Bob Goes to the Beach

Prompt: Write a story or poem about being at the beach but, frustratingly, being unable to go into the ocean.

* * *

“The sign says ‘NO Dogs on Beach.’ It also says ‘NO Horses’ and ‘NO’ a lot of other things. But it doesn’t say, ‘No Buffalos!’ Come on Bob… let’s go, it’s early and I don’t see any park rangers or lifeguards. Come on!”

In fact nobody was at the beach that cool blustery fall morning. Or so I thought.

I choose to keep my toes out of the frigid water as much as possible, but I knew I’d be knee deep in no time.

Bob, on the other hand, gleefully galloped into the surf . He was soaked in no time. My immediate thought was the salt water would give Bob a bit of a bath. Ever try to bathe a buffalo? It’s easier to just send it through a car wash.

The joke was on me when Bob blatantly shook himself between waves. I was the one who got the bath.

I was enjoying watching Bob bob in the brine, but then, Bob froze.

“Don’t turn around!” he hissed. “There’s a ranger truck coming this way. Geeze, I hope he doesn’t notice me!” Bob tried in vain to sink in with his background.

I nonchalantly waded out in the water… Hawaii, I thought, would be a good hideout at this point.

“Excuse me, Ma’am!” came from the truck’s loud speaker.

Pretending he certainly couldn’t be talking to me, the only being on the beach, I ignored him.

“Pardon me, Ma’am, is that your buffalo?” the air sounded.

“Buffalo? What buffalo? I don’t see a buffalo.” I really wanted to answer, but how could I hide?

“Oh, that buffalo? Yeah, he’s with me. Isn’t it a beautiful morning?” I smiled extending my arms to the world.

“Please approach the truck,” he demanded politely.

I was so glad there were no other onlookers. How embarrassing is that to get caught with a buffalo, the size of … well, a buffalo?

I motioned to Bob and we confidently approached the officer.

The officer stared at Bob. “Didn’t you see the ‘No Animals’ signs? They’re posted everywhere!”

“Well, officer, yes we did, but they said specifically no dogs or horses. Clearly, Bob here is neither. But, we are sorry, sir. We really didn’t know; we will not do it again.”

“Since when aren’t buffalos allowed at the beach?” Bob snorted under his breath. “Much less in the water?! This really stinks!”

The officer’s mouth dropped open, “Did he just… “

“No, Bob,” I shot back from the corner of my mouth, “ you really stink,” waving my hand rapidly in front of my nose, half trying to amuse the incredulous ranger, and half serious. His aroma was now seriously omnipresent.

“Can’t we just let him get back in the water for just a little while longer?” I pinched my fingers at the ranger.

“Officer,” I continued, “We were just out talking a walk, and it’s such a beautiful morning and I thought… just a few steps on the sand, and the next thing I know, we’re in the water. Can you blame us?”

“D-d-d-d.. id he just say something?”

“Of course not! Don’t be silly.” I looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, don’t be silly,” Bob mimicked, “buffalo don’t talk.. you’re thinking of Mr. Ed.”

“Oh, don’t pay any attention to him.” I said indifferently.

The ranger, trying to do his job, pulled himself back into the moment all the while staring at Bob.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but buffalo are NOT allowed on the beach, or in the water. Probably not even in town.”

“Well, there wasn’t a sign, but I understand. We’ll high tail it out of here right now. We won’t do it again, promise. Come on, Bob.”

“Just a minute!”

I turned around to find Mr. Park Ranger had his little ticket book out.

“Mr. Ranger, sir, do you really think this is going to hold up in court? A ticket for a buffalo on the beach? Preposterous. And you distinctly asked me if it talks! I think it may be just a little too early for you. Now, we’ll just be on our way…“

“Lady, there are ordinances, and a whole bunch of retired people who live up in those hills have nothing else better to do than watch with binoculars to make sure I do my job and keep dogs, horses, AND buffalo, talking or otherwise, off the beach.”

“But why? Who gives ‘people’ the right to govern God’s good earth and ocean? Why can’t we ALL enjoy it? Even dogs and buffalo?” I was practically in tears by this time.

“You know, ma’am, honestly, I’m with you, but I have to do my job.”

I blew my bangs out of my eyes in frustration.

“Can I see your ID?

“Didn’t bring it with me,” I answered honestly.

“Name?”

“Bob,” said Bob.

“Oh geeze!” said the ranger. “I give up! Look, I’ll pretend to give you a ticket.” He faux scribbled in his little book. “I’m gonna hand you a piece of paper so ‘they,’” he waved his arm behind him at the hills, “are assured I’m doing my job.”

“Oh, thank you Mr. Ranger! Thank you!”

“Don’t get excited,” he said with a frown, “the ticket comes with a hefty fine. So you better walk away looking somewhat unhappy. Got it?”

“I promise not to smile,” said Bob.

“Oh shush! You don’t smile anyway,” I grumbled at Bob.

To the officer, “I promise too.”

He handed us an old grocery receipt, nodded at me, glared at Bob, then drove down the beach. I was sure, this was not a story he would soon tell to anyone.

Bob and I, in our delight of not getting a ticket, but more in disappointment at not being able to enjoy the beach, scurried as fast as we could for high ground.

Moral: Only take your beasties to the beach before daybreak. Or, It’s best to be sure your buffalo banters.



* * *

Word Count: 992