Bonded for Life

It was just after the first of January 2009 that I was talking to my father, Roy. He was complaining about his sore throat and coughing. He told me that his throat had been irritated for over a month and was getting worse. I suggested he come into town and check in with his doctor. After all he had just celebrated his 81st birthday.

A few weeks later he had an appointment with his doctor who was more than concerned about his loss of weight, which had gone from about 220 down to 209 or so. He ordered blood work.

In March, no word on my father's tests, my mother, Jean, had her 81st birthday. We children had tried to talk her into an celebration and she would have none of it. This year was to be their 60th wedding anniversary in September. Myself and my four siblings, three sisters and the youngest a brother, were dropping hints about a party to honor their sixty years. Mom was balking.

At the beginning of April the doctor told us that dad had esophageal cancer. It was a shock. His two brothers died of leukemia in the past ten years, he had been cleared of that cancer. We weren't expecting something like this. Dad is all about eating. He loves food, and gave that wonderful gene to his daughters, who also love to eat.

He made the decision to go through with the chemo and radiation treatment that would last about six weeks. In the mean time my mother relented and even encouraged us to plan a 60th Anniversary party for August.

I had Monday's off of work so I went to sit with him during his Chemo. He never had any of the usual NAH-SI-A (a longer story than I can tell here) that accompanies the treatment. I took some of that time, while he rested, to shop for theme colors and buy paper for the invitations. The envelope was a dark bronze, a sea blue for the liner and the paper with their picture was on a sand color. I printed and my sister, Kathy, helped to assemble and glue the cards as well as address them. It was based on the ocean or beach which they love.

During the entire six weeks, mother and dad's entourage attended his treatments and his doctors appointments. Mom was right beside him, worried because she couldn't get all the cans of liquid nourishment down dad each night through his J-Tube. By the end of May the chemo and radiation treatments were done and we waited the appropriate time to have another MRI. The next meeting with the doctor we were told the esophageal tumor was still there but dried. The lymph nodes had increased double and that meant he might have 3, 6 or at the most 9 months to live. The option was surgery.

I remember that day. It was just dad and I and the doctor. He explained what the surgery involved. A very different description than what I thought would happen. He told us he could not give his opinion. I asked him, "If your father was sitting here in this condition, what would you tell him?" He gave his answer. My father had already made his decision, and the doctor's answer confirmed it. There would be no surgery,

Devastated, we worked hard on the plans for the 60th Anniversary as we didn't know what his condition might be by the middle of August.

We fussed and bullied him about getting all the food he needed administered, until dad just shut down. He wouldn't talk much after that June appointment.

In July he and mother attended our annual church camp meeting and he asked to be prayed for, by the ministers. We and a lot of other people were praying for his healing, or for God to take him quickly without much suffering.

That is just what happened. Mom called me the third week in July saying dad was eating food off her plate. By the next week he was feeling like eating salad (the one thing he missed eating the most) as there was no pain in his stomach or throat. Mom was so excited.

The first weekend in August, we attended dad's family picnic. Mom was the first to tell me that dad was eating a hot dog in a bun with all the usual condiments(no onions), along with chips and a hamburger patty. He was happy and feeling good. By the end of August he was completely off his feeding tube and had gained from 193 to about 200 pounds.

August 23 on a Sunday we all met with friends, family and extended family to celebrate their 60 years of marriage. Dad ate some of everything there including my pickled beets and bread & butter pickles.

In December 2009 he had another MRI and the Doctor just shook his head. The lymph nodes were back to normal and the tumor was so small it was just a hard scar.

Mom just shakes her head when he heads out in the early morning to the beach to do some clamming or taking one of the grand kids to pull the crab net for him.

I was visiting the other day and saw fresh crabs on the counter. He had the strength to pull the nets himself. Mom is much happier and had even decided to go ahead with hip surgery. She is going to need that to keep up with her husband.

Through the death of their third daughter of cancer, many a miracle has been seen in our family. Jobs, food for a big family of seven, and needs were always met. Mom and Dad stood together, confident that their strength came from God and he would always provide. I never saw a time that didn't happen. I saw times when their personalities clashed, or dad look off with his fishing pole after some altercation or mom would take a drive leaving me in charge.

I look back over my 57 years of being their first child. As I spoke (much too long I am sure) about the things I learned from the life my parents lead before me, I can honestly say, I want their steadfast faith in God. Belief that even when you disagree with your spouse, if both of you have the same Godly background, divorce is not an option. That means compromise if you want to live happily for sixty years. I have been married for 38 years and Lord willing, we will have as many years as my parents.