Fantasy Takes a Wrong Turn, Bit IV

    Jen led me into the emergency room at Mellowville Central Hospital.  The receptionist looked up, “Jen, what are you doing here?  I thought it was your… oh, are you with him?”

    “Yes he’s with me Marge.” Man that sounded nice, I was with Jen.  “He needs to see triage, now, is Claire on, is she free?  I’ll take care of checking him in as soon as he sits down.”

    “Yes, take him in, no problem,” Marge replied.

    Jen took me gently but authoritatively by the arm and led me through a closed door and sat me down.  “Don’t go anywhere.  Claire will be here in a minute.”  She left the small cramped room.  She had a very nice sway to her hips, even when walking with a purpose. 

    A woman that looked vaguely familiar in blue scrubs entered the room.  Jen leaned against the door frame and folded her arms across her chest.  Man her shoulders and neck were beautiful.  “Hi Hank, I’m Claire, the triage nurse here.  I am going to take your vital signs ask you a few questions and then we’ll take you in back and get you cleaned up okay?”

  “Um…, ‘a, ‘uth…”

    “Does your head hurt, other than your nose?” she asked as putting a blood pressure cuff on me.

    “’O, ‘y wathe ‘oen’th ‘urth, ith’s tharwing ‘o ‘eth ‘umb,” I was starting to panic.  “Litheth wawies, I ‘ow ‘ou ‘uyth meath weth anth thuff ‘uth I weawy houln’th ‘e herth, I on’th heeth ‘o’be herth, weawy.  ‘Anth I wusth ‘o ‘ome and puth ome icthe ‘n ith?”  Geath… great, nobody was going to understand a word I was saying.

    Jen answered for Claire, “Huh, what? No, if nothing else we need to get the gravel out of your face and scrub your scrapes clean.”

    Ouch, that didn’t sound very fun, numb or not.  Well maybe, if Jen was going to do the scrubbing…
    “Give me your insurance card and I’ll get you signed in okay.”  It wasn’t really a question, Jen sounded pretty firm about the whole thing.

    Dang, I didn’t want to do this. I hung my head and mumbled, “Uh, I on’th… a… ‘athe a’ ithurathe ‘arth.”  Great, know she thinks I’m an uncoordinated dweeb with no money or sense.  Well she does have the no money part right, and the dweeb part is correct to I suppose.  Maybe the sense part, but why does she have to have the uncoordinated part too?

    “What do you mean you don’t have an insurance card?  Are you saying you don’t have your card with you or are you saying you don’t have health insurance?”  She really didn’t look amused, but she was still the prettiest woman I had ever seen.

    Both women were looking at me like I was some kind of an idiot.  They were right.  “Wewll, ‘ou thee, I…, ith’s ‘ithe hthith ‘ou thee, um, ‘o I ‘on’th.”  Good work idiot, that was clearly and intelligently said.  My tongue was starting to swell

    “No you don’t have what?” asked Claire calmly.

    I avoided looking at Jen and focused on Claire, “’Eath ithurathe, I ‘on’t ‘ave ‘ealth ithurathe.”  There wasn’t really much else to say.  I knew with my history it wasn’t a real bright decision, but a guy has to save rent and food money somewhere. 

    Claire must have seen the fear and humiliation in my eyes, “Jen could you go find the doc please?”  Jen bit her lip and left the room.  My tongue returned to its normal size

    Claire was quiet for a moment, “Hank, listen you need to be seen by a doctor, chances are other than the broken nose, which is a good one by the way, and the gravel in your face you’re fine and can go home in a couple of hours.  The hospital will work with you as far as the money goes.”  She was a nice lady but she didn’t understand.

    “Mith, I ‘on’th ‘ave athy mothey.  I thpenth awth ‘y thithcethionawy ith’ome, ‘ore a’thuawy, onth a Threathure throm the Thack Wawoon ‘osttume anth…”

    “Are you that guy? I was at the party.”  Aw crap, could this get any worse?  “It was a good party, you should have stuck around.  She checked my eyes with her little light and felt my skull, I’m sure it was soft.  I was the jellyfish.  Pretty good costume if I do say so myself,” she smiled kindly.  “Okay, you’re a student right?  We’ll try and do this on the cheap.”

    “I ‘an’th athor’ thith, weathe ‘usth weth ‘e ‘o ‘ome, thith hath ‘een enouth oth a ithasther awreathy.”  My life was one enormous disaster, I just wanted a bottle of scotch, and to stick my head in a bucket of ice.  I’th ‘ust ‘oing ‘o ‘o othay, ‘othing ‘ethonaw ‘ou’re a werwy ‘ice wathy, ‘uth thith…”

  A guy in green scrubs and a white lab coat with ‘Dr. Wibbiski’ embroidered on the breast came into the room.  Jen crowded in behind him.  “This is the ‘Creature from the black Lagoon, Doctor,” Claire said.  God would this never end, please God couldn’t you just let a piano fall on my head?
    “Ah, nice costume, I was the Grim Reaper.”  Please God, what about a safe, just a little one would work.  He looked at the chart Claire had started, “So what have we got happening here?”  He looked in my eyes and ears with the light, studied my nose for a minute and contemplated trying to look up it, thought better of it and put the light away.  Quickly he reached up and adjusted my nose.  I managed not to scream, but tears started streaming down my cheeks again.  I hate broken noses, they always do that.

    Then he started on my skull, “Still pretty soft,” he mumbled to himself as he gave it a thorough manhandling.  “Got a headache?  Any sinus pressure?”

    “’O, other tha’ the wothe I weel wine, wewll ethepth ‘or the embathassmenth.”

    “Well, the nose will feel better before too long.  I am going to release you but you will have to clean all the gravel and dirt out of your face, and scrub it pretty good with a disinfectant.  If you get a headache take a couple of aspirin immediately.  If it doesn’t get better within an hour come back right away.  Jen’s one of our best nurses, she knows what to do so listen to her.  You’ll need somebody to be with you for 24 hours and someone to wake you up every two hours, every four hours tonight.  Is there someone that can do that?” 

    He was serious, “Uh, ‘eah, ‘y ‘ooathe.”  It was the only way I was going to get out of the place.

    “You don’t have a roommate Hank!  I’ll do it Doc, don’t worry,” Jen wasn’t smiling, Claire was.

      “Good.  Anything happens bring him right back.”  As he left he said, “Nice to meet you Grace.”  Cute, real cute.

    I hung my head not wanting to meet anyone’s eyes.  I couldn’t have Jen with me for the next 24 hours, I’d end up cutting off a limb or exploding or something.

    “Jen, get what you need to get him cleaned up and whatever bandaging is possible, I’ll put him in the waiting room.  Then I’ll go to the lounge for 15 minutes or so, here’s my bag.  See you Tuesday, bye.”  Claire thrust her canvas shopping bag at Jen who looked at her with knitted brow.  Claire then stood me up and walked me to the waiting room

    She sat me in a chair, “Nice meeting you, Hank.  Let her take care of you, you need it.  Maybe we’ll meet again under better circumstances.”  She smiled, “Bye,” turned and was gone.