man.

" You didn't like him? " I ask.

" Are you kidding, bro, heck no. People like that shouldn't be given an ounce of respect."

" Then, why fuck him?"

He snickers at me, like I've pissed him off. " I was fucking him because I hate his kind."

Yeah, he's got issues or he’s just plain stupid. " So, where to now?"

" Back to the hotel my good man." He puts his arm around me, let me guess he wants to fuck me in the ass too?






The Drive Back Home


I wanna shoot you down now for the things you did
From far away I came got away from seeing red
I came a long way to see you
Such a long way to see you
I came a long way to see you
Now I wish you were dead, wish you were dead


I'm driving the bastard back to his home, a nice lavishing hotel in Downtown L.A, where our young prince will do a box of blow and be whisked away to a fairyland with unicorns, fucking, talking beavers, a fountain that shoots out coke, and all the trannies his dick can handle.

People within “ the business” are dysfunctional like you and I, strike that they’re worst. The only thing that separates them is their wealth, you strip that away and they’re just like that loser friend you have since childhood, the one you show pity and humor to anytime you two hangout. The kind of friend you keep around to remind yourself, that your life didn't turn out so bad.

“ I’m like God , man, kids look up to me and that just blows my freaking mind. I could tell them to strip naked in front of me and they would. I could tell them to suck on my hard cock and they would, how fucking cool is that !? ”

I guess I’ve been driving around a pedophile in my car all this time. Things just get weirder by the damn second. “ You shouldn’t be saying things like that, man, you need it to keep it on the down low . People hear you like little kids you’re in deep shit.”

“ But, I do love them, man,” He begins to ramble like some sort of hippy guru. He even has the sandals, shirt, and pants to go with it “ Is that wrong? Love is never wrong, love is always right, hate is wrong, love is right. Say it with me, baby, love is tight, love ... wow my head is spinning.” I can tell by the look in his eyes, this boy has been dipping into the white powder tonight. Must have snuck a taste when I was getting the car. “ I want to fuck so bad right now, you think it’s cool we pick some young meat? “

“ Take it easy , champ, you don’t look so hot, let’s get you back to the hotel.” I better haul ass, junior here isn’t doing so well. I think his mind is spinning out of control.

“ Fuck , man, my head is killing me. Shit, shit, shit, shit.”

I look through the rear view mirror, his nose is bleeding bad, he’s getting pale. “ Hey, champ, where did you buy the coke today?”

“ Na , man, I don’t use that shit, I’m clean, you know me.”

Fucking little liar. “ Nobody here to judge you, man, tell me the truth.”

“ The fag, he was carrying some coke on him. Said it was good stuff.” Holy crap, I better drive fast and get him back before anything serious happens.






D.O.A



Hello my name is Jimmy Pop and I'm a dumb white guy,
I'm not old or new but middle school fifth grade like junior high,
I don't know mofo if y'all peeps be buggin' give props to my ho cause she all fly,
But I can take the heat cause I'm the other white meat known as 'Kid Funky Fried',
Yeah I'm hung like planet Pluto hard to see with the naked eye,
But if I crashed into Uranus I would stick it where the sun don't shine,
Cause I'm kind of like Han Solo always stroking my own wookie,
I'm the root of all that's evil yeah but you can call me cookie,



“ Son of a bitch, he O.D.” The kid’s sleaze ball of a manger/father exams his meal ticket dead body, blood running down his nice shirt, his eyes rolled to the back of his head. There was nothing I could do, he died on the drive back. “ Stupid mother fucker, he got it from his whore of a mother. Stupid bitch would do blow when she was eight months pregnant. Shit, I just a bought a new car.” That would explain where McCore got his drug habits from, then it’ll be safe to assume he got his sick sexual thrills from his dad ?

“ We should informer the cops, right?”

“ No, no, no.” Matthew McCore was like any other father who leached on the success of their child, a cold hearted monster who jerked off to himself in the mirror. “ I got it, drive around the back, I’ll get some busboys to help me carry his body to his room. I’ll need to tip off the paparazzi too. I can turn a misfortune to a hell of a profit.” Like I said, a monster.




Starlight Lounge


Alcoholic kind of mood
lose my clothes, lose my lube
cruising for a piece of fun
looking out for number one
different partner every night
so narcotic outta sight
what a gas, what a beautiful ass.
And it all breaks down at the role reversal,
got the muse in my head she's universal,
spinnin' me round she's coming over me.
And it all breaks down at the first rehearsal,
got the muse in my head she's universal,
spinnin' me round she's coming over me.



My eighteen year old daughter works in a strip club called the Starlight Lounge, I never did figure out why she deiced to become a stripper. Her mother is a success story, she’s a lawyer with her own practice, she has the face of an angel, but a heart of a witch, I should know. Thankfully my little girl didn’t turn out that way. Marlene has the smarts to be more, she just rather spend her time spinning around a pole. If she’s happy, I’m happy. Like she told me once, it’s more than stripping and giving men boners, it’s an art forum. People who couldn’t see that “ Were only viewing things one sided.”


“ Daddy?” Marlene Isaac Lilly Farland , her mother decide to legally change Marlene’s last name, so she would never have to bare mine. If you abbreviate Marlene’s entire name, it spelled M.I.L.F. A joke that gets tossed her way by her friends. I had no say in naming her, as my ex said “ You’re not the one shitting this kid out of your cooter.” I wish I could say that was just because of the hormonal mood swings, sadly there wasn’t a single day when she wasn’t insulating me or putting me down in front of anyone she could find. I lasted for fifth teen years with her, I thank God for hard booze and porn for getting me through that nightmare.

“ Hey , sweetie, I thought I would come down and check how you were doing. Is everything fine with you?” I’m lying through my teeth, after today I need to find comfort somewhere. Marlene has always had the knack of sorting things out, she was my daughter/therapist.

“ I don’t go on until a few minutes.” She's dressed like a space girl with ass less chaps. Some father’s would feel the cold turning of their stomachs, unable to see their daughter’s flaunting their sexuality. I had no problem with it, my baby girl didn’t have sexuality, she was still that little six month child trying to learn to crawl. “ Is something wrong ? “

“ No, of course not. I just wanted to see how you were.”

“ Liar, it’s your job again, isn’t it?” She’s gotten to know me too well.

“ I really can’t take it anymore,” Here I go pouring my troubles on my little girl. “ Today I had one of my clients O.D’d on me.”

“ Daddy, are you ok?”


I can’t believe that out of all of the people that have come into my life, my only daughter would be the one to really give a damn about me, everyone else pretty much just shrugs and walks away. My ex wouldn’t give me a nickel to save my ass, even if my life depended on it. We didn’t leave on good terms, I was turned into the bad guy when I caught her and her lover, having sex in the same bed we both slept in. She had the balls to tell me this wouldn’t have happen if I was around more. I was just surprised she could still talk with someone’s dick inside her cunt at the same time, then again she was always a multitasker. “ Yeah, I’m good hon. Just seeing that really made me want to see you. He was your same age.”

“ who was it? ”

“ Watch the news in an hour from now, you’ll find out.” I still can’t believe he’s dead, Steven McCore wasn’t any saint, he was a low life little bastard, but you can’t help feel a bit sad. You never want to die knowing that last thing you did was snort some bad coke. It’s a real shame.

The music is blaring so loud in the back, that I can hardly hear myself think. This strip joint wasn’t the same as the ones you’ll find in South Central L.A, if people tell you each strip joint is the same, bullshit. Each one was different and unique in their own forthright. Star Light Lounge treated their employees with a care, not like some two-bit whore. Half the girls in here were studying to be lawyers and professors. Call them whore if you want, but you better add well educated at the end, because these girls could out smart everyone that stepped in. I kinda look at this place like a strip club of con artist. The young girls fooling dumb oafs in handing over all their money to them, just for peak at naked flesh.

“ You should quit, daddy, I’m making enough money. I could help support you and you could find something else to do.”

My own daughter asking me to quit while she supports me, I find that hard to sallow, just call it my own stubborn ways or just plain old fashion. “ No, honey. I’m your father, you don’t have to support me, It’s my job to support you. I’m the one you come to for money because you wrecked the car and whatnot.”

She giggles her head off. “ Dad, it’s the 21st century. Besides, I would never wreck a car, I‘m a good driver.”

“ How’s your mother?” I’m hoping ill and ready to kick the bucket. I know that’s wrong of me to think, but I know that bitch is thinking the same thing.

“ She’s doing good, thinks I should quit this job and join her and Tony in the business.” Ah, so Tony was the one with his dick inside my ex. Now they’re forcing my girl to do something she wants no part of, that really pisses me off.

“ Baby, you don’t have to do it.”

“ I know , Daddy, I’m not. I’m happy here. When I find something else I’ll jump on that.” God, she can be dressed half naked and ready to take off for the men out there, but that still doesn’t stop me from being so fucking proud of her. “ I’m more worried about you, it’s been awhile since we’ve talked.”

“ I just don’t know what to make of my life, I’m an old man, and nothing to show for it. I just need to find some answers.”

“ I could give you a simple answer which only masks the real problem, but we both know I won’t do that.”

She’s a smart little cookie. “ I wish you would.”

“ Daddy, I love you.” There’s that million dollar smile that makes my heart melt away.

The manager is waiting behind her, looks like my little girl is ready to go.“ Honey, you look real busy and I don’t want to take up any more of your time. I’ll make sure to call you later today, so we can talk about all this.”

“ That’s sounds great.” She hugs me, my little space girl. “ Dad, promise me you’ll look after yourself.” She hugs me tighter . She looks at me, waiting for me to say something back. I just smile, and let her go on stage.

I’ve always felt like an utter failure as a person, husband and father. I busted my ass to put food on the table. but it just never felt like enough. I scarified so much and for what? Even now I feel like my entire life just fell short of what it could have been.




Drink Those Sorrows Away ?



Yo listen up: here's a story
About a little guy that lives in a blue world
And all day and all night and everything he sees is
Just blue like him inside and outside
Blue his house with a blue little window
And a blue Corvette and everything is blue for him
And himself and everybody around
'Cause he aint got nobody to listen


You’re having a bad day, you recognize the worthless piece of shit of a life you lived, and you feel like you’re at the bottom. What can one turn to at time like this, Booze. It takes the sting out off the pain. Seeing Marlene helped, not as much I would like. I’m not sure what will help me, if anything.

This bar is nearly empty, expect for a few college kids getting wasted in the back, and some goth girl two chairs down from me. I wasn’t really interested in going to some rich little Hollywood nightclub, I wanted a nice peaceful bar to get away from the whole Hollywood night life. Just wanted something normal, if that existed.

“ rough day? “ The goth girl sitting down from me asks.

“ That obvious? “

“ Since you walked in through the door.” She puts her drink aside and sits right beside me. “ So, what brings you to this little shindig ?”

“ Just looking for something normal.”

“ Hmm, Normal.” She bites on down on her lip, like she’s trying to find the meaning of normal. “ You ever think normal is just a slang for depressed, sexless, and miserable people.”

Hey, she just describe my entire life. “ Are you telling me you never want to have a normal life ?”

“ Well, what’s your vision of a normal life? “

“ Kids, a steady job, a house, a loving wife who I can turn to for comfort, having social parties with friends.” She puts her finger in her mouth, gagging at my ideal paradise. “ That’s normal.”

“ You just describe the most depressing fantasy ever. “

“ How is that depressing? “ Is this girl talking to me just to piss me off?

“ You want to live a 50’s sitcom, where the only person you please is society. Where’s the dream of pleasing yourself. Besides, your wife would be a very unhappy woman.”

“ I would give her the best sex.” Not sure if that was the brightest thing to blurt out.

“ Missionary gets old quick.” She looks at me, examining me from head to toe. “ I hope you don’t get offended, but, you seem like a very unhappy man.”

I have to counter. “ I hope you don’t get offended,” I’m trying to find some flaw to point out, this is harder then I thought, ah, got it. “ You have one boob bigger than the other.” Idiot.

She laughs, well I’m glad she found that funny. “ Nope, they’re the same. Want to feel them to find out?” I almost choke, that came out of nowhere. “ Oh, relax you’re a big boy.”

“ So, where’s the bartender ?” I have to change the subject from boobs to beer. Where is she, She was here a minute ago. Cute girl, small, glasses, and a bit shy.

“ She’s fucking herself in the bathroom stall.”

“ Bullshit? ” What’s up with this girl ?

“ She grabbed her bob from her backpack and headed to the bathroom.”

What the hell is she talking about. “ Bob, who the hell is that?”

“ Battery Operator Boyfriend.” She can tell I’m still confuse. “ Her toy dildo.”

“ Yeah, whatever.” This girl is off her rocker and freaking weird.

“ You don’t believe me?” She gets up out of her seat, swallows her drink. “ Come with me.”

What the hell is up with this girl. “ Where to?” I ask. She grabs my hand and pulls me off my ass. She’s leading me to the women’s bathroom. “ Are you crazy, I’m not going in there?!”

“ Oh, shut up, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.” I’m trying to pull away, but she manages to take me inside.

There’s only four stalls, you can tell right away the bartender is in the middle, you can see her jeans down on the floor. I start sweating uncontrollably. I’m not even sure if I’m really standing here at all, this all seems too surreal. The goth knocks on the stall

“ Busy, use another stall.” The bartender’s sweet innocent voice calls out.

The goth pulls me closer, seeing I’m trying to inch myself away. “ Excuse me, we were wondering if we could possibly watch you ?”

“ Watch me do what? “

“ For the love of God she’s proudly taking a shit.” I whisper to the Goth.

She slaps my shoulder to hush up. “ I saw you pull out your toy from you backpack and, well, my friend and I are curious. “

There’s a huge pause, I’m wondering if the bartender is ready to call the cops on us. What the hell was I thinking, letting this fucking insane girl drag me to the women’s bathroom. I’m in deep shit. “ Ok.” What the hell?

“ Aren’t you glad you met me.” The Goth winks at me. Who is this girl, her little mini skirt, those pig tails. Yeah, she might look sweet and pure, but this girl has a strong sexual desire like I’ve never seen before. I’m drawn to it, it’s narcotic. “ oh, by the way, “ She smiles at me, pulling me closer, whatever she has to say is meant for my ears only. “ This is my idea of normal.”

The bartender opens the door, her legs are spread apart, her shirt lifted up exposing her breast. She’s already caressing her cunt slowly, turned on by the notion that we’re here. She licks her lips as she eye’s the Goth, her toy dildo is on her lap. “ come here.” She asks the Goth.

“ Just do what comes natural.” She tells me before she walks over to the bartender. The bartender forgets about her toy and begins to rub her hand on the Goth’s inner thigh. “ God, I’m glad I came over for a drink tonight.” The bartender’s hand slips between the Goth’s legs, the Goth moans as the fingers caress on top of her panties pressing into her cunt, moving slowly and caressing the lips. The bartender presses harder, the cotton fabric being pushed into her makes the Goth bite down on her lip, to keep herself moaning any louder. She shivers with anticipation, I can feel the warmth that shots up and down insider her. Is this what women feel, is this what a touch of woman makes them feel, if so , I just don’t know why do they put up with us, a woman’s touch can never compare to a man’s.

“ I’m glad I didn’t call in sick.” The Bartender say’s before lifting the skirt of the Goth, pushing her panties aside, she lets the tip of her tongue push inside, she teases the Goth by pushing in and out. The Goth moans so loud, you can surely hear her from outside the bar. “ You taste sweet.” The bartender smiles, enjoying the facial expression on the Goth’s face each time she teases her. She moves in deeper, letting her tongue feel every inch inside the Goth, feeling the warmth inside her. Hearing the sound her cunt makes as she gets wetter and wetter only leaves the innocent bartender with the urge to tease her even more.

I’m lost in all this. Sex wasn’t a top desire of mines, ever. Here I am wanting it more than ever. Without it I feel like I’m dying, it’s a need, a craving , a yearning calling out to me to take it and to have it.

“ honey, we’re here to please you not the other way around.” The goth pulls back the Bartender, caressing her face, touching her lips, feeling her tongue wrap around her fingers. The Goth pulls off her skirt, tosses it away, pulls her underwear down, and gets on her knees. “ Tell me when to stop.” She winks, and beings to lick inside the Bartender.

I can’t fight it anymore, I want to have them both, more than anything. But, what if they don’t want me, what if it’s only meant for them? “ Join us, please. “ The bartender says as she moans. I can’t fight it, I want this.





I am an antichrist
I am an anarchist
Dont know what I want but
I know how to get it
I wanna destroy the passer by cos i
I wanna be anarchy !
No dogs body
Anarchy for the u.k its coming sometime and maybe
I give a wrong time stop a traffic line
Your future dream is a shopping scheme cos I
I wanna be anarchy !





I’m resting inside the Goth, both of us face to face her bare back pressed against the wall, she whispers a song into my ear “ Remember me when you're the one who's silver screened, Remember me when you're the one you always dreamed, remember me when ever noses start to bleed, remember me special needs.” Her voice it’s hypnotic , I never want her to stop singing.

The bartender is all dressed up, satisfied like a stuff cat. She kisses the Goth and I goodbye before she gets back to work. I don’t want to let go of this girl I met, she’s opened something inside me I want to keep. “ Freedom, joy, passion, love, and inner peace.” I blurt out like a fool.

“ Why deny yourself so much in your life?” She asks.

“ I don’t deserve them.” I can feel her sorrow, why? “ I took what was given to me and I never argued.”

“ You deserve so much.” She caress my cheek, pulls away and begins to get dressed. I begin to pick my pants up as well. “ You should have taken it.” She says refusing to look at me.

“ What?”

“ Your chance at happiness. “ She starts to cry. “ I’m Christine by the way.”

Why is she crying, did I do something wrong? “ Christine “ Her name itself feels right rolling out of my mouth.

“ Look me up sometime before it’s to late.”

“ I will.” I resist the urge to tell her that I love her. The fear she won’t say it back, won’t feel the same way, or just laugh at me and walk away.

“ I’m here each Saturday. You take care, ok.” She walks to the door, pauses and turns around leaving me with one last look, the emotion of sadness in her eyes and that smile, I’ve seen it before. I feel the same pain in my chest like the first time it happened. I want to run after her and tell her that I love her, but I don‘t.

I stand alone in the bathroom for a few minutes remembering that last look. That smile, it plays over in my mind. The smile hiding away the true emotion underneath her skin, the pain inside that‘s too overwhelming to bare, the scared person inside that wants to cry and scream because of so many things. Her pain is refreshing to me, I just can’t figure out why? Perhaps because she knows what I feel, knows what I think inside. She eases my pain like no one I’ve ever met. A soul mate? Who knows.

Before I leave, I ask the bartender if Christine is a regular, “ Christine ?” The name doesn’t mean anything to her. “ No, this was the first time I ever saw her.” A cold hollow hole fills the center of my heart, I want to breath, I just can’t find the air to. “ Are you ok?” The bartender asks. I walk away back to my car, holding back tears, trying to hold myself together. But the image of her smiling and never again shedding a moments thought about me is painful to bare.

Was her love just a tease, was I just a game to her , where the tears in her eyes all a lie? It tears my soul apart wondering what I really meant to her, some would say it doesn’t matter. But it does to me. I want to know if I meant more to her, or was I just a stepping stone? I guess, I’ll never know. “ Remember me….”





What a wonderful world



Oh lordy, trouble so hard
oh lordy, trouble so hard,
don't nobody know my troubles but God
don't nobody know my troubles but God
Went down the hill, other day
soul got happy and stayed all day
Went in the room, didn't stay long,
looked on the bed and brother was dead



Beauty is truly a diversion in the world we live in today. Flash something shinny and we all easily draw our sights upon it. Our big wheels, mobile phones, entertainment system, video games, movies, and Hollywood are a clever ploy to keep the stupid from ever seeing the reality of things. Spare me the fucking celebrity that adopts a kid from a third world country and acts like they’re changing the world. Spare me the celebrity that fools the morons in listing to their philosophy of life, spare me from the idiotic people who worship an imagery man in the skies that is calling and shouting to kill and degraded those who would mock his religion, spare me from this little rat maze we live in.

I drove myself to skid road, Los Angeles dumping ground for the weak and defeated. Here you’ll see the world for what it is. Kids running around looking for food, women selling themselves to feed their children and people begging for any spare change that could be handed to them. For these people hell is a continuous cycle, While we sleep they fight to survive. It’s a twisted fucking world we live in.

The only comfort society offer these people is God. Fuck God, if this is his master plan then he’s no better then the fuckers that refuse to lend a helping hand. If God truly cares for his children he would have never let them suffer this way. But, the man in the good book says through hell, heaven is discovered. Bullshit. You try to tell that to a kid whose staving to death, knowing one day he’ll die on these streets, to have faith in God, that his savory has a better place for him when he passes to the great beyond. What kind of twisted fucker do you have to be to pawn that on the poor and hungry.

How can we just turn a blind eye to all this, when people are dying right on our doorstep. How cruel and cold hearted are we when we allow this to happen ? Is this why we need the distractions, to keep the guilt, sorrow, and pain from taking over us, because once we open our eyes and see the world for what it is, would it be to much for us to bare, that death would sound like a much better course than living?

“ We all need answer, come to me and I shall answer them!” I put on the breaks, I see a young man standing on the sidewalk, shouting his lungs out to anyone that could hear him. Nobody seems to even notice him. It was as if I could only see him.







I need answers





Shame is the name
Shame is the name
Shame is the name
Shame is the name
Hey boy - are you happy to be
A dim-ass teen on the spree?
You get drunk all day
And you're sick all night
Is this the sum of your life?
What's your name, what's your name?
What's your dreams, your goals
Your ambitions and aims?
He laughed and said
Shame is the name



Whose this kid? He’s to clean and well dress to be from the streets. What is he doing here tonight of all nights, why now? “ You have all the answers?” I ask him

He turns around and smiles at me, his green eyes light up with joy.“ You come seeking help to the problems of the world don’t ya?” He sits on the pavement, gesturing me to join. I do. “ Faith brought you here today.”

I would be lying if I didn‘t say I was frightened in approaching this kid. Skid road is full of meth heads that would stab you for the penny in your pocket.“ Faith, is that right?”

“ Of course.”

He’s seems like an odd person, been meeting those all day. Then again, it depends on how you define odd. “ What’s your name? “

He sighs heavily. “ Sadly my good man, I have no name. I prefer it that way. Names tend to get in the way.” That’s a first. “ Better question, what are you doing driving here in the middle of the night? “

“ Maybe I’m here to score some drugs.”

He laughs. “ You don’t strike me as a drug user. No, you’re seeking something more.”

I am. “ I want answers.” I tell him

“ About your life ? ” He raises an eyebrow, waiting for me to confirm if his assumption is right

“ I spent 15 years with a women I never loved. She treated me like crap through out the whole thing. Why?”

He scratches his head, pondering that question. “ You settled, because it felt normal to you. Because you’re a man scared of change.”

“ Bullshit.” I jump at his theory.

“ Admit it, you enjoy the bubble of a life you have. The notion of anything changing it would send you out of control, drive you stark raving mad. It’s nothing you should be ashamed of, you’re not the only that's living in that world.” He beings to point at random people on the streets. “ Each of these people are living a life of hell because they’ve been told to. We all can be winners, sad truth is, nobody wants a world full of them. So, their heads are filled with doubt and fear to keep them where they‘re at.”

His tone has changed, it seems darker. Maybe I made a bad choice in talking to him, I should have kept on driving. “ It’s not that easy you know, dreams take cash to get started. It’s not like snapping your fingers and there it is.”

“ And why not?” He asks me. I’m not sure what to say. “ If you want to be a writer, be it. You want to be an actor, be it. Anything you want to be , is possible. But do we listen to our passion and heart to chase it? Of course not, because fear defeats us all in the end.”

I look at him, and ask him “ What does this have to do with me?”

“ Just like them, you have a seed implanted in your head.” Jeeze this guy is off his rocker, it’s sad he has a lot of life in him. “ You can deny it, call me crazy, but, my words have truth. People need to know, that the only obstacle in their way, is themselves. “

I just nod and get up to walk away. “ Thanks, I’ll catch you another time.”

“ It’s always when something happens,when we seek to break from it all. Pity isn’t it ?” What does he mean by that, I turn to see him walking away, he leaves me with one final advice. “ Confront the person that placed that fear in your head. “

“ Will that fix it ?”

“ Sometimes it‘s better to face your demons face to face, to see if you‘re prepared for change.”

I need to ask him, before he leaves. “ What’s your story ?.”

He turns around with a sad grin. “ Shame, shame is the story of my life. It’s why I walked away from the bubble, and started a new life away from it all.”

“ Do you regret it?” I ask

“ It was worst to live a lie.”

My cell phone rings, I reach into my pocket to answer it “ Hello?”




Death waits for no one


O, Death
Won't you spare me over til another year
Well what is this that I can't see
With ice cold hands takin' hold of me
Well I am death, none can excel
I’ll open the door to heaven or hell
Whoa, death someone would pray
Could you wait to call me another day
The children prayed, the preacher preached
Time and mercy is out of your reach


I would always tell her that I would protect her no matter what. How your soul breaks when you see your child bleeding on the hospital table, with their arms hanging out to the side, the dead look in their eyes. They tell me not to panic, like nothings wrong, but that’s my child she’s bleeding to death. Why aren’t they doing anything to help her? I want to scream her name out, I just can’t do it.


That’s my baby girl, she’s dying. Nobody has the right to take her life away, I know what they’re thinking, she was a stripper she should have seen it coming. Well fuck you, fuck your god damn soul and your fucking children. You didn’t know my girl.

I can hear one doctor cracking a joke with his fellow associates, like her life is something to laugh at. The officer is talking to me, trying to inform me of what happened “ He came in with a gun, this was just a random..” I don’t care, I just want my girl to smile at me, call me daddy, hear the words I love you over and over again.

“ Dad, promise me you’ll look after yourself.” Her last words to me as I left. I should have stayed, or taken her out of there. Why didn’t I do something, because I was too scared, fear, fear reared it’s ugly head and this time it cost me. The doctors walk away, her body pale. I run pushing everyone out of the way, I hold her dead body tight nobody tries to stop me. I kiss her over and over, hoping that’ll bring her back to me.

“ fear defeats us all in the end.” He was right. Now I confront the past, maybe it’s to late, but who cares. I have nothing to lose.

continued...

ID: 1596279   (Rated: 18+) Title: Bang Bang Blame Pt.2  Description: Everything comes to an end.... By: Jesse