Manifestation

Simple in the ways we see blind.
When born wrapped, protected.
I learned, was innocent, loved...
I was born in October.
The color of sorrow, and rebirth was everywhere.
Brillant, let me tell.
The trees are a outlook of red to orange.
The sky, a blue fading to purple.
The water a sight of coldest yet welcoming coral.
A month when one path ends,
and another begins.

What beginning did I have?
A momma that hated herself, and saw me as her.
She cursed lullabies to me.
Hugs were something I never felt.

I was quiet, small, only a child in all I denied.
That I saw, that sought me.
Dropped, foregetton, loved....
October is a month of voilence.
When family only hurts.
Songs are screamed.
Melodies embody misery.
I grew.
I came to know.
Momma was my reflection.
I hated the mirror.

Everyone has come to know this voilence.
Some endure, grow as I have.
Other give~ educate the pain, the tearing lessons.
Still those smile, thankful they can only imagine.
I endured, became scarred, became bitter.
To taste things as I do, would leave one washing their mouth.
Never gaining a feeling of being clean.

October such a tarnished stone. The Opal.
Blemished in comparison to a diamond.
Not as perfect as other birthstones, like me.
The world knows the horror that shaped me.
Beatings, scars that still hold tight.
Words, oh the words, most painful of all.
My spoken guidance to me as a young girl.

In the most pitch black of times, my father ill.
I prayed, for momma to die.
Light shined, I felt a touch, and knew.
Who I loved, who I hated.
For my wish was not heard.
In a overflow of emotions I saw.
Who I have grown to be.

I see darkness, despair in the lightest things.
Know light in the most saturnine ways.
I am who most would never want to understand.
Kind, only for I wish for others to not see as I have.
Stay simple, deny all the cries you here.

The abundance of abuse that was my beginning.
Still sits inside me, so cold and alive.
Is my comfort.
My way to stay sane despite all I know.
Some feel as I do, cry with me with every emotion.
Know me from what I reflect.
I am, I will be always be.... Me.