My Struggle with Addiction

My Struggle with Addiction by: Reclusive Knight


For seventeen years I was a slave to addiction. I blamed everyone for my depression and faults.

Addiction is a disease, and a very serious one if that. It takes control of your body and mind, eating away at your internal organs. The brain, stomach, liver, and other organs are scared. I was in a dense fog for many years, and there was no bright light. The dim light I noticed was from my own euphoria, or delusions.

In a way my mind stopped developing, and it was in a form of suspended animation. For me reality was altered, and the important things in life were no more. One day I finally had enough, and my mind wouldn't allow anymore; or would it?

I put up a wall after my struggle overcoming addiction, but everyone once in a while—some form of drug is flashed before my eyes. This sinister inner-force awakes and starts pounding on my skull; missing my addiction.

I like to think that I'm in remission, because the disease of addiction could strike back at any moment. There are doors inside my mind that have to remain locked forever, and the key to those doors has already been destroyed—not to say the hinges will not rust off one day!

If even one of my own personal demons escapes, he will have enough power to pry open all the other sealed doors.

The mother of all ghosts is also a part-time guest in my mind. There are no open rooms to contain her, so she has the power to roam about my mind freely. She gets great pleasure out of haunting my inner-core. She also has the power to enter the demon's door, and send lightning strikes to my brain by way of the demon. He can communicate through her, and this is an ongoing struggle that I deal with on a daily basis.

I am often asked if I believe in the devil? Also if I believe in hell? As I answer yes, my brain sends electrical pulses throughout my entire body. It is as if the spell can't be broken, just maintained from time to time. I turned to God, but he sent no response—or the evil inside my mind blocked his message to me.

People often ask me to explain “why” I believe in the devil and hell. They often mock me and say things like: “What, is he red with horns too!”

My answer; he is round, oval, rectangular, and every other shape there is. He can come as a gas, solid, or liquid form as well. I draw confused looks always when I say this... My explanation is simple; the devil comes in all forms, and is the overlord of the disease known as addiction. You could say it's his baby, and that he nurtures it whenever he sees fit.

The devil's powers are enormous, and he can enter your body almost anytime he pleases. Once he is inside, he will get to work fine-tuning your brain to his frequency. Once he does, you are in real bad trouble. His powers over me are not of this world, and I often pickup a common kitchen knife—in it's reflection I see red. Then the force takes over, and not long after the cold metal blade finds it's way deep into my flesh.

The red fluid that comes out I like to call the devil's saliva. This is his escape out of your body once he is done inside; you can say he stops by for a visit, and leaves by way of your blood. This process can go on and on and leave you with many scars. Soon the outside of your body will match the grotesque and mutilated inside.

Addiction to be simple, if that's possible? Is like the devil's pitchfork! However, be careful not to get poked, because the sharp ends contain a poison. When the poison enters your body it can and will infect you with the disease of addiction.

The old saying is true: You can only go down so far, and then you will bounce back up. Just be careful while your at the bottom, don't bring the devil back up with you. Once you bring this parasite up to the surface he will come and go as he pleases, and he packs one hell of a punch!

THE END